Kpopalypse checks out Jay Park’s OnlyFans, so you don’t have to

Readers recently alerted me to the fact that k-pop singer Jay Park has an OnlyFans account. As the expert of all things concerning objectification in k-pop, of course Kpopalypse had to be there! As the first k-pop performer to traverse this bold new frontier, does Jay Park’s OnlyFans meet required standards? Let’s find out!

I was told that Jay Park’s OnlyFans account is completely free, with no paywalled content at all. Could this be true? Will there be faps? Let’s take a look!

Of course I had to Google search Jay Park’s account, because I don’t have an OnlyFans and wouldn’t know the first thing about accessing an OnlyFans account, gosh no.

Here it is. Should I subscribe?

Well I guess I’d fucking better or this is going to be a very short post.

The only post on his OnlyFans that is visible without a subscription is his “McNasty” video. Since I can just watch that on YouTube, I decided that I’d better make an account and subscribe to Jay to see all the other stuff. So I hit subscribe and got greeted with this popup:

Add a fucking payment card? I thought this was free, cunt? Looks like OnlyFans wants my payment card information. I guess I’ll hand my card info over to some pornographers, why the hell not, wouldn’t be the first time.

Not only that, but I’m getting charged ten cents…

…actually fifteen cents, because the Australian currency is so shit. Jay had better appreciate this. He totally owes my girlfriend another bottle of soju for this shit.

Oh but before I can go in, as a final hurdle I have to prove that I can identify Shinsadong Tiger’s bangbus. Once that was done, I was in! Time to check out the goods!

Here’s a nice pic of Jay’s tattoos because we’ve never seen those before. On the actual account you can zoom up a bit further on these, but I think this is close enough.

I’m not completely sure what’s happening in this picture, I suspect the lady off to the side is his mother, muttering “if you’re going to do this online porn thing at least fix your damn collar”…

I didn’t know that Jay Park had this back-of-the-neck tattoo so that’s some extra cursed knowledge for you today.

There’s a whole bunch of photos of him in the kitchen, this here is the best one, holding his phone while covered in an unidentified white substance. This is a decent photo and it could get him a few votes in the objectification survey, which is still running at the time of writing so if you haven’t voted for Jay, you’ve still got time!

Jay seems to be behind some glass here for some reason, perhaps for your safety. The lion or whatever that is on his chest looks a bit like Xi Jinping from this angle.

Here’s Jay with some of the Girl’s Day underwear that he probably bought off the dark web and Xi Jinping sticking his face in it. At this point my mind started to wander a bit and then I noticed that I had one new message!

Who could it be?

Oh my god, it’s Jay himself! Clearly he cares deeply about Kpopalypse to send me a private message! I’m completely certain this isn’t automated or anything. So since he took the trouble to message me, I thought I’d better write back to him:

I’ll let you know if he gets back to me. In the meantime on with the eye candy.

There aren’t many videos on Jay’s OnlyFans, but this was the best one. Jay Park is even calling himself Mr McNasty now, that’s cute. I like the dripping sweat, that’s a nice touch. Jay should be careful though, he’s plagiarising what will probably be known forever as the “Wonho angle” with those bulging shorts in the lower half of the frame. I’m not sure if this will be enough to topple Wonho from the survey results but the effort is appreciated.

Unfortunately that’s about it other than a few posters. The only other stuff here wasn’t really any different to what’s on his Instagram, and his Instagram also has pictures of Natty from Kiss Of Life just saying. He doesn’t even update the OnlyFans page anymore, I guess now that his song is out he doesn’t care. Mind you at fifteen cents I guess the price of the page is pretty reasonable, even if the soju isn’t.

Seriously. I could get three months of subs to Kpopalypse hot tub bias Velvet7’s OnlyFans for that price. Tsk tsk, Jay. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this visit to Jay Park’s OnlyFans and Kpopalypse will return!