Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 86 – XXIN, 9Wall, Esol ft. Omani, Eleven
It’s that time again, yes it’s the return of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert! Welcome back to the nugu series that only gives you the nuguest of nugus! Read on and enjoy!
Even though Kpopalypse’s steadfast committment to gender equality is extremely well-known across the entire k-pop loving Internet, there are still those who would attempt to cherry-pick different reviews in a weak attempt to strawman Kpopalypse as someone not appreciating of the finer arts of male objectification:
It’s obvious to regular readers that this argument is nonsense, and it doesn’t require refuting (even though I did so anyway just to be a cunt). However just to solidify the reputation of Kpopalypse.com, so there can be NO DOUBT that this right here is THE most inclusive k-pop space across all of the entire Internets, let’s have a new episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert where we do nothing but drool over guys to offset all those boob posts where I didn’t even include Wonho or Shindong in there as a joke (although they’d both be a solid 10 though).
Usual Kpopalypse Nugu Alert rules apply:
- Less than 20,000 views across official channels
- Unlikely to be targeted by TAG PR agency for a strategic social media takedown
- Relevant to Kpopalypse
Let’s take a look!
XXIN – Still Alive
XXIN is definitely on the less-nugu end of what qualifies for Kpopalypse Nugu Alert, as their viewcount here shows, but we’ll squeeze him in anyway just because we can. Apparently this guy used to be in a boy group called NOIR, who were quite successful actually a solid C-tier group, but as a solo act he appears that he could use a little help, because he’s released this song to little fanfare and nothing else since, so I’m putting him in here just to give him a bit of a hand. Of course it helps matters that he’s bribed me by flashing lots of man-flesh, which is definitely what we want to see on objectification-friendly Kpopalypse.com and should meet required male solo project quotas of exposed torsos getting rained on.
YouTube views at the time of writing: 19360
Notable attribute: he sounds uncannily like Beomhan when singing “Still Alive” at 1:38, could they be related?
Nugu Alert Rating: low
Esol ft. Omani – IGMB
Okay, that’s enough pandering to boy group fans for clicks, onto the real nugus now. Esol does something here which I actually really enjoy, and that is remove most of the lights from his video set. You’ve seen all those other nugu videos on this series for years now, where whoever the artist or group is has a truckload of fluros and spotlights behind them arranged in weird funky patterns, because that’s literally all their production team could afford so they just went all out with what they had. Esol has grasped the concept of “less is more” and used very few lights, giving his naked torso some nice shadowy noir “light playing across the surface of his buff man meat” effect like in only the very best porn films (and JAV makes the same mistake too by the way, lighting up scenes far too brightly far too often in situations where some noir lighting would have knocked it out of the park). I can forgive the super average rap song here, this video’s worth it for the visual lesson alone.
YouTube views at the time of writing: 753
Notable attribute: the dark moody noir lighting also has the added positive effect of making sure you can’t see Esol’s horribly shit face tattoo in all but a few scenes
Nugu Alert Rating: extreme
9wall – What U Drawin’ Ur Fetish
9wall isn’t the most buff guy I’ve ever seen in a k-pop music video, but he’s probably the most buff k-pop guy I’ve seen in a k-pop music video with under six hundred views. He also has a cool idea for a video set which is to just ask the local junkyard if they’re willing to rent their shit out for an hour, or maybe he just jumped the fence on a day off, who knows, but result is a fairly unique looking video that takes me all the way back to Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 1 in 2014 where Cherry Kim tried to turn Yongma Land into a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Anyway the song’s acceptable enough, even if the English choice is a bit on the wacky side, but I’m sure that if your fetish is twinks with dyed red hair and glasses you won’t care if “wow, that’s a pirates?” or not.
YouTube views at the time of writing: 575
Notable attribute: a Hyundai Starex is visible briefly at 0:31, this is the crap van that Ladies Code’s manager drove in when they had that tragic accident, the vehicle came under scrutiny afterward for its poor safety features. Hyundai eventually sunsetted this piece of shit and replaced it with the much safer Staria, let’s hope this one here stays in the junkyard.
Nugu Alert Rating: extreme
Eleven – Killing In You
Of course, what we really fap to these days is not so much torsos but faces of hot k-pop boys smiling direct to camera, isn’t that right? Not only that, but also guns, because my stats show that more readers of Kpopalypse.com come from the USA than any other country and I have to cater to the gun-shooting people just so Nugu Alert has more than two readers this month. But what if you don’t have k-pop boy faces and guns easily accessible? Well, you can make that stuff with AI these days, and Eleven has done just that, resulting in a bizarre music video where all the guys look a bit like the purple haired guy in N.Tic (I know you didn’t forget about him even though after seven years I just noticed his hair is actually blue not purple, wow being colourblind sucks hey) and all the guns look a bit like gun cigarette lighters. The incredible anime-style “gun magically materialising in hand” technique from 0:30 has certain k-pop book protagonists shook and Americans everywhere jealous. To top it all off, the music is (would you believe) even more weird than the visuals, with completely borked vocal meter resembling The Shaggs if they went K-rock. Enjoy… if you can!
YouTube views at the time of writing: 268
Notable attribute: AI cat does not mrcs due to its left paw being back to front, but it’s still the most realistic thing about this video
Nugu Alert Rating: off the chart
That’s all for this episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert – the series will return!
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