Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 21/8/2023

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

Chuu on top, once again. Yes part 6 of the Chuuves computer game series is going to be a banger.

Jihyo – Killin’ Me Good

Even Jihyo ripping her top off at the end couldn’t make me replay this. Next.

AKMU – Love Lee

What a boring ass song. You know that Kpopalypse is truly impartial to all biases when assessing music when I don’t like the first Suhyun comeback in 57 years even though she’s dressed like a super cute moth or something.

Aespa – Better Things

ADOR has put SM on the back foot as they now try to catch up to the latest trending sound and crash and burn miserably because ‘less is more’ just isn’t something that SM productions have ever been about. They’ll probably spit out a half-decent OldJeans eventually, but it’ll probably take them another half a decade.

STAYC – Bubble

The whole ‘random melodies’ thing can actually be made to work if you put the random melodies and all the other melodies in the same tonality, because then they don’t sound so fucking random like the songwriter regressed into the brain of a five year old for a few seconds in the middle of the pre-chorus. Someone at STAYC HQ knows how to actually write a fucking song, imagine that.

tripleS LOVElution – Girls’ Capitalism

A great concept that I really want to like, but the song just kind of meanders along and doesn’t do a whole lot with it.

EVERGLOW – Slay

Everglow “in our area” actually sounds a bit better than most of the 2NE2 clone attempts, due to an anthemic chorus that will stay in my head a lot longer than most of what came out this week.

Sorn feat. Seungyeon – Rowdy

Sorn’s milkshake definitely brings all the something to the something, and it’s a nice attempt at something different to her usual style, but it definitely lacks rowdiness – it just sounds too polite, like she’s too far out of her comfort zone to really cut loose. It’s not bad but it needs something like Swervy or Jvcki Wai or Lee Youngji’s delivery style to really hit home.

Elkie – Speed Up

Apparently a rejected CLC song, and the track isn’t bad at all, but what did they do to her vocals? There’s something very strange happening in the vocal layers, like they’ve put her through a subtle layer of harmoniser to thicken her up ABBA-style, but with the extra harmonies below instead of above. I can’t quite place it, but the “simulated Elkie” effect of the result is a real drag.

Huh Yunjin – Blessing In Disguise

They only used 30% of the screen, so I’m only going to write 30% of this review. Anyway I listened to this for the first time and I really felt like

Tsuki – I Don’t Know Yet What Love Is

Whatever love is, it’s not this remake of a fairly tepid song that doesn’t really suit Tsuki at all. Bring on the next Billlie track I guess.

Adya – What’s Up?

Another weak remake, this is so similar to the original that it might as well not exist.

PRIMROSE – Laffy Taffy

You kind of know with a name like that that you’re getting budget mid-period Red Velvet and yes that’s exactly what this is.

Lapillus – Ulala

Eh.

Yuju – Rewind

Dreary squirty nonsense, Gfriend didn’t die for this.

U-KNOW – Vuja De

Another load of ass.

DKB – Told You

I’m told by my song submitter that for some reason this song has the same mv and same instrumental but different melody from last week’s song of the same name, but I find myself strangely unable to give a fuck.

LUCY – Haze

For millennial-whooping conservative dogshit lighter-waving songs for fuckheads who should be killed, this is actually really great.

VANNER – Performer

They all want to be SHINee just like all the thrash metal bands want to be Slayer.

TFN – Ice Cream

“Ay yo” is never a good start to a song called “Ice Cream”.

PLAN B – Over Flow

I hope these guys have a plan B for when their music career fails.

LE’V – A.I.BAE

Okay, the riff is cool. Since the riff runs most of the way through the song I can just listen to that and ignore the other stuff, and it ends up working out okay.

BZ-BOYS – Outlaw

Fuck this shit music so let’s instead have your weekly lesson in black music from Kpopalypse, pay attention class, and don’t think I’m fucking running out of black music that I like anytime soon, not likely cunt – I’ve got plenty of picks to last the rest of the year, trust me on that. Jano Band are from Ethiopia and you’ve probably never heard of them before now and that’s a shame because they’re fucking cool as shit so allow me to introduce you. Some of their stuff sounds a bit like Jackson Five before they discovered synths but their best music is far better than that, check out this song here which is some kind of African folk music take on Black Sabbath. That’s not a very good description of what you’re about to hear, but it’s about the best I can do, anyway just listen to it because it rocks in a way that I guarantee you isn’t like anything else you’re hearing lately out of pretty much anywhere.

SEVENUS – Summer Ride

Back to Korean pop now and sorry not much is happening.

ATTI – Blue

This is actually Kaachi with a new name, and not sure why, the song’s not very good though so oh well. This was the video where I got so bored that I just sort of absent-mindedly rested my hand on my mouse too hard and discovered that holding down the left mouse button on a YouTube video plays it at 2x speed, so thanks girls, I guess. (Doesn’t work on embeds though.)

ISEGYE IDOL – Kidding

Some of the girls’ ties animate in this video and others don’t and it bothers me for some dumb reason and it’s now all I can think about when watching this.

NC.A – What’s the meaning of living alone?

Song’s boring but I’ve always liked NC.A ever since Uni-T, so this song can go here. Even if I can never remember whether the random dot goes on the left or the right of the C. Wow, Suhyun and NC.A in one week, it’s a good roundup by Kpopalypse standards.

Chen – Light of My Life

The reason why Americans haven’t attempted any more manned moon missions since the 1970s is that Chen is stuck up there and nobody wants to hear his ballads.

Hyuk – The night I’m alone

More boring solo songs from boys in boy groups looking to break out into that big solo career. I don’t think it’s happening with the Coldplay-lite vibes here.

Nell – Wanderer

Speaking of which, Nell are back, but they actually sound a little less boring these days than they used to back in the day.

Loco – INEEDYOURLOVE

Why is this rapper dickhead so happy. Oh that’s right, he did a song with T-ara’s Hyomin back in the day. I guess that’s fair enough, then.

Loco – Volvo

It’s probably a facet of Australian culture not known to many of my readers, but the Volvo car has a stereotype in Australia for anyone born before about 1980 of being the car of choice for really shitty, over-cautious, nervous drivers. I grew up with my father sledging “bloody Volvo drivers” for their shit parallel parks and fidgety U-turns so it’s weird to see the brand adopted as something cool by smelly hip-hoppers. It’s as weird to me as how the word “cunt” hasn’t changed its meaning at all in Australia lately, but everywhere else it suddenly went from the most offensive word ever to “life of the LGBT party” in the space of about two weeks.

ABLE – Paradise (former Beast/Troublemaker member Hyunseung)

This is the guy who make all those videos with Hyuna that were probably more interesting than Hyuna’s actual love life. What’s he got to be rapping about now, just be happy and shut up.

BIGONE feat. Dive, Do Hanse – Pop Punk

It isn’t.

015B feat. KYLY – But I have an AC

015B are actually decent when they rock it up just a little.

Silica Gel feat. So!YoON! – Tik Tak Tok

Sometimes k-pop’s retro rock excursions really just fucking nail it, and this certainly does.

GYOPO BOYZ – New Korea

I love it when there’s disclaimers at the front of these things, always the sign of a quality visual concept, not quality music though, oh well.

Street Baby feat. Chillin Homie, Don Mills, Los – Out The Mind Remix

Goddamn, learn to talk before you learn to rap. That’s enough roundup for one week, let’s spare everyone more of this nonsense.

Rockit Girl – Instar

Oh here’s Leeseul to make everything better. Okay I can relax and think happy thoughts now.

MORE TV SHOW BULLSHIT YAWN

Dohwa, Elly, Yeoreum, Yeeun, Juri, Jiwoo, Hwiseo – Last Piece

Well okay this one’s actually pretty good, it has some punch unlike most of the weak crap this week.

Nana, Suyun, Yeonhee, Wooyeon, Yuki, Jihan, Kei – Billionaire

The other TV show song licks stinky dog balls though. Don’t you love it when the overly dramatic intro gives way to a total pile of ass.

RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

MAXIM something 2023 cosplay something or other

I don’t trust people who can’t appreciate the human form, male or female. Someone who says “I like Jihyo’s titties” or “I like Wonho’s bulge”, I trust that person more because they’re honest and upfront, which isn’t creepy to me. Whereas someone trying to claim to be holier-than-thou and “oh no I’m not into that” is always a piece of human garbage, every single fucking time. Statistically, it’s proven that it’s the tsk-tsking priesthood that harbours the most sex creeps, and the R&B balladeers are always way more likely to have rape dungeons than the people who actually write songs about rape dungeons. For the rest of you fine upstanding people of culture who come to Kpopalypse.com because you are honest about your tastes, you could check out these quality cosplays if you wanted. Happy to be here to expand your scope of appreciation, let’s all look respectfully and thank these people politely for their efforts. For the rest of you, why you continue to find yourselves here, maybe you should ask yourselves that honestly…

I Subscribed to NMIXX’s Bubble for 32 Days… Here’s What Happened

Now for something that’s actually creepy, and this guy goes on a dive way too deep into some weird parasocial NMIXX faux-texting app (he explains the dubious bond-forming charade aspect of it less than a minute in if you’re wondering WTF) just… for reasons, I guess? The results might be interesting if you like stats and stuff, or like seeing how far one is willing to debase themselves for clicks.

Young Turks Club – Ta In

A bit too placid to have the impact that “Affection” did, Young Turks Club were still one of the better groups from back in the early k-idol days, and this song is still better than most of what happened back then. I also enjoy the visual style, k-pop performers must have gotten really sick of always having their hair always in their eyes back then.

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That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!