Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 17/3/2025
It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Jennie & Dua Lipa – Handlebars
Really, it’s not that bad of a song and nobody embarasses themselves here, but I’m so over western guest artists on k-pop songs – just in general. Can k-pop artists trying to break through internationally be allowed to fucking stand on their own two feet for a change? Are you still fucking babies or what? The state of k-pop right now reminds me of rap music in the early 2000s when you’d buy an album by your favourtie rapper with 15 tracks on it and 14 of them would always have between one and three guest rappers that you didn’t ask for, so you only ended up with your favourite rapper on one verse only of almost every track. Yeah I get how your label is trying to promote the whole stable but I just wanted to listen to YOU, if I wanted to listen to these other shite rappers I would have bought THEIR albums.
LE SSERAFIM – Hot
The right move from Le Sserafim for a change, they’re moving away from their recent light fluffy crap and taking a small step back to their more dynamic bass-heavy debut sound. Sure, their debut songs are way better, and this retrograde step might be too little too late for it to matter commercially, but this is Kpopalypse.com where we actually care about music, not what’s charting, so I don’t mind if they flop as long as the tracks are good. Oh and there’s an English version too but it’s basically exactly the same so nobody cares.
NMIXX – Know About Me
It’s safe to say that NMIXX have shelved the “mixx-pop” concept for good and thank fuck for that, let’s hope JYP never tries anything like that again. I’m not wild about this new song as it’s just a bit unexciting but it’s pleasant enough, not annoying and it even has a transition break at the end which integrates into the song perfectly without bringing everything to a grinding halt or going through a clunky gear-change. So they did know how to do it all along…
THE BOYZ – VVV
If your USB charger is making sparks like that, you probably shouldn’t put it into your phone. Maybe warn people about that next time instead of the usual epilepsy flashing lights warning stuff.
SF9 – Love Race
SF9 are probably one of the most consistently “kind of okay” groups in k-pop. They’ve been around for a while now (I saw them and Girl’s Day on the same bill so that should tell you something) and have never had any hugely awesome songs… but they don’t have anything that really sucks either. This song continues the trend, even the addition of guitar isn’t enough to get this into banger status.
HoshixWoozi (SEVENTEEN) – Stupid Idiot
First Super Junior D&E, and now Hoshi & Woozi – for some reason everyone wants to be GD&TOP now. Perhaps it was T.O.P’s appearance in Squid Game 2 that reminded people the subunit existed, but whatever, I’m patiently (or perhaps not so patiently) waiting for this type of style to vanish in the mists of time again.
The Wind – Only One
Bfriend are back and goddamn it’s their best song yet I think, the added guitar really helps things along. I think Viviz need to start doing some The Wind covers.
SAY MY NAME – ShaLaLa
Another trend that I’m really hoping vanishes from the more high-production end of k-pop soon is handheld shakycam. My kookaburra posts on my YouTube channel have a steadier hand than this, and I shot those straight after snorting my own body weight in cocaine off your mum’s ass.
AtHeart – Good Girl (At Heart)
Oh shit, it’s great! This is basically a punk song without the guitar and I’m fine with that, in fact I can see a group with a NOFX type sound going nuclear with a punk cover of this. Just ignore the weird pause near the end which I assume is just for the video only. Oh and also ignore the… well, you know, the usual. Hey, they tried debuting mature-age groups doing mature-age things and none of you cunts will fucking support them, so this is now what you have to put up with, next time don’t be so quick to complain when the next Jeewon appears because they’ll replace her quicksmart with underage Jeewon.
&TEAM – Big Suki
This is one for my gay readers, pretty sure nobody’s here for the music.
NewKidz – ImPerfect
One of those TV show things again, and they’re really trying hard here with the parasocial heartstring-tugging turned up to 11. The song isn’t bad I guess but getting through the cringe is tough.
AEONIT – Endless Dream
I feel exactly how this guy looks at 2:03…
He’s staring at the music track going “what the FUCK is this, why did I even sign up for this bullcrap”. They could have drawn him any way they wanted to, so if they made him look like even he’s not enjoying it, I don’t think any of us stand a chance.
2S – How 2 How 2
Another really good song by some girl group I’ve never heard of who look like they should be studying for exams instead.
SUNNYKEY – Shadow Dance
It’s all coffee-shop fun and games until someone busts out the Rhodes keyboard solo. This looks and sounds like it’s from an alternate universe where every girl is a lounge music genius. Also, everyone turned up for the video shoot which seems to be a challenge for Korean bands for some reason. “But does he like it or not…” fucked if I even know, I’m as confused as you are…
O.A.Be – Heart Pounding Love
Okay so the bass and drums sound synthesised here, so I can forgive the lack of players in the video. Unfortunetely, synthesised bass and drums in this sort of context tend to sound pretty shit, oh well. They should put some ads up in their local music store for some extra members.
The Deep – Make Up
One of the best things about k-pop over the last 12 months is The Deep really finding her form. This new song has a cracking pace and a bass drum that sounds like it’s going to crack my car windshield, meanwhile your crappy A-list faves are too scared to turn their tracks up because of k-pop fans’ toxic obsession with “vocals” (even though it’s all mostly faked anyway).
Mingi feat. Yunmin – Autobahn
The first ten seconds of this video made me think that maybe we were getting some kind of low-key dance banger like Fluke’s “Bullet” but then the actual song started and it fucking sucked massive moose cocks, oh well.
Solji – If you’re gonna hurt me like this
Goddamnit Solji, I’m not trying to hurt you, I just want some better songs, that’s all. No need to take it so goddamn personal like cultist k-pop fans do whenever they see ultra-mild criticism of their faves.
ASH ISLAND feat. Zico – It’s Okay
Zico: “when I said ‘golden phone’ that was short for ‘golden microphone’, see, it’s in this video, look, look, I don’t know anything about a burning sun okay, now leave me alone”
Dok2 – Umma
Rap songs where the rappers try to be all spiritual and shit and talk about how they love their family and love god, are the worst types of rap songs. It’s always the same dudes who on all their other songs are always talking about getting money and drugs and bitches and shooting people over some mild insult (the poor sensitive dears), suddenly they gotta change it up go all “nice” like some “I’m so deep man” moral compensation bullshit. Just for one or two songs per album of course, then it’s back to business as usual. Rappers who make this kind of watered-down shit have real “nice guy” energy.
OVAN feat. Bobby – Church Oppa
Wow, Bobby did literally “phone it in”. I guess he was washing his hair.
OVAN – Flowers
Ovan’s other song is some nutsack-deep-throating ballad so let’s just skip it and instead have our weekly non-Korean LGBT feature here, yay! This week it’s Qiaoqiao, China’s first openly lesbian singer. The song linked is “Ai Bui Fen (Love Doesn’t Discriminate)” and features a neat drama video with lesbian lovers who aren’t allowed to kiss because society says it’s not okay so they just hang out on the beach a lot and their ovaries hurt like Caitlin and Hana in their dorms. Qiaoqiao also opened the first lesbian bar in Beijing, and there is still an under-the-radar lesbian nightlife in Beijing to this day thanks to Qiaoqiao PAVING THE WAY.
Jeong Dongwon feat. Haon – Heung!
K-pop fans love the “fun” defence. Tell them an obviously shit song is obvious shit, and the reply always comes back “it’s fun”, “you just hate fun” etc etc. No, I’m actually quite okay with fun, what I hate is having a meat skewer thrust into my ears and then out through my anus, which is what your bias’ shit songs sound like. On the other hand I thought this song here was actual fun, so you can use it as an example of me liking “fun stuff”. What, you don’t like it? You just hate fun!
Ayoung – Waiting For The Sunshine
Here’s your weekly reminder that despite the endless hype about supposed breakthroughs, AI is nowhere near replacing humans yet. I’d save this terrifying monstrosity for a Nugu Alert, but I think this will actually exceed Nugu Alert eligibility criteria before the next episode is due to come out. The song isn’t too bad to be honest, but that in a way makes it even more unforgivable, because it didn’t really need this ugly bullshit tainting it.
Gunwoo – Shot
Someone has to tell somebody in charge over in Korea that a whistle is not a hook. I thought Blackpink proved it but apparently at least 2% of you liked that trash song, so maybe the wrong message went out.
Jin Hyeon – Sketch
Okay but minus 2349862 points for including sportball.
Noducksoon feat. Jhunnit – Fancy Car
Okay, the Autotune ladies are here, time to finish up roundup for the week. As they say it’s not over until the skinny Autotuned lady sings.
Eric Reprid – KPOP
Oh but wait – Eric Reprid is back! The true caonima is racking up the caonima points yet again for 2025 in this new song, enjoy all the kpop references.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
Eric Reprid Interview – Viral Badussy Bar, Working w/ Far East Movement, Blessing Adam22 & More!
Oh my god, he’s just as much of a caonima in interviews as he is in his songs. Hilariously self-aware, he knows what the people want. My badussy is ready.
Asking EPIK HIGH why they dissed INFINITE… while doing crochet
If you want something slightly more serious, this interview between Epik High and Infinite members goes a bit deeper than the regular k-pop interview and should be of interest.
Red Velvet – Ice Cream Cake
The song almost solely responsible for spearheading the “shouty annoying girly voices” and “random ass melodies” trends in k-pop, Ice Cream Cake was actually a reasonably good song. The problem wasn’t the song itself but its imitators, with every B-list group following SM’s lead and thinking that if they just got their girls to yell a bit louder and threw in more melodies for them to sing more of the time, they’d have a better song. As history proved, it really doesn’t work like that, and Ice Cream Cake stands out as a rare success among a sea of failures… including some of Red Velvet’s own failures later on…
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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