It’s time for another album review – this time Kpopalypse is taking a look at “Arirang” by international k-pop sensation BTS!

BTS are all the rage right now with the release of their tenth album “Arirang”, or so their fandom would have you believe. But is it actually any good? Let’s take a look.

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BTS – Arirang

BTS really stepped up their game with the album art for their new release, featuring a wolf clutching some scales of judgement while the Snake Twins howl in the background. It’s awfully charitable for those BTS boys to throw Hwayoung and Hyoyoung some work, I hope they’re doing well. Oh and sorry about being repetitious and reviewing two BTS albums in a row, but I just love BTS so much what can I say

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1. Body To Body

I’m going to use live clips where I can instead of studio audio for the songs with no actual music video, partly to give you something to look at and also just because BTS are so great live, so let’s appreciate them. If you’re ever in Australia and you’re at a live show and the audio engineer uses this particular song to soundcheck the PA, then that’s probably me doing it – it’s a great track to test subwoofer levels. Definitely a killer album opener.

2. Hooligan

The bass-heavy intro/outro is here mainly to introduce BTS’s new bass player to the world, this was the first track with him on it, and he’s rather cute actually but the intro/outro isn’t really a needed part of the song and just wastes time. The song took a little while for me to warm up to it but after a few listens it’s one of my favourite tracks, as good as the opening song if not better.

3. Aliens

Somehow an even better track than the first two, “Aliens” stands out partially for its incredibly high-flying vocal (Ejae “oh we can’t sing ‘Golden’ it was made for a cartoon character” bitch listen to this – are you even trying) and partially because the lyrics are just nuts so I included a lyric video here for your enjoyment. A lot of the meaning is semi-lost in translation but it basically seems to be saying “if you don’t want to go to war you’re a pussy boy” which is big words from a group that left it until the last minute to do their military service so they would be guaranteed desk jobs. A banger of a song regardless, guess I’ll just have to “separate the art from the artist” or whatever bullshit, hey.

4. FYA

Actually a relatively mid track, but of course mid by BTS standards is pretty good by everyone else’s standards, amirite. I think it’s the chorus hook of this song that I find just a little annoying on repeat listens, and that bendy guitar riff that drives the thing also isn’t exactly their best and gets a bit grating given how much it’s repeated. I still skip this track when it comes on in my car though.

5. 2.0

Another song that I wasn’t hugely impressed by when I first listened to the album, but I certainly warmed up to it. This is as close that BTS get to something that’s devoid of their usual neoclassical metal influences and more of a blues-based metal song, like a more revved up and melodic version of Motorhead. Oh and they do the instrument-swap thing in the video how cute.

6. No 29

Sadly there’s no real video for this, you’d think that a supergroup like BTS could afford to splash out on more videos but I guess times are tough and we all have to tighten our belts in this economy. Anyway here we’re back to what BTS do best, it’s not the best song on the album but it holds up decently.

7. SWIM

The big title track of “Arirang” I think is actually the worst track on it, I don’t think that this more mid-paced metal is really BTS’s strength. Also the chorus hook here gets even more annoying than the one in “Wicked Witch” sorry I mean “FYA”. This song is definitely a skip for me when listening to the album, although it would probably significantly lift the quality of anyone else’s album, but that’s my BTS boys, right?

8. Merry Go Round

A great track, this version comes with a little classical piano intro that isn’t on the album, but I’d just thought I should show you anyway because there’s not enough appreciation of BTS’s talents out there.  There’s also some nice piano midway through the solo break and it’s good to see that BTS are keeping up their tradition of extended guitar solos.

9. NORMAL

The heaviest track on the album because it dumps the neo-classical influences in favour of more angular riffs that are approaching Slayer/Megadeth territory. They pull it off fine because unlike some other metal bands (Dragonforce ahem) BTS are actually good enough to play their own songs live without ballsing them up. It’s also a relatively short song clocking in at just under five minutes but that’s still a lot more than what most k-pop groups give you these days amirite

10. Like Animals

The album’s final track, and yes despite what you heard “Arirang” has only ten tracks, I guess the album teasers lied. Definitely a track that plays to BTS’s strength especially with the thunderous chorus. An excellent song, and a great way to end the album.

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REPACKAGE – Limited Edition A and B DVD or Blu-ray

Of course it’s not a k-pop album without a repackage, and “Arirang” comes with an extended bonus video version containing these extras:

A documentary where they audition their new member. Line-up changes can be tough for k-pop groups, and this documentary gives you a good look at the tough k-pop audition process behind the scenes. The video I’ve shared here is a “highlights” version, the full documentary on the album is 35 minutes long.

You get this old classic song of theirs, I can’t remember which one this is. “DNA”? “Blood Sweat & Tears”? Who knows. It’s decent. I don’t know if this video is the same one as on the DVD because I didn’t buy it, I know, I’m a bad fan, spank me baby.

Here’s a song with one of those “for the fans” videos, don’t you just hate those? But hey it’s BTS and we’re all fans so we’ll cope. Song is again really good. Note this video has their previous bass player in it but I’ve been trying not to feature them in this post much because how dare they leave BTS and let my boys down.

Another good older song. Great playing here. Such talent. I just love watching those BTS boys do their thing.

And this is the final one. At 3:58 this song has one of those beat drop-outs that are so popular in k-pop now. I guess I won’t hate BTS for following trends, gotta make those bucks I guess. It’s okay because it’s my bias.

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FINAL THOUGHTS

I love BTS uwu

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That’s it for this post! Kpopalypse will return!

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

Mirae from Swalla passed away recently. Swalla were a group in training previously called A-MIX and while they were active around 2019-2020 they never reached debut under either name. The cause of death wasn’t made public. Video material of her, if it exists, appears to be lost in the algorithm. There’s an ex-K-pop boy group called “Mirae”, and Lisa from Blackpink danced to a song called “Swalla” once, this plus YouTube’s search feature being utterly enshittified ensures any content she may have made is impossible to locate. Appreciate your biases while they’re here.

Irene – Biggest Fan

A reasonable track that sounds like something Girls Generation would have done for a Japanese album in 2014. If SM are smart they’ll lean into this style a little more, but they’re not, so we’ll probably have Irene doing some absolute poop sooner rather than later.

Seo Eve – No Carrots

File this with all the other definitely-above-average Seo Eve songs. How does she keep getting things basically right while your bias keeps fucking up and being painfully mid? Scientists will study this one day.

Baby DONT Cry – Bittersweet

Baby Don’t Cry are doing well this year. About time P Nation had some artists on them actually doing consistently relevant stuff.

CSR – Can’t Hide Anymore

This AI slopotronic video isn’t quite as offensive as they often can be, and the song is at least reasonable, but it’s pretty clear that the money and creativity are both running dry for CSR when they’re resorting to this poop. You all didn’t stream “Pop Pop” enough I guess.

Moonbyul – Hertz

Moonbyul basically goes for a latter-day Dreamcatcher sound and even though the song is obviously flawed in that latter-day Dreamcatcher kind of way she still fits the concept probably better than Dreamcatcher themselves did.

Seventeen – Tiny Light

The best song of Seventeen’s career is for some reason a surprise release paired with an anime furry abomination that’s so ugly you’ll pine for the days when the worst visuals in k-pop you had to contend with were Little Psy’s malformed teeth.

BamBam x Minnie – Carry You

So I get Minnie skins on PUBG Mobile but if I play the desktop version all I get is a frypan with Allday Project written on it? Sad times. If there’s one thing worse than computer games that get enshittified with ever-increasing microtransactions, it’s when they can’t even milk my wallet correctly. I’ll happily be financially exploited if you guys at PUBG Corp give me a reason.

Dok2 & Lee Hi – You & Me

Dok2 and Lee Hi apparently announced their relationship by releasing this song, which is kind of cute actually but it also means she’s going to be stuck providing the token bland R&B chorus girl vocals on every new shitty soft Dok2 rap track for the forseeable future.

TWS & 24kGoldn – You Like It I Love It

Some ad for something or other that you’re probably best to not spend your money on.

Xdinary Heroes – X Room

Should have called it “Y Room” as in “why does this exist”.

Wonpil – Love Ward

Sorry but the most interesting thing about this was all the air-conditioners on the wall at 0:54.

KEYVITUP – Best One

Pretty generic boy group stuff. Even the room they’re in is generic. Just one plushie would have been enough to spice things up. As long as it isn’t AI.

DIGNITY – Slipshot

Whoever thought that spinning metal thing looked good needs some psychiatric help. It reminds me of when they remastered the Star Wars trilogy to include crappy CGI creatues that they were so proud of that they’d just make them dominate the frame for no reason. George Lucas is a good lesson in everything not to do as a creative person.

SF9 – Love Comes Slowly

Love might come slowly but my care factor for this song leaves quickly.

Hi-Fi Un!corn – Still You

Fucking awful. Someone get every copy of Extreme’s “More Than Words” in Korea and put it in a pile and burn it like disco demolition night.

OWIS – Museum

About 235 of you all let me know that this group contains Luli Lee, ex Nmixx Jinni, Adora, Lovelyz Ryu Sujeong and ex Kiss Of Life creative director Lee Haein, which is the executive director of this group. And that’s a crying shame because I sure as hell would rather see those actual people in this video and not these lame avatars, but we’ll probably never get to. Robbed of Adora visual domination.

Sunhye & Doeun – Sundae Song

Rappers: do not use Autotune. Not even once. It does not make you sound good. It does not make you sound like a singer. You just sound like every other idiot who does this. Just stop. Autotuned rappers are no fun. Autotuned rappers endanger the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today. Stop the madness! There are better things in life.

Minjae, Sumin & Yechan – Delulu

See, this kinda sucks, but it would suck way worse with Autotune on.

Kangmin – Free Falling

I guess bossanova going into fast breakbeats is different but I don’t think it really works here.

Jo Kwon – Like I Do

“Like I Do” is one of those cursed song titles, where the song will always be shit, because if you’re the kind of person who thinks “Like I Do” is a good song title then you probably don’t have a creative bone in your body so no good music is ever going to come from you.

Daybreak – Drip_Da

People were really keen for me to cover this song and I don’t know why because it’s just that incredibly boring “slightly rock, slightly funk, but not too much of any one thing just in case we accidentally make the song interesting” style that Korean bands excel at. I’m not old enough to like music like this yet, get back to me once I’m in the old folks home (so probably in about three months).

21univ. – Flying Penguin

In the past, sometimes people when trying to pin down what I like and dislike would come to the conclusion “he likes high female voices” because girl groups tend to do better in my favourites list than boy groups. Just a heads up that anyone who has ever thought that about me is wrong, but probably did so because k-pop fans are weirdly, creepily obsessed with vocals vocals vocals vocals fucking vocals and don’t even seem to notice anything else about the music they listen to whatsoever. That’s why it took literally a decade before people realised there was a slowly oscillating sine wave all throughout Twice’s “TT“, k-pop fans have an incredible inability to detect musical instruments. So when someone else either likes or doesn’t like something they think “oh it must be because of the vocals” because they’re so blind to everything else. Hey, instruments exist too, dipshits. Anyway this song here is okay I guess but I actually don’t like the vocal style all that much because it’s a bit grating, but I can look past it and still listen to it because I’m not a vocally obsessed fuckwit like every other k-pop fan ever, that’s what I was trying to say with this.

verycoybunny – Help!

I always get a bit excited when verycoybunny has a new song out and then I listen to it and remember that I don’t actually like her music all that much.

Jeon Yu Jin – Gayo Gayo

You really wish trot performers would change up their backings just a little sometimes.

Ahfoné – Wantu2stay

Shares of 2NE1 in this song by this incredibly nugu solo artist, it’s actually pretty catchy. Even the Autotune can’t wreck this one.

Mooii – Hangover

This is pretty cool and has the kind of passion in it that all those limp Korean rock bands could use a little more of.

Lady Saw vs Heckler

Your random non k-pop video this week is Jamaican dancehall queen Lady Saw getting hecked by some douche in the audience and improvising a whole rap takedown in response. I’m a big fan.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

imma stan that – was that performance REALLY live? (at last)

The people who continually ask me “is this live?” go ask this person instead, they seem to actually care. Mind you while the analysis here is generally good they fail to differentiate between “live on the spot” and “live prerecord for playback later” a lot of times (although they do mention the possibility at 4:51 here). Microphone bumps and other artifacts don’t prove it’s truly live, they just prove that they’re not using the studio audio. Some groups will do a more “controlled” live performance behind closed doors where they’re dancing and singing at the same time but focusing mainly on getting the vocals right rather than the moves but still doing the moves to some degree (so you still get all those “look it’s really live!” breath noises, bumps, etc) and then when the actual live performance happens they play that performance back and the girls or boys can focus on the dancing.

KOCOWA TV – Orange Caramel Music Brings Idol Nana Back | The Manager EP390

At least Nana misses Orange Caramel. Raina is too deep in ballad land now and Lizzy is probably passed out in Wonyoung’s lap under a bridge somewhere after a night of binge drinking. Let’s hope Nana can get the girls back together… or even better, some new girl group gives this style a shot with all-new songs. We can dream of better days.

Orange Caramel – Bangkok City

All of Orange Caramel has aged really well, simply because nobody has the guts to do it like this anymore, or at least not consistently. You know what’s so good about “Bangkok City”? No prechorus at all, just straight in. Great pop music with no foreplay, and foreplay is fine and all, we like foreplay, but it can get a bit old when every new song has exactly the same pre-chorus beat drop/build up. Sometimes you just want to take it straight up against the wall.

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That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week! Oh and don’t forget about the latest Kpopalypse survey which still has some time left to run! You’ll feel like an idiot if you miss out! Stay safe, caonimas!

Here at kpopalypse.com we love to reboot a good long-running series. We also love to reboot a completely shit long-running series that had been previously consigned to the dustbin for the greater good of humanity. Let’s lock in for another episode of Kpopalypse Plagiarism Fun Times!

Obviously I’ve resisted writing more k-pop plagiarism posts for the last eight years because I am a normal human with a brain and plagiarism in k-pop is always stupid shit that’s not even real or worth discussing. However one group has truly been plagiarism-maxxing lately and that is Illit, racking up far more plagiarism accusations than any other group in k-pop possibly ever. So I felt that I needed to do one of these posts in order to acknowledge the impact of the true plagiarism-dols of our time.

Before we get started, your ready reference of plagiarism-related trufax:

• Introduction to plagiarism
• Plagiarism explained a bit more because people kept fucking asking about it
• Plagiarism explained even more in a desperate last ditch attempt to shut people up (no such luck)

These old crusty links might be helpful if you’ve never read anything that I’ve written about plagiarism before (lucky you) or you’re struggling to understand any terminology. Once you’ve read the posts linked above, if you decide that you still give a shit, please let’s continue as we discuss

ILLIT

Before we get into the plagiarism, it’s probably important for you to get a picture of what I think of Illit in general.

What do I think of their songs? Like any k-pop group the quality varies, but generally speaking Illit’s hit-miss ratio is above average and they’re right now one of k-pop’s better girl groups for song quality. Maybe not so much for innovation, we’ll get to that shortly, but the better songs are really great and the crappier songs aren’t absolutely abysmal in the grand scale of crappy songs by k-pop groups.

What do I think of the members of Illit? Honestly I still don’t know who any of these girls even are. I do know that Minju is a Katarina one-trick main in League Of Legends with platinum rank and 700k mastery and if you don’t know what any of that shit means because you actually have a life just know that it means she’s even more of a fucking toxic nerd than I am, but I couldn’t pick her out in a crowd of people if she wasn’t midlaning at the time. That’s all I got.

It’s cool that I just copy-paste this same introduction each time I have to do one of these boring posts and make minor changes.  Anyway now that you have a full picture of exactly how much bias you can expect in this article, let’s move onto the Illit plagiarism accusations, and wow there are several:

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #1: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans because they are both a girl group

NewJeans (probably)

NewJeans (probably not, but then again, maybe)

Illit and NewJeans are both girl groups on the same label (kind of) with five members (kind of) and so therfore Illit is clearly copying NewJeans. Yes this is a real accusation and yes it even went to court so you know it’s srs bzns. The court ruled however that you cannot copyright simply being a k-pop.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #2: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because they had the same hair and clothes

Hanni from NewJeans on the lift, Moka from Illit on the right. Moka should have removed the tie and stood in front of a blander background to complete the look.

Apparently if you’re a hairdresser and two people come in wanting the same hairstyle, you have to cut it slightly differently for the second person or the first person could sue them. K-pop fans are pretty sure about this. Just wait until all those k-pop boys with short back and sides start suing each other.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #3: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because they both went to Paris fashion week

NewJeans on the left, ILLIT on the right. Standing and looking bored in front of a fashion logo is a plagiarism, of other bored people who get paid enough to enough to stand in front of a fashion logo. Wait, who thought “Acne Studios” was a good name? The fuck?

If you ever find yourself losing in life enough to where you might actually consider going to some lame fashion show, just know that if you weren’t the first person into the venue, you owe somebody else in the crowd royalties. For bonus points Illit were also accused of having “no star quality” when they attended this event, which also means they’re plagiarising other people with no star quality like Kpopalypse.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #4: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because they both did a hanbok photoshoot

NewJeans paved the way for hanbok photoshoots apparently, so when Illit also did a hanbok photoshoot, it was a plagiarism. Even wilder, apparently Illit’s company said “lots of other girl groups do this exact thing” and then Photoshopped some other girl groups’ hanbok photoshoots to make the colours match their own and NewJeans’ photoshoots more closely. This is trufaxual non-made-up thoughts from the Min Hee Jinster herself, so you know that it’s probably true, or if it isn’t, then it’s probably at least funny.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #5: ILLIT plagiarised BlackPink because BlackPink put pink text in capital letters in a pink box before ILLIT did it

Album covers of Blackpink’s first album, and Illit’s 4th mini album. Definitely two cases of pink text in capital letters in a bold font in a box over a black background in your area.

Just to mix things up a little, here’s a non NewJeans related plagiarism. Apparently it’s copyright to have a box around text. Don’t tell YG about that Microsoft Excel program or Bill Gates might have to put a hold on his Epstein statements to US congress so he can find time to appear in court in front of Jennie.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #6: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because they both had pre-debut content with a similar look

NewJeans predebut concept photo

Another NewJeans predebut concept photo… oh wait, this one’s Illit

School uniforms and shit photography have gone hand in hand in k-pop ever since H.O.T – except that H.O.T probably weren’t trying to look washed-out and crusty on purpose, they just didn’t have the pixels back then to do any better. However when Illit’s doing it, it’s apparently copying NewJeans. NewJeans also started the “random colourfully ugly clothes trend” and Illit probably did rip that off but then so did every other cunt in 2024. Still, that didn’t stop the big squeeze Min Hee Jin pointing this out herself, along with the parents of the NewJeans girls, who were apparently concerned that having their daughters look like absolute ass might somehow catch on and embarass everyone involved so they’d better clamp down on it before too many people copied it. Should have stepped up to the plate a bit quicker there, Mom and Dad.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #8: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because the choreographies for some songs are similar

Another accusation weirdly brought ot the table not just by k-pop fans but by Min Hee Jin who is an adult and should probably know better. Although if copyright applied to dance routines, you could sue everyone else in the line at line dancing so maybe that’s a good thing.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #9: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because both groups used fonts or something

Illit’s “Super Real Me” album comes with a super real shit title font

NewJeans apparently have copyright over all these fonts, especially the very innovative Helvetica font which isn’t also anywhere in particular

People made a fuss about these album fonts being similar. Seeing as how NewJeans have claimed most of the fonts that have ever existed in computer history, I expect more fontroversies soon… that is, if that group ever do anything again fucking ever besides sit on the couches in the HYBE building and mope.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation 10: ILLIT’s “Magnetic” plagiarises {insert any random NewJeans song here}

Illit apparently plagiarised some NewJeans song (doesn’t matter which one, just pick any one because you’re probably tone deaf anyway, the girl in this video picks two random ones because what is music really) plagiarising PinkPantheress plagiarising So Solid Crew and we should care apparently. I wish I was writing about PinkPantheress instead of fucking k-pop plagiarism arguments by useless wankstains right now.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #11: no, actually ILLIT’s “Magnetic” plagiarises IVE’s “OTT”

Except it doesn’t and they’re nothing alike other than being pop songs that go at the same BPM and have a roughly equivalent vocal meter.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #12: no wait, ILLIT’s “Magnetic” actually plagiarises some random R&B song from the 90s

Except the melodies are actually completely different and this fucker is literally tone deaf and reaching for the skies to get clicks. The last ultra-runny shit I did sounded more like “Magnetic” than this random-ass R&B song from some people I have never heard of and don’t care about because I am not randomR&Balypse.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #13: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because both groups used stickers for something or other

Some NewJeans stickers, for an album or some bullshit, although don’t ask me who in the fugly fuck is on that bottom right one

Some ILLIT stickers, for an album or some bullshit, god this looks like ass

Is your brain already falling on the floor? We’re not done yet! Apparently the idea of having stickers is a plagiarism now. Somehow NCT have managed to not be dragged into this particular controversy.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #14: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because both groups had some gay ass animation bullshit in a video

Here you can see the examples of NewJeans and Illit both doing gay ass animation bullshit in a video. Apparently only one group is allowed to do gay ass animation bullshit in a video, and if two groups do gay ass animation bullshit in a video, that’s a plagiarism of the other person’s gay ass animation bullshit in a video.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #15: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because ILLIT’s pedophile-pandering and child abuse is copying NewJeans’ pedophile-pandering and child abuse

We all know this one isn’t true. April paved the way so Min Hee Jin could walk along the path.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #16: ILLIT plagiarised some fashion label that sells white turtlenecks, because they wore white turtlenecks

If I was a fashion label I think I could easily double my income, by selling my fashions and then immediately suing whoever wore them.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #17: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans again because NewJeans did some fashion magazine thing and so did ILLIT

Wow, it’s almost like they’re both on the same parent company’s label who was able to lean on existing connections with the magazine editors to get both groups on the cover. What crazy plagiaristic times we live in.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #18: ILLIT plagiarised EXO because they did the L sign with their hands to promote some bullshit fandom name or whatever

Illit got into a spot of bother with deranged boy-fans when their fandom name Lillies was introduced and they thought they’d do a cute aegyo hand-shape to promote it – not so fast, young ladies! Anyone who thinks that the things I write in my fiction books aren’t realistic and are too far-fetched because how could stuff like that even possibly happen, just remember that we live in a real world where fans are earnestly trying to copyright making letter shapes with your hands. Talk about taking the L. Oh, and for bonus points they also pissed off fans of Blackpink’s Lisa and fans of NMIXX’s Lily with this one.

ILLIT plagiarism accusation #19: ILLIT plagiarised NewJeans yet again because they wore some… wait, what the fuck even is this?

What is a “sweat set”, that just sounds weird. Anyway Illit NewJeans plagiarism something something. You get the idea.

So there you go, that’s about it I think, and of course it’s all just some bullshit. I mean do I really need to go into any of this any deeper, of course not. Who gives a fuck anyway. But I think Illit do impress me as the new plagiarism-dols of the 2020s, I hope they keep it up and then I can do another post in eight more years with another 20 or so entries.

I’d better end this post with something actually real, as usual:

Completely trufaxual Kpopalypse ILLIT plagiarism accusation: Minju’s toxic Katarina midlane is a plagiarism of Eric Reprid’s toxic Zed midlane

Look at Minju here, gleefully smiling and laughing with her friends as her Katarina stomps on a bunch of little kids and makes them cry. What a little cunt. Definitely Kpopalypse stanning material.

But of course Eric Reprid got there first, as you can see he was talking about being a Zed midlane asshole back when cameras could only record in black and white. A true caonima.

Hopefully you’ve enjoyed another Kpopalypse plagiarism post – Kpopalypse will return with more posts soon!

 

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

Looks like everyone’s bailing out on BPM Entertainment. Of course here we’re mainly concerned about what will happen to Viviz. Kpopalypse bias list could be due for a shake up?

BTS – Swim

Do you know how hard it was for me to write a review of the “Wings” album the other day and actually stay awake? Eighteeen songs and 95% of them are either slightly above average or slightly below average, with virtually nothing notable about any of them other than that they exist, what an ordeal. Anyway true to form their new song isn’t as great as their circle-jerking “speak yourself, love yourself, but bully everyone else” fandom are pretending it is, nor is it as shitty as the average k-pop fan reeling from a full decade of ARMYs online sexual/racial abuse wishes it was. It’s just the same old mid brand BTS have well and truly established over the last decade. They paved the way – and all the pavers are the same shade of grey.

Yuna – Ice Cream

Definitely one of the best songs to ever be paired with a horrible AI slop video. Imagine how good this video could have looked with actual effort put in, like k-pop video makers were doing only two short years ago. The golden age of k-pop videos is dead and isn’t coming back.

NMIXX ft. Pabblo Vittar – Tic Tic

And this is why I wish people wouldn’t ask me to review every live stage video ever as if it’s a proper release. If the song is any good, it will eventually get an actual MV anyway if the label have any sense. And if it sounds like “Tic Tic”, it probably still will. Anyway since I’ve already thrown down on this song on an inferior video version (which isn’t really fair on NMIXX tbh but that’s your fault not mine for begging that I cover a non-MV) I don’t have much to add, so I’ll just use this space to let you know that you can do the latest Kpopalypse survey if you want, it’s out now and still has some time left to run. If you love what I do you should do it, and if you hate what I do you should definitely do it because it’s a much more effective way of telling me to go fuck myself than yelling at clouds on social media. You even get to be anonymous, I don’t even get your IP address or geo-location or anything I promise. Oh and my new book Girls909 is available for ebook pre-order now and is out in about a week and a half and you should definitely not buy it. Don’t come crying to me with your emotional trauma later if you fail to heed this advice.

Latency – Latency

I really want to support Latency but they do not have a great song as of yet. This is no more or less interesting than what BTS churned out this week.

P1Harmony – L.O.Y.L

This entire song sounds like a fart.

CRAVITY – Blast Out

Not Cravity having a better song than BTS this week. I mean it’s not amazing but just imagine how nuts people would have gone for BTS if their new song had this much fast rhythm in it. People would be like “omg the kings are back, song of the century” but since Cravity has this song instead nobody will care.

ChoCo1 x ChoCo2 – Frenzy

AI-SloPo 1 x AI-SloPo2 are back and their music is certainly nothing that’s going to work the neighbours into a frenzy.

Cosmosy – Chance

People keep weirdly begging me to put Cosmosy in roundups even though nobody cares about them and they’re consistently hot garbage and barely even k-pop so here we go. Wow, they really suck. What a shit group. No songs at all. Get them out of here. Next. There, I hope that made the 1% of my readers who give a fuck happy, I’ll now go back to ignoring them for another year.

SANTOS BRAVOS – Mhm

And this is the other reason why I don’t want to put Cosmosy in roundups – because if I have to include them, then for fairness I also have to include HYBE’s shit “latin boy group” and damn does nobody on earth want that, not even HYBE stans.

BTOB – We Together

Definitely old folks home music, surely BTOB’s fanbase can’t be this decrepit.

N.TOP – Shining Star

I’m not sure what’s worse, the AI slop balloons because somehow depriving a small town of drinking water was easier than going to the local two-dollar store to get some real balloons, or the bullshit part at about 1:50 or so where they break the mood to go all mysterious on us or whatever. Either way, this is ass.

AmbiO – Showtime

Eh.

AFuture – Spring Shower

Definite “Future Idol” label vibes in this song, which somehow isn’t from Future Idol. They should have called the song “Spring Foyer” though to match the video.

Hyunjin – Lover

Hyunjin from Stray Kids has a better boy solo than every single boy solo in my “Wings” review. Not that that’s hard mind you as all those tracks are pretty mid, but the melodic choice here is actually reasonably good.

WOODZ – Stray

What the hell is going on with Woodz lately, he’s somehow not sucking. I’m not wildly into this particular form of Seotaiji-ish nu-metal but hey it’s still something better than what he’s usually known for.

H1GHR MUSIC – Superstar

A pretty cool beat, pity nobody here really knew what to do with it. That lazy-ass chorus hook definitely isn’t cutting it.

DinDin, Cho Hyun Young – Always You

Just an FYI that a Rainbow member exists and is doing stuff. Don’t press play on this horrible ballad though, you have been warned.

Xion feat. Woozi – Blooming

Nothing much happening here. I do like it how he asks a ton of people for directions and still gets lost. Perhaps he was trying to find a better song.

Kevin Woo – No Escape

Some poop for some computer game but honestly it’s not too bad, probably one of the better songs this week.

Ellie – Sugar Rush

No, not that Ellie. You’ll see if you click. Think carefully.

Gabby Onme – Heart’s Racing

Actually really good. The only real problem here is the vocal lines are too crowded, more space would have been better. Still nice, and really nice when the singer shuts up.

Itzel – Whoo!

Cool imagery, not so sure about the music. It’s okay I guess.

Parameter – Surfer

Hey this is alright too. The small bands are making some decent stuff this week, which is great because almost nobody else is.

ChiU – Youth sometimes

Although the voice gets a bit annoying in the chorus, I’m really digging this one as well.

Layyi – I Just Cut My Hair

Here’s this week’s non-Korean random music pick. Layyi is from Singapore and this song is alright actually. Also, more people should play the Yamaha Revstar instead of stupid Gibsons. That is all.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

ChocoChipz – Idols who learned new skills for music videos

Given to me as “an actually interesting short” and it is. Learn about four things you didn’t know.

IVEy daeng – IVE WONYOUNG reacted when a fan video called her in the school toilet and was caught by his teacher

Pity about the needless edits here, this video would have been way funnier without them. Gosh I can’t imagine why the fan picked the school toilet to call her. If it was Yerin she would have called him out.

s.e.s – U

The weirdest thing about s.e.s isn’t that they fucking suck, although they obviously do and anyone who thinks otherwise probably didn’t actually spend one second of time other the last month listening to s.e.s but is just pretending to like them because they’re a veteran group and woe betide the k-pop fan who dares to have a non-positive opinion on veteran k-pop regardless of how crap it is because how dare we have opinions on things or any individuality or any challenging of the status quo, this is k-pop which is a hugely right-wing style and and we are conformists damnit. No, the weirdest thing about s.e.s is that the production of their songs was often better than their sibling group H.O.T, as it is here. Waste of time for the rubbish song of course, but it does make me wonder how SM consistently fucked up H.O.T so badly. Five albums in they were still sounding like absolute ass, whereas s.e.s had shit songs too but at least worked out where the knob was for the aux send to the compression unit.

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That’s all for this week! Oh and do the latest Kpopalypse survey if you want. Or don’t, see if I care. Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!