It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

Latency probably aren’t at the level where they can afford roadies yet, so Hyunjin probably checked out of the group as soon as she realised she’d have to lug her drumkit everywhere.

LE SSERAFIM – Boompala

It’s not bad until it hits that horrible Redvelvetised chant chorus. I guess at least it’s a good demonstration of why you shouldn’t trust AI.

Lisa, Anitta, Rema – Goals

Sports songs are not eligible for roundup consideration really and this song won’t be considered for end of year lists either. This entry is just here so you know that I ignored it on purpose. Sport: not even once. Sport is no fun. Sport endangers the lives and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today. Stop the madness! There are better things in life

I.O.I – Suddenly

I.O.I finally have a really good song. It only took them a decade of hiatus while their agencies fucked around and tried to milk the fame every other which way.

BIBI – Bumpa

Some almost-bossanova thing which is very boring but Bibi’s waterbomb credentials definitely shine through here. “It’s not sexual, it’s about having a big water party” – that’s what TikTok says so it must be true.

QWER – Bad Habit

QWER go for a 2000s rock revival type sound and I’m not really sure if it plays to their strengths but the chorus is pretty good so I’ll take it.

TWS – All the Possibilities

There are several possibilities in life, but the one that I like the best is the one where I don’t listen to this song again.

xikers – Okay

A lot of k-pop songs get “metal versions” from fans and those versions are mostly a downgrade because it’s just the usual chug-chug generic Johnny one-note riffs that are trendy in modern metal, but I think it would actually do some good here.

Unchild – Energy

Pretty cool actually – simple, punchy, fun, stays in the same mood and doesn’t do anything stupid. That’s all we want really.

Shownu & Hyungwon – Do You Love Me

Well you’re not Wonho, let’s put it that way.

NAZE – Pretty Pink Socks

Look at 1:36. These agencies are acutely aware of how stupid fans are. That’s why they don’t ever listen to anything you say.

DXMON – DXMON

One of those songs that there’s isn’t anything all that wrong with, it just really needed to be faster. Play this at 1.25x speed and it’s actually decent.

DXMON – Make It Rain

There’s no saving this one though, it sucks at any speed other than “off”.

Billlie – Soupasta

I like the part where it sounds like the Goat Simulator theme song with that stupid whistle noise. The rest of it’s relatively ordinary.

Big Ocean – Make It Up To You

More proof that even if you’re deaf you can probably still make a song better than 90% of the k-pop that comes out each week.

THE SSYNDROME – My First Love

That boring soft rock shit that Koreans are addicted to but that the rest of the world puts on only when the insomnia is kicking in.

GPP – Ate!

Take away the shitty slow section where they repeat “ate” mindlessly like they’re playing The Stanley Parable, and it’s like a latter-day Japanese Girls’ Generation song (a good thing).

Jay Park & LNGSHOT – Moya

Nobody cares about your new shit boy group, Jay. What we care about is your soju. Hurry up and send some to my post office box somy girlfriend can drink it and I can review it.

82MAJOR – W.T.F

So short and unspectacular that it barely even exists. Just like this review.

ONE PACT – Pull Up

That Autotuned R&B poop that we all hate.

TNX – Love Letter

Their fourth anniversary song, apparently. Who even knew this group’s boring-ass songs existed, let alone for four years?

Hyojung – Purple Note

A nice try but the songwriting just isn’t quite there for something like this.

Yoon Sanha – IDK ME

Just in case you were wondering, the reason why there’s no other posts besides roundup this week is that for some reason my website admin page wasn’t loading. After a few days of being flummoxed I managed to get around it by pointing my VPN to the Philippines and I don’t know why that fixes it but it does so there you go. I realise that’s probably not very interesting information for many of you, but I promise that if I wrote anything about this song it would be even less interesting.

Yaochen – Hold On

We even gotta use AI-assisted image generation for eating chips now. Can’t we just eat a chip normally, JYP? LISTEN TO LILY WHEN SHE IS SPEAKING TO YOU.

Gabee – Bromm, Taki

Disco bollocks, as generic as it gets.

Yeeun – Elevator

Yeeun’s version of disco bollocks is slightly better but it’s still nothing all that much.

Balming Tiger – Keep On

It’s a nice touch how the video features a guy at the end listening to the song on headphones and gradually descending into mental illness, very relatable.

Jiselle, SUMMERCAKE – Circle in Me

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This is boring too and it’s actually so boring that I forgot what I was going to put in this place instead of a song review so I guess nothing goes here.

Mio – BWB

And this literally sounds like a continuation of the previous boring song. How much generic soft shit can you take? Nobody became a k-pop fan to listen to music like this.

YORCH feat. Sik-k, Bryan Chase – Blow Your Mind

Well it certainly blows something.

Baek Eun Byeol – My Satan

A lot of boring stuff this week that I just skipped and this is boring too but at least it has BADING vibes to rival a Kpopalypse “fiction” novel. Although it’s amusing that the difference between a normal person and a satanic love interest is apparently a few piercings.

Reble ft. Parimal Shais – New Riot

This week’s non-Korean random music pick is this girl from India who raps better than your bias and then some. Enjoy.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

HallyU – English Pop Songs Turned Into K-Pop (ft. WAY Too Many SM Songs)

A combination of literal covers, pretty close soundalikes, songs that are only similar for about two seconds, and massive reaches that have nothing in common with each other at all apart from maybe one solitary keyboard patch and a small section of similar vocal meter. Still an interesting video, I’d like to see a more modern version tackling the 2020s.

NewJeans – Super Shy (water cover)

Look, someone got all the tears that everyone cried about NewJeans and made a NewJeans song with them!

Outsider – Loner

Before Gwangil Jo there was Outsider, although honestly I prefer Gwangil Jo because his beat selection is generally better. This romantic strings track is pretty bland honestly. If you rap real fast it’s not going to make her come back to you, you know. I’ve never met a woman who looked at “fast rappers” with anything other than disdain. Maybe it’s different overseas, but saying that you rap in Australia is like saying you’re into NFTs or Andrew Tate, it’s a real swipe-left situation.

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That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

We’re going to have so many nominees for 2026’s cross-cultural sensitivity awards that we might need two posts to fit them all in! RIIZE’s Eunseok is the latest person to offend people in neighbouring countries.

ITZY – Motto

Lily from NMIXX put her foot down and said “no more AI” so JYP has to give Itzy all the crappy AI-gen-slop-infused videos now. No wonder Itzy are stuck in the trailer park while NMIXX are making bank.

FIFTY FIFTY – Starstruck

Fifty Fifty try for something more “modern” but this type of sound is actually pretty old-hat in 2026. It doesn’t quite fit together for them either, the vocals are far too “nice” for the backings. Oh well, if you don’t like it you could go and listen to “Starry Night” instead if you wanted, that’s an alright song.

Taeyong – Wyld

Taeyong will ship that mascara express direct to your house if you buy it from his Ebay page, only for you to open the box and find out he shipped you a photograph of a mascara stick.

Taeyang – Live Fast Die Slow

Yea we are dying pretty slowly here with this boring shit. People would probably expect me to like this but while the general feel is good the songwriting is the problem. Nothing to see here.

ZEROBASEONE – TOP 5

And here’s a song that you’d probably expect me to not like but I actually think it kind of works. The beat and the second-gen style melodic focus saves it.

Wanna One – We Wanna Go

I wanna go away from this song.

WOOAH – WXW (Wish With W)

When Wooah dumped the exclamation mark from their group name, the excitement in their music swiftly followed. This new song has serious “for the fans nostalgia” vibes, the agency are definitely prepping fans in advance for their upcoming disbandment.

Jay Park & LNGSHOT – Yeah Yeah

Go buy my girlfriend some soju, yeah yeah. She likes yoghurt flavour thanks Jay, yeah yeah.

Billlie – Off-Air

“All instruments and vocals performed and recorded live on location.” And then touched up later but we’ll ignore that part. Anyway this is boring and it’s no Billlie fan’s favourite song.

Kana Nishino feat. NiziU – Love Beat

It isn’t terrible like most Niziu crap but absolutely nothing here can hide how the girls just don’t give a damn. Although it’s considerate that the agency gave them a chorus dance they can do while deadpanning straight to camera. These girls are so over it.

VVS – Dash

Apparently there’s an Australian in this group that I’m supposed to support but nobody yells out “oi, cunt” in this song so I have no idea who it is. Pity as that might have woken me up from this R&B snoozeathon.

YOUNITE – Pose!

Disco bollocks that sensible listeners won’t care about.

ChaDongHyeop – Doogeundae

Hey this is good and has the kind of songwriting that k-pop could use a little more of. Or maybe it just feels like a shot in the arm because so much of everything else is boring this week.

FLARE U – Way 2 U

FNC debut a new boy group because they have no idea what the people want evidently. However at least this isn’t some hip-hop bullshit, my god I sound like Eunice hahaha…

AMPERS&ONE – What You Talking About

This however IS some hip-hop bullshit. It’s not bad bullshit by k-pop standards as it happens but you’re not exactly going to burn your Wu-Tang records.

MONSTA X – Burning Up

The cheapest, shittiest type of “for the fans” video is the one where they’re not even singing the song that you’re hearing and they make no effort at all to even make it look like they are by trying to sync mouth gestures or whatever.

82MAJOR – Circles

I’ve been rambling a lot and not saying much about the songs this week but it’s not my fault that your bias makes boring music that’s not worth writing about.

NOWZ – Us

What in the AI asscrack is this.

CATCH THE YOUNG – Sail

Some soft-rock nonsense that nobody under retirement age should be listening to. They should change their name to Catch The Pension.

CrazAngel – Picasso

It seems okay but it sounds weirder the more you listen. There’s definitely a few places where the melodies and the harmonies don’t quite line up and you’ll notice something’s “off” after a while. I’m fairly sure that’s not some meta-concept to do with the song title but just a fuck-up here and there that nobody could be bothered fixing.

COMMA – Radical

This song has a “visual film” to go with it, as opposed to all those “non-visual films” that you’ve all been enjoying lately.

Wave to Earth – Heaven and Hell

Some better than usual instrumentation helps this song out, but I’d just as soon not listen to it.

Seeya – Stay

The best song from the Seeya revival yet, thanks to having a bit of a pulse.

Taeyong – Storm

Taeyong will sell you one of these rocks from his video set on his Ebay page but when you open the package it’s not a rock from his video set it’s a piece of packing styrofoam painted dark grey.

Mingi – Dinero

I think I’ll take my dineros and spend them elsewhere.

Park Jinyoung – Everlove

No it’s not THAT Park Jinyoung. A pity because some plastic pants would have maybe livened this up, or at least forced me to remember it into next week.

Yaochen – Check Yaoself

Now that is one horrible dad-pun of a song title. Let’s not review this as punishment.

Yaochen – Hold On

His other song can get fucked too.

Yeeun – Scent of Memories

Got quite a shock when I loaded this up on my livestream and expected some dogshit ballad but turns out it’s actually a semi-acceptable piece of music from the ex-CLC member. Maybe it’ll motivate Sorn to stop messing around on socials and put another song out one day.

Balming Tiger – Gojingamrae

I’m not really into this but it does somewhat resemble an actual song and that’s something a bit different for Balming Tiger who usually just bang on a tin can and yelp a bit and call it a day.

HYNN – Title Role

I don’t like this much but it’s probably one of the better Hynn songs just because she doesn’t both look and sound like she wants to kill herself.

Sohyang feat. Vincent Blue – I Pray For Your Eternity

This is the kind of song that Eunice hoped she would get to do but instead she had to do [redacted for spoilers] and when she finally did get a song like this it was [redacted for more spoilers]. By the way if you get annoyed by all my book references because you just think I’m trying to sell books, this isn’t true, I actually refer to my books to annoy you, selling more of them is just an unintended by-product. If missing out really bothers you and you don’t want to give me money because I’m problematic, you can read the books I write for free at your local library if it has Libby ordering system, you know. So no need to give a cunt like me your $5 for an ebook, just ask them to order it in, they’ll do it if they know what’s good for them because if not I’ll send Shian over. Sorry for rambling but anything’s better than talking about another Sohyang song.

Simon Dominic – Simon Says

They warned me at the start of the song that the beat was about to drop and I listened to the whole thing and I’m still waiting for it.

Simon Dominic feat. Masta Wu – Neukkyuh

This other song is even more boring. Let’s stop doing roundup before I fall asleep and end up releasing it 8 hours behind schedule.

Ban Ga-Hee – Me, Having Lost Love

But wait, this trot ballad is actually awesome. It’s so deep into its own melodrama that it kind of wraps around and becomes hardcore again. She sings so hard I was afraid she was going to burst a neck artery. If she was filling in for Iron Madien (and she could) that might be the motivation I need to buy a ticket for their overpriced concert later this year.

IF YOU WANNA KPOP, EVERY WANNA KPOP SECTION

Anna Cheng – I H8 U

I don’t know if Anna Cheng is a k-pop, but she clearly wants to be, so in the spirit of Chad Future she can go in here. Song’s quite nice actually.

Olivia Marsh – Roll

Is Olivia Marsh a k-pop? The debate rages on but k-pop fans like TC Candler consider her relevant enough to drool all over her comments section, so that tips me towards yes. He clearly stans so I guess you’re seeing Olivia on his next list.

Trisha Paytas – Saranghae (I Love You)

This Trisha girl is a k-pop now, apparently. I don’t really know who she is, but apparently she’s well known or something. I will calmly accept. Also, best body in k-pop hands down.

Cateek – Never Gonna Give You Up

This week’s actual non-Korean video is Cateek, or as a reader put it, “Temu Eunha”. Hey in the absence of actual Eunha doing jack shit, I’ll take it.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

aespa 에스파 ‘WDA (Whole Different Animal) (Feat. G-DRAGON)’ but the beat is actually good

Longtime Kpopalypse reader, aespa stan and BADING musical genius Annie decided to take on board my commentary from last week and fix the main problem with aespa’s “WDA”, so I synced it up to the video for her. And you. It’s actually a pretty good song now, enjoy.

ILLIT Tries Not To Sing Their Own Songs!

Where the setup is, of course, “oh wow the songs are so catchy we just can’t stop ourselves from singing along, watch us fail to control ourselves, gosh our songs must be so great”, as if k-pop performers don’t get drilled to the milimeter behind the scenes and exerting control over every little urge they ever had is completely absorbed into their psyche by the time they debut. Anyway if you want to see k-pop idols not singing to their own songs, there’s no need for fake-ass videos like this, just watch any of their TV “live” stages.

Jewelry – One More Time

A pretty dull song from Jewelry from back in the 2000s, what sticks out the most these days is the instrumental choices which were quite unique for k-pop for the time and probably even more so these days. That’s the only highlight though, the actual song itself is pretty boring once the novelty of hearing accordion and slide guitar in a k-pop song wears thin.

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That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!

It’s time for a different kind of Kpopalypse post – this time, Kpopalypse is taking a look at k-pop idols at the Met Gala to see if their outfits meet required standards Find out more below!

An often-repeated question on Kpopalypse livestreams and other content is “good look for her?” or “MRS?” (meets required standards) followed by a random link to some k-pop girl wearing something or other. I don’t know why people give so much of a shit what I think about other people’s appearances but apparently they do. Maybe it’s because Kpopalypse is the only straight male who isn’t scared to actually talk about things like fashion, something that it’s probably hard to find this kind of opinion on because most straight men are worried people will think they’re gay if they talk about that shit. So this post is all about Kpopalypse throwing down his subjective opinions on Met Gala fashions to annoy/entertain/amuse you!

So firstly, what the fuck even is a Met Gala? I am not Metgalalypse so of course I had no idea so I had to educate myself on this important topic. In fact, that’s a lie, I don’t give a single fuck so I didn’t even bother. Who the fuck cares, let’s just look at the outfits. I’ll score them out of 10 just based on how much I subjectively like them because it always really angers people when I subjectively score people on their appearance, which is hilarious. Annoying stupid people is an important part of this website. 8 or above mrs, so let’s go.

Jennie (Blackpink)

Jennie handling this fake-ass conversation here is pretty funny, she’s dripping with caonima attitude:

The other girl: “You look so…”
Jennie: “Thank you! You too!”

Jennie didn’t even wait for that other girl to finish her sentence. It could have been an insult or anything. She clearly doesn’t give a fuck, but if it was me saying it the missing word would have been “crustacean”. I’ll give this a 5 mainly because the seashell-shaped hairdo at least matches the dress.

All of the Blackpink members had different outfits for the after-party. Jennie’s is kind of random op-shop mishmash and I’ll give this a 5 too because the sunglasses look like poop on her.

Rosé (Blackpink)

“The bird stood out”, Rose says. It sure does, the thing stabs her in the arm a few times and even gets caught inside her elbow for a while, she probably should have held the micrphone with the other hand. I bet she was glad to rip that thing off as soon as the yapping and posing out was over with. I’ll give this a 6 but it’d be an 8 if she gave that bird the bird and replaced it with something normal like a belt.

The after-party dress is kind of the same thing but without the bird and with a much different bottom half. Not sure what that massive train at the back is about, how are you expected to party with something like that in your area. 6 again.

Lisa (Blackpink)

Here’s a cool outfit if you’ve ever wanted to feel like there’s a stalker constantly behind you. Having a couple of your own disembodied arms constantly in your perhipheral vision would definitely give any k-pop girl “am I on a boy group street harassment video set” vibes. Having said that if you were harassed on the street for real at least you could rip one of the arms off and beat your attacker to death with it, or fist them with it. 4 with the arms, 7 without (or if they painted some blood onto them).

Lisa’s after-party outfit definitely has pimp vibes, It seems pretty comfortable as long as Lisa didn’t need to look over her shoulder for any reason that night because she’d just cop a faceful of dead animal. It suits her but it’s not really a vibe I like, 5/10 because it looks like it’s made out of my cat and that’s just depressing, I don’t like to be reminded of my cat’s mortality as she’s kind of old these days.

Jisoo (Blackpink)

Jisoo goes for the flower theme, although it’s kind of hard to really see the details. For some reason the flower add-ons trick my eye into thinking the camera is not in focus. Jisoo seems nervous and she mentions she just wants to find the other girls, probably because everyone else around her is some annoying idiot from the fashion world and Jisoo seems like she’s very give-no-fucks and wouldn’t get along with that crowd. Giving her a 7 just to make her feel better for being dragged along to this shit.

Her after-party dress isn’t too bad either but it’s weirdly lopsided at the bottom, not sure if that’s the cut of the dress or maybe she’s just all out of fucks to give. I know a girl who used to sneak goon bags into venues under her dress to save money, she’d lift up her dress and it looked like she was taking a piss but actually she was refilling her drink from the goon bag. This dress here definitely looks like Jisoo is storing a goon bag on one side like my friend did. 6/10 just for caonima vibes. Note that the girl with her in black is Hoyeon from Squid Game series 1 and she’s absolutely killing it but she is not a k-pop so she doesn’t get a separate entry here (yet I found a way to squeeze her in anyway).

Karina (aespa)

Karina doesn’t get an interview probably because her English skills are ass compared to the Blackpinkians but the full outfit is in this video from 5:32. I’ll give this outfit an 8 with the jacket on and 7 without, because the jacket hides the weird stiffness of the front of the dress. That’s probably the fault of the wardrobe department going bezerk with the Bedazzler along the neckline and weighing the fabric down.

Karina’s after party dress just looks normal and good. My girlfriend would rock this dress, if she sees this video she might ask me to track it down and I’d have no clue where to find it. Caonimas you gotta help me locate it if that happens. 9/10.

Ningning (aespa)

People think I’m a cunt and I definitely am but even I wouldn’t talk to a woman like this (at least not without a safeword). Listen to these fuckwits with the cameras. Don’t you just wish you were there so you could grab their equipment and smash it? Ningning at least looks like she’s thinking it. Her formless but quite pretty dress makes Ningning look like one of those fuzzy black wasp larvae that live in trees in the suburbs of my city and squirt acid in your eyes if you get too close. I’d like to see a dress modification so Ningning could spit gobs of hydrochloric acid over the paparazzi, I’ll give her an 8 for this dress as in “ate some stupid cameraman’s face off”.

For the after-party Ningning wore something a bit more bare bones, and actually it’s bare bones indeed because her shoulders completely dominate this dress. She’s definitely been doing her lateral pull-downs at the gym but I think a dress with a bit more fabric on the shoulder straps would have suited her figure better. 6/10.

Ejae

The Kpop Demon Hunters star is ready to hunt some more demons in this chain-mail inspired outfit. I reckon that if you swiped a broadsword into her stomach Ejae wouldn’t even feel it, and I’m not even sure what weapon could even penetrate the stones on that necklace, probably not even one of her own pitch-corrected high-notes. Although she’s all set up for her local medieval LARP I’m only giving this a 6 because I think this dress while sturdy also seems extra-conductive so it could make her vulnerable to lightning bolt spells. Kpop Demon Hunters folks did not do the after-party thing (or if they did I can’t find footage) so no second video here.

Audrey Nuna

Audrey Nuna doesn’t get her own video with a helpful explanation of what the fuck her outfit is about so here she is hanging out with fellow KDH star Ejae covered above. Audrey seems pretty miserable actually, perhaps she hates the paparazzi too, or maybe it’s just because she’s wearing what looks like a gangster outfit covered in the black mold that I just cleaned off my ceiling. I’m pretty sure I saw a few of those black specks move, I guess the fuzzy black wasp larvae are back. I’ll give this a 4 mainly just for psyching everybody out.

Hyoseop

Men are not exempt from scrutiny and objectification here at Kpopalypse.com and Ahn Hyoseop is the voice of Jinu from Saja Boys, the Kpop Demon Hunters boy group. His suit is pretty cool actually although I’m not sure what’s going on with that weird black button/buckle/bullshit thing in the centre. Just unbutton it and let your abs shine, that’s what I think. 7 for effort plus being the only guy in this thing, where are all the other male k-pops. Hey I learned when researching this post that the last Korean male k-pop to do the Met Gala thing was Rain in 2015. He paved the way.

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That’s all for this post! Now you know my exciting opinions on the 2026 Met Gala k-pop and the amount of “good look for her” questions in livestreams that I have to grind through will decrease by approximately 0.248% Kpopalypse will return!

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

The latest part of the war on attractive people is that you’re not allowed to wear balllet outfits now because people might be sad that you look better than them. Soon k-pop fans will clamp down on everything to the point where the only thing women can wear is a cardboard box.

aespa ft. G-Dragon – WDA (Whole Different Animal)

A great song concept desperately in need of a beat, the entire thing refuses to get started and is just light and fluffy taps from start to finish. A massive letdown that wastes the track’s otherwise appealingly ominous mood.

NMIXX – Heavy Serenade

Actually really solidly good. Quite cohesive by anyone’s standards, not just NMIXX’s.

Billlie – Zap

Definitely not as much zap in this as there was in “Work” from last week, what a pity. Oh well, one banger a year is still more than most groups manage.

Lee Chaeyeon – Know About Me

Lee Chaeyeon also hasn’t matched the quality of her song from last week, but this still isn’t bad.

Tiffany Young – Summer’s Not Over

Tiffan’y new dreary ballad is not my best friend.

Lee Hi – Up

The good thing about Lee Hi being married now or whatever is she’s leaving the house more. Not sure if that’s because her man is a nice dude, or because he’s a dick and she just wants to get away from him and chill out on the beach on her own for a while, but either way we get to see her more so that’s nice.

Jenevieve feat. Jihyo – Hvnly

Lame soft R&B slop that doesn’t belong anywhere near your favourite k-pops.

Hanhae, Moon Se Yoon feat. Chuu – Airplane

I’m not sure what this even is but Chuu can’t rescue it.

Taeyong – 404 Euphoria

Definitely an appropriate video for the song, as this one’s as boring as watching your clothes spin around at the laundromat.

CORTIS – Acai

Ahahahaha wow this sucks. There were actually quite a few decent songs in this style this week, and this isn’t one of them. Jane Remover was right.

KIIRAS – Ta Ta

It’s not the worst Kirras song ever, but then Kirras have been pretty shit so far so being worse than their other songs would be actually quite challenging. The person who predicted that I’d like this song better than other Kirras songs made a pretty safe bet, as I think I like 99% of all music better than other Kirras songs.

Keyveatz – Catch My Breath

A completely unwatchable video that will tear the skin straight from your retinas as surely as any T-ara creation, you could be forgiven for not noticing that the song is actually one of k-pop’s better rap-focused creations as you puke into a bucket on the floor and try to stop the room from spinning.

BOYNEXTDOOR – Ddok Ddok Ddok

It’s just Rain’s “Gang” again. He truly did pave the way for all these boy groups.

RAIN – Feel It

And right on cue, he’s back! Pity this song licks an R&B ballsack but oh well, I guess he’s earned a break.

NAZE – People Talk

It’s not all that exciting but I didn’t hate it. I can’t decide if the lyrics are a good thing (“ignore what people say about you, you do you”) or a bad thing (“hey fans, here’s your license to be ignorant of any valid criticism of your shitty behaviour”) but either way it’s always good to hear a song that addresses an elephant in the room.

NEXZ – Hypeman

A song called “Hypeman” that doesn’t have a hypeman and actually could have used one. Seriously k-pop groups should embrace having a hypeman as part of the group, but judging from the sound of this I’m pretty sure they don’t even know what one is.

Jay Park & LNGSHOT – 4SHO 4SHO

Where’s that bottle of soju for my girlfriend, Jay? I only messaged you on Onlyfans two years ago, hurry up and “keep it real” for me.

YUHZ – Rush Rush

I wonder if “Yuhz” is pronounced the same as the Australian “youse“? Can anyone confirm? If so, can youse Yuhz guys get a better song?

Forestella – Armageddon

The song isn’t too bad actually but the irony of them singing about how they’re “watching armageddon” while surrounded by total AI slop backgrounds isn’t lost on me.

NoeurA – A-List

Reckon they’ll hit that A-list, probably not, but I didn’t mind the backing track here which refreshingly just had a groove and stuck to it and didn’t try to do 12 things at once.

KEYVITUP – Polaroid

They’re only two songs into their careers and they’re already making for-the-fans “nostalgia” montage videos. Maybe what Frank Zappa said is true: “It isn’t necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice — there are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia. When you compute the length of time between ‘The Event’ and ‘Nostalgia For The Event,’ the span seems to be about ‘a year less in each cycle.’ Eventually, within the next quarter of a century the nostalgia cycles will be so close together that people will not be able to take a step without being nostalgic for the one they just took. At that point, everything stops. Death by Nostalgia.”

Heart Of Woman – H.O.W’s Mixtape

Wait, a female R&B/hip-hop hybrid song that actually… has really legitimately good beat-writing and non-cringe lyrics? Everyone’s freaking out about the Italian-language section but honestly the song had me sold way before then. I’m not hopeful that they can keep up this quality because R&B writers tend to have shit music taste so this one might just be luck, but I hope I’m proven wrong.

T.EV – 5AM

Most R&B in k-pop sounds like this instead, and that’s a problem.

Hi-Fi Un!corn – Stop It

Okay this is probably the best Hi-Fi Unicorn song so far. Unless they released another one that is this good and I can’t remember, because they’ve released a song each week for the last year it seems and who the fuck can remember how any of it goes. They must be running out of video-making money by now, damn.

SANTOS BRAVOS – Wow

Wow, did you know HYBE’s fail “latin group” are still a thing?

StelLive – Star Trail

I dumped all the other anime poop out of roundup this week because it all sucked, but this one has a ripping pace and some decent instrumental work so it can stay.

Ilhoon – Devil Can Wait

Not a bad song, and the video certainly meets required ab-flashing standards.

Han – Back to Life

Han on the other hand is actually pretty boring, with this song that tries to combine shoegaze style guitar textures with the usual k-pop rock-lite thing, the results are unexciting.

Gavy NJ – He Broke Up

Shit song but GavyNJ are worth paying attention to just because of the line-up drama that follows this group, with DSP constantly swapping the girls out for new younger girls (basically the same concept that After School had). The comments here are going ballistic that the Burmese girl Riel isn’t getting any shine here but don’t worry Myanmar citizens, the way this agency rolls, she’ll probably only be in the group for a few more weeks and then you can have her back.

BIG Naughty – Still Freestylin’

I’m pretty sure that not a single Korean rapper has ever freestyled in their life, given how little rappers from anywhere else in the world do it, and how Koreans are addicted to the “here’s one we prepared earlier” approach to music. Nevertheless this is probably the best thing Big Naughty has ever done simply because there’s no weak-ass R&B element and I know I’m shitting on R&B a lot this week but only because Heart Of Woman actually got it right so my standards have now lifted for everyone else who keeps fucking up.

BewhY – Southside Freestyle

Bewhy is just killing it here though. He actually makes the robot voice work, a near-impossible feat in rap music, and this is his best song ever since he made Kanye West redundant. I might even listen to it again after I’ve finished writing this accursed roundup. It’s probably not a fucking freestyle though, hahaha.

MilliMax feat. ZENE THE ZILLA, Nosun – Yessir

Most of the other rap this week was poop like this so I removed it all you’re welcome.

Doorlesshouse – Attacker

Hey a really good rock song. You could listen to it if you wanted.

Rockit Girl – Pinky Pop (acoustic version)

We all love a good Rockit Girl acoustic version, pity that this one is probably their worst song ever, just watch it with the sound down I guess.

Lovebites – Reaper’s Lullaby

I just want you to know that the new Lovebites song is one of their best. You know they mean business when their new bass player Fami isn’t grinning like a shithead, she’s the Chuu of Japanese metal I swear. Really though, where are the Korean metal acts that can go this hard? Come on Koreans, you can’t let the Japanese get away with this! What are you doing with yourselves? Get to work!

RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

HYOKEY – What Happens When Your K-Pop company Finds Your Channel

Answer: they say “how come WE couldn’t go that viral?” and ask to do a collab video. They then invite you to their office to have a little chat behind closed doors and then Hyokey says “I can’t tell you what we talked about but gosh k-pop companies are alright really, gosh it’s tough being a k-pop company” hahaha. But honestly that’s still a better approach than what most agencies would do. Can you imagine how Jessica would be treated if she dropped into the SM Entertainment foyer with a camera?

I may be – Why BTS’S success didn’t spread to the rest of kpop

Some woman yaps on about how BTS are great and so different and unique and blah blah. Of course the real answer to the question posed by the video title is quite different: BTS got big, western people who weren’t k-pop fans heard their latter-day soft as shite songs and went “yuck – we want no part of this, let’s just give all k-pop a miss from now on” and so other groups didn’t get much interest outside of the k-pop bubble. Then BTS fans made it even worse by cyberbullying anyone and everyone who didn’t adore what was honestly the low point of BTS’s career musically, disgusting sensible music fans everywhere. But then this video is from someone with another video called “Is Jennie lazy or is she selfish” and I’m not even making that up, so it’s pretty clear that they’re not going to have any balanced takes and have an agenda to push. You think anyone who actually cared about BTS would be nicer to Taehyung’s girlfriend, geez…

Chae Yeon – Two Of Us

Proof that k-pop has only gotten more conservative and boring over time, can you imagine a k-pop video like this releasing today? Even Kiss Of Life aren’t coming this close. The song isn’t too bad actually but honestly who is even listening…

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That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!