Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 18/9/2023

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

A hiatus for “health issues”? But k-pop agencies look after their stars so much! How could health issues even be possible? Surely the agencies would never let it get to that point? Hey, where are you going, no don’t call the doctor, I’m fine…

Loossemble – Sensitive

People always ask me to “talk about the song”, but the song here is by far the least interesting thing about this comeback. From the Thelma & Louise intro (along with all that implies about their relationship with Blockberry) to the outro implying that we’re going back to the Loonaverse, to Vivi actually getting screen time, it’s exactly the concept that this group needed. Now imagine if the song was dynamic and powerful enough to capitalise on it, instead of just another average dance track.

V – Blue

He sounds this fucking miserable and he hasn’t even been to the army yet. Imagine how much more depressed he’s going to be after he gets back.

V – For Us

This song should come with a disclaimer saying not to listen while driving or operating heavy machinery.

TXT & Anitta – Back For Me

At least BTS’s labelmates remain somewhat awake and have a pulse. I’m sure they’ll be put out to ballad semi-retirement eventually, but for now we’re good.

EL7Z UP – Cheeky

One point that AZODi made in my recent interview with him is that track writers and topline (vocal melody) writers are rarely the same people, because the skillsets are so different. You can really notice that here, a perfect example of what often goes wrong when a song is “written by committee”. The backing track has all kinds of creative choices in it that hang together fairly well but the topline writer had completely different ideas and just shits the bed at every turn, steering everything in the wrong direction until it all turns into an N-MUSH.

Weeekly – Good Day (Special Dailee)

I don’t like to admit it because there’s no Jiyoon and I miss her, but this song is really fucking good, and the total opposite of EL7ZUP this week – just a simple idea, done well, with an absence of bullshit. It’s certainly excellent for a ‘fan song’, where the bar is so low it’s pretty much on the floor.

Hur Youngji – L.O.V.E

Fun fact: Youngji has now been a member of KARA for a longer stretch of time than half of the original members, yet people still shit on her like she joined the group yesterday. I call this “Derrick Green syndrome”.

Mimiirose – Flirting

This weird semi-almost-reggae thing isn’t too bad and I like how the chord progressions move slow while the beat is quick, that’s very unusual in k-pop. I’m not sure if I would have sold the rights to my trot back-catalogue for it, but I can listen to this.

POW – Favorite

Very One-Directionish vibes here musically with the bright pop sound and the barre chords. I didn’t like One Direction when they did it and I don’t like this much either but it could be worse.

Aespa – Spicy (Nitepunk Remix)

Another hideously generic SM Entertainment remix that you can safely ignore the existence of. I’m sure it sounds great in the club at 3am when on psychedelics but any normal person doing normal person things isn’t going to be interested in this.

X:IN – Close My Eyes

I don’t have much to say about this average song or the bland dance video that goes with it, so here’s just a reminder that the latest Kpopalypse survey is now live. If you want to do more than just whine like a bitch about the content on this website but actually have some sort of a say in how it’s run in a format where I’ll actually pay some attention (maybe) then CLICK HERE, fill it out and enjoy!

X:IN – Cat & Tiger

The other song’s also pretty bland so let’s instead have our weekly black music feature! I’m not kidding when I say that all popular music comes from black music and punk is no exception. I mean, we all know that Bikini Kill invented the “riot grrl” sound except they really didn’t because the UK’s Xray Spex was doing exactly the same thing two decades prior. Kathleen Hanna in Bikini Kill days was working Poly Styrene’s playbook right down to the stage presence and howling monotone vocals telling the patriarchy to get lost. I’ll be honest – I actually liked Bikini Kill a little bit more because they had dirtier guitars and more modern production (and they fucked off the stupid saxophone solos, a wise decision) but there’s no denying that this was where that sound originated, and you’ve got to start somewhere. Poly Styrene was a great place to start, her uncompromising sound and image PAVED THE WAY for female punk vocals worldwide in the decades to follow.

Withus – Psycho

I actually really like the production here and this would have blown me away in 2003, but it’s 2023 and I’ve heard this done too many times to care.

D.O – Somebody

Spends far too much of its time in finger-snapping land. To snap your fingers legally you should be over 70 years old and have ID.

Jung Yonghwa – Your City

I’m sorry about not talking about the microphone last week in that one song that had the microphone in it, but I have been crapping on about the issue for a whole decade now and the only person who listened was Leeseul from Rockit Girl, so I feel like I’ve paid my dues. I’m passing the torch to you lot.

FTISLAND – F-R-I-E-N-DS

Anyone my age gets PTSD from seeing the word “friends” hyphenated like that.

Dawn feat. 10CM – Star

I like the fire that leaves no smoke, this guy has the solution to our energy crisis, people. He should get together with Chuu and save our planet, and maybe also make some not-shit music while he’s at it, that’d be a first.

Hyolyn – Fizzled

Accurate song title of the week.

Kim Sejeong – If We Do

I love how at 1:23 some guy comes in with a few quick guitar power chords and then stops and is never heard from again for the entire rest of the song. I guess he started up and realised he was on an ex-girl group coffee shop solo track and realised “oh shit, I thought I was in the wrong studio session, sorry, I thought I was being hired for something actually interesting, my bad”.

APOKI – Space

Holy fucking shit it really is sad times for k-pop when everyone’s favourite CGI furry pedo space ninja (or whatever the fuck APOKI is supposed to be, does anyone even know?) has one of the best songs I’ve heard in recent memory. It’s basically Gfriend’s “Mago” if you remove the lyrics about satan worship and all the ridiculously attractive people and replaced them with the ugliest thing to ever exist just because you could, and yes those are all backwards steps by a mile but none of them change the music.

DPR IAN – So I Danced

More CGI being used for evil rather than good, but this time we don’t get the decent song to go along with it. I’m colour blind and this video marginalised me.

Song Minkyung – What’s Happening

This girl was in The Seeya so that’s enough reason for me to want to be as charitable as possible because she had to put with with k-pop hell as surely as Loona, so I guess I’m kind of tolerating this disco trot nonsense with the dippy synthesiser leads for no reason.

Jung Dakyung – A West Wind

Jung Dakyung is shit as well but I’m old so I’m allowed to like garbage music like this.

Hyeda – I Love It

Another song that really needed the guitars turned up in the mix a little.

015B feat. Soseom – Autumn 1984, Mungdol

Fuck, it sounds like one of the ballads on Young Talent Time, complete with the sleepytime harmonica. Kill me now. Nuke my entire country.

Suen feat. Sik-K – My Prada

This girl reminded me of Mintty with the hat over the eyes thing, unfortunately she’s just as terrible.

YDG feat. Dbo, Lil Asian* +, Slaylonie – It’s Okay

I kind of respect Dbo because he’s so committed to being absolutely awful in every way. He must really believe passionately in what he’s doing.

Huh – Hit The Floor

These guys sticking their fingers up at the camera as if we’re doing it right back, which we are, because this music stinks. Anyway that’s enough for this week damn.

Min Kang – Lucy

Let’s leave on something not completely shit. Goddamn this guy can shred. You know whenever someone turns up with one of those Abasi guitars that they mean business.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

Adora – Nth Universe (My Reason To Die OST)

I don’t do OSTs generally which is why this is in bonus vids, I’m just happy that Kpopalypse bias Adora is still doing stuff. I was worried about her after she went super quiet on social networking, so I just wanted to alert readers to the fact that she exists and hasn’t done an Eyedi on us.

(G)I-DLE Break Down Their Favorite Snacks | Snacked

People were amazed when I called out Fifty Fifty for being tortured by their agency months before that shit went public, but you don’t need to be Einstein to predict this stuff, you just need to be reasonably aware and not drinking the k-pop cult Kool-aid. Look at these girls, actually getting to eat two spoonfuls of noodles, they will write in their memoirs about this moment.

f(x) – Danger

“Danger” certainly isn’t awful, and is probably on the better side of k-pop comebacks generally, but I’ve ignored talking about it for a decade and that’s for a reason. It’s good example of what f(x) could do back in the day, but for every thing that this track does right, there’s another f(x) track that does the same thing but better. It’s got the stomping beat of “NU ABO” but not quite as stomping, the cool synths of “Hot Summer” but not quite as cool, the catchy chants of “Electric Shock” but not quite as catchy. It just all falls somewhere in the middle, which means that it combines the best of everything about f(x), but mixed into a ‘lite’ version. It’s still decent enough, but there’s no way I’d put it on by choice if I had any of the aforementioned songs to listen to instead.

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That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week! In the meantime don’t forget that the latest Kpopalypse survey is now LIVE so CLICK HERE and take the survey while you can! Thanks, caonimas!