Kpopalypse answers: is blackpink satanic

Every day many people search the Internet and find themselves on Kpopalypse blog as a result. I receive daily summaries of all Internet searches that direct people to kpopalypse.com through my website’s sneaky stats-collection machine, which tells me what the Internet is really concerned about underneath the surface. While most of these results are predictable, sometimes a query comes through that is just so unique and compelling that I have to address it:

In this post, Kpopalypse answers the question – is blackpink satanic

Since the Chuu+ bot that used to retweet search terms that landed people on Kpopalypse.com has died due to Elon Musk insisting on money for API access, which I refuse to pay for as he doesn’t even give his goddaughter Gowon an allowance, Kpopalypse readers have been missing their regular fill of search term goodness. Therefore, the “Kpopalypse answers” series is now back to answer those all-important reader queries that they didn’t know they had! Let’s take a look at Blackpink and see how satanic they really are.

Now although I am a confirmed first-wave-of-Black-Metal listening satanist and thus uniquely qualified to answer this type of question, this might get tricky due to the current status of girl group Blackpink as an entity of the k-pops. Blackpink are in a bit of a “state of flux” at the moment, which is my way of saying that we don’t really know what the fuck is going on with them or if they’re even an actual group anymore. I think that since Blackpink’s contracts have run out and Blackpink have renegotiated their terms so that they might actually make money one day, YG Entertainment have now divested heavily from Blackpink’s group activities in order to funnel their energies into 2NE3 Babymonster. So this post will assess the satanic qualities of Blackpink both as a group, and as individuals, as it’s quite possible that individual activities might be all that we’re getting from Blackpink for the forseeable future. We’ll start off by what we can determine about Blackpink’s satanism as a group.

Of course, I did the first thing that anybody researching anything does these days, and went straight to YouTube. Here’s the most promising videos that I got for “blackpink satanic” as a YouTube search.

The video creator’s idea of Blackpink telling some kind of Greek mythological tale over the course of four videos is pretty hilariously overreaching, and definitely a good example of confirmation bias. However what it isn’t, is satanic, which was disappointing. Let’s move on.

I got all excited by this, but Blackpink don’t actually have a song called “Satan Is A Woman”, it’s just Blackpink visuals synced up (badly) to some lame Ariana Grande song. Yawn, next.

Jisoo called the other members of Blackpink “satan”, except she didn’t and she was actually referring to some characters on a k-drama or something. Or maybe she did but she probably didn’t mean it, which is a shame for this post.

Here’s a video where the dumb really jumped out hard. This YouTuber reaches to the fucking sky, seeing “the black sun” in scenes where there’s literally nothing black there (more like a Burning Sun amirite), confuses satanism with freemasonry, can’t count the amount of points on a pentagram, says Lisa eats an apple that she doesn’t eat, and of course we have that old “backwards message” chestnut although what they think Blackpink are actually saying in reverse oddly isn’t stated. Knowing YG, “have another drink it’s fine” seems likely.

More stupidity from clickbait YouTubers with an Illuminati obsession. If wearing masks is supposedly satanic, then I guess we were all satan worshippers during COVID… sadly the morons who made this probably believe that, too, because there’s quite a crossover between “dumb satanic conspiracy believers” and COVID deniers/flat earthers/numerologists/MBTI believers/Hwayoung stans etc. On top of that they think black and white tiles symbolise freemasonry rather than chess, and what’s up with the constant false satanism/freemason thing these videos do, trust me I’ve met quite a few satanists and freemasons and they HATE each other. Pretty much everything else here is just too dumb to even address, which is a shame as I was really hoping for them to dig up something real, or at least something funny.

This priest on the other hand actually has a brain and was pretty good at giving a less reaching interpretation of the “Kill This Love” video as well as just being entertaining in general. He also found the Greek god stuff mentioned earlier (6:23) some Freud stuff (from 4:11) and even dispensed some reasonable life advice (not on QRIMOLE tier amirite but still better than I’d expect from a goddamn priest ffs) but again, he didn’t find any satanism. What a letdown.

He didn’t find anything satanic here either, and even offers his services to them as a chaplain. To do what exactly, I’m not sure (a shoulder to cry on about contract terms and diets I guess) but priest Chris here actually seems quite taken with the k-pops in general and didn’t run away screaming so I guess Blackpink get a clean bill of spiritual health.

Well, if even a priest can’t find anything satanic about Blackpink as a group, then I’m probably not going to be able to. However what about the members as individuals? Regardless of the status of the group, Blackpink members are all still alive at the time of writing and doing stuff (and yes I just checked to make sure other websites didn’t have 40 articles milking any Blackpink member’s recent death, so we can be sure about their currently-alive status at least for now) so let’s check out what they’ve been up to and if we can detect any satanism.

JENNIE

What has Jennie been up to lately? Anything that could possibly please the dark lord?

Jennie recently attended the Met Gala, whatever the fuck that even is. Apparently she’s also been photoshopping all the men out of her Met Gala press photos, which is why the photo above contains no men, just a bunch of Australian cunts.

She’s also been hanging out with Zico, checking his golden phone. Apparently the contacts list in his phone is so interesting that it even attracts A-list stars like Jennie just to scroll through the contacts list.

Other than this, Jennie has been doing a whole lot of nothing, cancelling work and trying to have some chill time, which is probably a good idea given how much her health was pushed in Blackpink. While sloth is apparently a deadly sin, and idle time is the devil’s playground, it’s also true that the devil works hard (but people searching for boobs on Kpopalypse.com work harder). So none of this really says a lot about satanism, which is a shame as I’d enjoy another reason to stan Jennie.

LISA

Did you know that Lisa owns five cats? I feel like this is relevant information, and not just from a general “meeting required cat standards” point of view.

Apparently cats have been associated with satanism since the Middle Ages, so Lisa is already one step ahead of her Blackpink peers here. Assuming those Middle Ages folks were correct of course, but they were probably just a bunch of cunts, so maybe we shouldn’t listen to them.

Lisa also did some stripping “burlesque performance” at the Crazy Horse in Paris, and while lust is apparently a deadly sin, Adam and Eve were naked and felt no shame in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:25), it’s the serpent who made them put on clothes (Genesis 3:7). So overall claims of satanism here seem sketchy at best.

ROSE

What’s Blackpink’s Rose been up to lately?

Well apparently according to this YouTuber she’s become “really boring”, although I’m not actually sure what that means (because I didn’t watch this clickbait video and probably neither should you), but I’m guessing that she hasn’t been caught by the paparazzi heading up a witches’ coven somewhere, because that would be totally interesting to these clickbait YouTubers.

Rose has also started her own company and has been “working really hard on some things”. Here’s a snippet she released of one of them.

The song being called “Vampirehollie” doesn’t really cut it for satanic content because the lyrics are more about angels being nice and evil being bad, so that’s definitely minus points on the satanism scale. Mind you the guitar tone is pretty tinny and badly recorded on purpose like those Burzum records so that cancels it out a bit. Overall, the needle on satanism isn’t moving here very much but I’m still looking forward to Rose’s second wave of black metal comeback.

JISOO

Jisoo immediately gets satanism points for posing with a black cat. Did you know that shelters have a hard time getting rid of black cats because a lot of people don’t want them due to supersitions about ‘bad luck’ as well as them supposedly not showing up in selfies that well? I think Jisoo just proved everyone wrong here because this is about the best picture of an idol with a black cat that I’ve ever seen.

Jisoo is apparently doing some filming stuff, for some dramas that I probably won’t watch, but she’s working hard at that apparently, and also starting her own company plus doing some fashion shit or whatever. I guess vanity is another deadly sin, so with that plus the black cat thing I think Jisoo is collecting points.

As I pointed out when I reviewed it, Jisoo only gets a few seconds of solo time in the “Light Up The Sky” Blackpink documentary, and I suspect it’s because she has caonima tendencies that YG didn’t want to appear on camera.

The devil doesn’t always come with horns and a pitchfork, sometimes he comes dressed up like everything you’ve ever wanted, like your k-pop bias wearing horns and a pitchfork[/caption]

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I hope you found this post educational! Kpopalypse will return!