Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 26/2/2024
It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
TWICE – One Spark
Flagging this for a “Jeongyeon Has Been Given Decent Clothes AND Has Significant Lines Alert” (hereafter known as a JHBGDCADSLA). Putting that aside for a brief second, the song isn’t Twice’s best but it’s definitely on the good side of average.
IU – Shopper
After her garbage song last week it’s good to see IU returning to form with the really good song that she should have released instead, an ode to self-fulfillment wrapped up in a consumerist metaphor because zombified overconsumption is the only language that today’s TikTok-damaged serfdom understands.
IU feat. Hyein, Joe Won Sun – Shh…
A pity that this other song is kind of stale and sluggish but what’s more important is how lesbian is the video? There’s lots of suggestive eye contact here but not a lot else, I give this video one and a half Halcyon lightsticks out of 5 on the lesbian k-pop scale.
IU – I Stan U
Speaking of which, IU holding her own lightstick and stanning herself is certainly something, couldn’t she have given someone else some promo instead, gosh no, fuck giving some struggling artist a leg up, that’s not how the hyper-competitive cutthroat k-pop world works. This mid-tempo album filler is actually pretty good though, so who knows, IU’s latest album might even be one of those rare ones that is actually worth getting for more than the photobook.
Taeyong – Tap
He suggested that I tap on him, so I did, and it stopped the video from playing. Good looking out, Taeyong.
J.Y. Park, Stray Kids, ITZY, NMIXX – Like Magic
The way to have four different groups collaborate isn’t to have four different songs and mush them together, but guess JYP is all in on his MIXX-pop nowadays, not realising that the real reason for NMIXX’s popularity is probably just Lily being Lily, not the stupid songwriting concepts.
BIBI – Sugar Rush
Cool concept, excellent video, average song. Yes, we’re in Bibi territory.
AleXa – Sick
As usual Alexa has a song that just doesn’t hit for me, and that’s always been the only problem I’ve ever had with what she does – everything else about her has always been excellent. The video here is fantastic, it’s a great concept, as usual she just looks better and better with each new video, and she’s so incredibly likeable both onstage and off that I can’t just help but go “awwww” even when she’s waving knives around trying to stab some guy (presumably her promoter, given how under-the-radar she’s been lately). I hope that one day she gets both the songs and the popularity that she deserves.
Moonbyul – Touchin&Movin’
Starts off like any other Mamamoo song (which made me wonder what’s the point of having a solo song that sounds just like the group) but it actually gets quite a bit better as it approaches the chorus. I don’t think she’s going to beat C.I.T.T anytime soon but this song at least something something touching something moving yeah it’s not bad I guess.
A.C.E – My Girl
No gabber techno? No shorts? Please can we have A.C.E 1.0 back.
TRI.BE – Diamond
Shinsadong Tiger’s final big feature song for TRI.BE before he sadly passed away shows all too clearly what most likely led to his death – burnout. He wrote several incredibly good songs for other artists but was never able to really get TRI.BE off the ground creatively, and with his mounting debts toward the end of his life, the pressure to do so must have been enormous. The only thing really notable about “Diamond” is the sense of odd melancholy that it’s infused with, which it probably wouldn’t have to quite the same extent if Tiger was still alive, as there’s nothing very interesting about the song other than the circumstances in which it was written. It certainly doesn’t hold a candle to his generally excellent back-catalogue.
TRI.BE – Run
His other song sadly isn’t much to get excited about either. A shame as a really great swansong would have been fitting for such an influential composer who wrote for so many of my favourite groups, but sadly it was not to be. I’ll have to choose another way to remember the man who wrote my favourite k-pop song of the 2010s.
Cravity – Love Or Die
Oh shit, it’s fucking great! Cravity are definitely in my cavity with this banger, this is definitely a sign that I should get pegged sooner rather than later (thanks for all the anal sex advice after the most recent Nugu Alert by the way, cheers for that, it warms my heart to know I have readers I can rely on in times of need.)
STELLIVE – Milky Way
I’m told by my song submitter that STELLIVE is “a six-member virtual content creator group” and I’ll be honest, I have no idea what the fuck that even means. In fact I’m not sure if anyone knows what it means. Fortunately I don’t think this song is enough to make anybody care anyway.
X:IN – My Idol
First Eric Reprid and now X:IN, I feel like we’re reaching some kind of watershed moment for English lyrics in k-pop. Mind you, these girls didn’t mention T-ara or f(x) or even Orange Caramel, so fuck them, bunch of antis I swear.
X:IN – No Doubt
And now they’re locked up, good.
NOMAD – Let me love you
I don’t think I give a fuck about this song, so let’s have our Asian but non-Korean non-pop non-“world music” feature here instead! This time let’s have Japan’s King Brothers, a group with incredibly awesome punk rock energy that pisses all over Japan’s overly polite rock scene, which I can attest to personally as I had the privilege of touring with these guys when they came to Australia. This video does what it can to capture this band’s chaotic live shows, and completely fails, but that’s nobody’s fault because I don’t think such an energy could even be captured in a format as bland as a music video without some kind of genius direction at the helm. Anyway my bandmates honestly got a bit annoyed playing on the same bill as these guys, as they were borrowing a lot of our gear and weren’t exactly kind to it. I understand they went through quite a bit of our drum equipment on that tour, doing crazy shit like getting up on the balcony and diving onto the stage, trying to hit the drums on their way down, but hey that’s the price you pay for lending your gear to such a bunch of crazy cunts.
Cha Eunwoo – Stay
Vertical videos aren’t enough, now we have horizontally-stretched videos because it’s “cinematic” or something. I guess it is cinematic, just a pity that the film isn’t any good.
ASTRO – Circles
At least it’s better than Astro’s song as a full group, which is just that generic album filler thing that apparently you’re racist if you don’t like, or something.
Plave – Way 4 Luv
Is that car a JFK reference or a Rebecca Black reference? Either way I was certainly waiting for a bullet to come whizzing out of the book depository.
KELT9b – Get Ya
I don’t know this group but the rock appreoach is appreciated, even if the rresults don’t quite work because nobody knoew how to write a rock song except “add guitar to it, I guess”.
Otis Lim feat. Jay Park – Give Me the Night
Looks like Jay Park will appear on anyone’s record for a bottle of soju. I think that’s a good thing, but where’s the bottle for my girlfriend? Fuck integrity, I never claimed to be [insert your favourite music critic here], no matter how much the morons who don’t get it claim that I’m holding up these roundups as some kind of exalted thinkpieces when they’re literally what I shat out in ten seconds after listening to each song. I’ll gladly throw this garbage a positive review if I get some green bottles in the post, do you know how much alcohol costs where I live? A fucking lot, man.
Bryn – Still
Bryn kind of freaked me out last year by actually having a really good song after a whole run of shit, and this new track isn’t too bad either. It’s at least listenable, so I have to respect her for increasing her batting average.
Daniel Jikal – One Of A Kind
Any rapper writing a song called “One Of A Kind” might want to check first that their exact same style hasn’t already been done 23456987 times.
Song Ji Eun – Confession
The ex-Secret member’s ballad is as generic as ballads get, this is more just here as an FYI that she’s still around and doing things you’re welcome.
Nam Gyuri – Halo
Gyuri used to be in Seeya and she’s also still doing things, her song is a little bit more interesting though, in that Rainbow Note-ish “we’ve got the right keyboard patches but we’re still learning what to do with them” kind of way.
Rockit Girl – Only One
They’re never going to have a “Little Cat” again just because Della is gone and remaining singer Leeseul’s brand is more about posing out rather than singing, but damn she has the posing out market so cornered that I don’t think I give a fuck. This girl has a pink Shure 55 AND sings into it correctly, asking for more just seems selfish.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
American k-pop singer AleXa laments not promoting in two years
Oh my god guys we have to stream “Sick” non-stop and get it tons of plays on YouTube. Look at the poor girl, she looks devastated, you can tell she’s practically seething as well. What will happen to her if we don’t support her new song, will she quit music, or worse? I don’t think I could handle a life without AleXa looking incredibly stylish in music videos, let’s all give her lots of support.
Ki-OFF – Welcome to the Chinese Zodiac Cafe
Watch Kiss Of Life’s Natty make her first Iced Americano, because you can. I don’t know how to make this type of coffee and after watching this video I still don’t know, but I felt like I learned something anyway.
4minute – Hot Issue
In light of Shinsadong Tiger’s passing, several people suggested that I cover “Hot Issue” so here you go. It’s definitely not the best Shinsadong Tiger song, but it’s probably the best one out of all the ones I’ve never written anything about. It certainly takes me back to the times when you could rely on a k-pop song having at least one chord change plus a beat that didn’t constantly drop out to nothing to “build tension”, like we want to be tense all the fucking time instead of just fucking rocking out. Shinsadong Tiger will definitely be missed around these parts. Stay safe and pace your creative activity carefully, kids.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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