Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 17/4/2023

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

In the second Shin Hana novel (currently about 40% written, definitely looking at a 2023 release for this now), the girls of Halcyon meet k-pop boys for the first time. Place your votes for which one would be happiest to let TXT’s Taehyun grind up against her in the comments below!

NCT DOJAEJUNG – Perfume

For my readers who are openly jacking it to NCT I think you’ve definitely been catered to here, you’re welcome. Not so sure about the rest of us though.

Lee Chaeyeon – Knock

Le Sserafim’s debut must have really made some people notice, because a lot of people are doing that heavy bass-guitar driven sound now. That, or it’s just the same person who wrote that getting gigs all over the place. I don’t mind it.

Kep1er – Back to the City

I really really dislike putting live stages in my roundup posts, because normally what happens is a week or two after I do this, the song gets a video anyway which means I totally did the group a massive disservice by already highlighting a live-stage version with inferior audio instead of the polished final product that puts them in the best possible light (at least in theory). Still, sometimes the agency management have rocks in their head and with Kep-one-er we all know that’s fairly likely, so it’s time I alerted you to the fact that this song is actually great and doesn’t suck.

Dreamnote – Lemonade

I’m not sure what happened here with the topline writing but there’s something just wrong about it. It’s that usual combination of major scale and blues scale mashed together in odd, ill-fitting ways and it just fucks over the entire song basically. A shame because there’s definitely a good tune in here trying to get out.

X:IN – Keeping The Fire

Oh it’s a new group “in our area”, yawn. Apparently the identity politics of this group is a big deal or something, but that doesn’t mean much when the music is as risky as screaming “I love guns” at a Trump rally.

TEMPEST – Dangerous

Okay that microphone is facing directly away from the performers. Which is probably the right idea in this case, pity it wasn’t also that way in the studio.

Yeeun – Cherry Coke

Nothing to report. Next.

Dawn – Dear My Light

It’s well known that musicians tend to perform their best work when they’re emotionally not particularly fulfilled, because it’s that lack of satisfaction in life that actually creates the songs. Seeing as how Dawn’s pretty domestically sorted these days I guess it makes sense that his music sucks.

David Yong feat. Moonbyul – Maybe Love

They didn’t bother having these two in the drama romance video because while Autotuning people is one thing, having Moonbyul in a heterosexual relationship is just breaking the bounds of credibility far too much.

BOL4 – Friend The End

Oh my god BOL4 actually have (has?) a song that’s reasonably perky and doesn’t make me instantly fall asleep, it’s only been about half a decade since that last happened.

DXTEEN – Come Over

Come over, to the Paradise Diner? Sorry I think I’ve been there enough already, can we get something else to eat, cheers.

JUST B – Camelia

Okay I’ve got nothing to say about this boring ballad so here’s your weekly lesson in black music. Another group that really should have gotten more recognition, I was always sad that I never got to see Fishbone live because they just seemed like they would be the type of group to absolutely go off on a stage. In this music video from around their late 80s mainstream debut (and you wouldn’t know it was that early given how ahead of its time this sounds) they’re all in cages and it’s barely enough to contain their energy, despite the glum visual direction they still manage to sound and look like one giant party. Musically they were plumbing similar territory to Living Colour at the time but with a little bit more in the way of musical variety just due to their expanded lineup of instruments, and that’s saying a lot because Living Colour were also pretty varied. Even now all these years later Fishbone are still around and just as nuts as ever, so maybe it’s not too late for me to see them one day, but the biggest shame about Fishbone by far was that they’ve actually been around since the 1970s and took a full decade to get any acknowledgement at all, a pattern sadly repeated with a lot of similarly talented black artists.

MustB – Royalty

They’re passing around a sportball of some type, therefore this song must be opposed.

Park Jihoon – Blank Effect

Lots of looking glum and hanging around in very unclean toilets for no reason while a boring song plays. Yoochun executive producer or what.

Lee Gikwang – Predator

Actually not bad although they could have made him sing it a bit lower, why does every guy always have to have breathy notes right at the extent of their vocal range. Actually I already know why, but it gets old.

UO – Again

For lighter-waving millennial-whooping bullshit music it’s okay I guess.

FISTBUMP feat. DJ Sema – Got Me

People might be expecting me to like this but I really don’t.

So!YoON! feat. Jang Yoonju – Exit

Well it’s nice that someone’s having a good time.

Kanni – Good Afternoon

Apparently from Girlkind, I wouldn’t have known that if I wasn’t tipped off. Good work forming that Am chord, don’t worry practice makes perfect.

Choi HEART – 5min to heartbreak

It was only about five seconds to heartbreak for me when I heard this song and I felt bad for all the much better music I could be listening to instead.

Luci Gang – Catch The Trail

Really not much of a beat at all but I enjoy the presentation of it and the fact that there’s no guys rapping, always a plus.

Coogie – Buck

I mean, really. Guys, we don’t want to hear from you. Generally speaking I’m fine with “music is for everyone” but when it comes to rap, I’m right up there with Hana in terms of telling men to get fucked.

Balming Tiger – SOS

It’s weird to hear Balming Tiger do an actual piece of music instead of a bunch of chanting while hitting a tin can. I support this new musical direction.

Chang Kiha – Hae

Really cool progressive rock sound with great riffs. It’ll wear out your patience given the running length maybe, but then again maybe not.

Uju – Wake Up!

One of those video you can just watch for the dancing.

Toru, Hiro feat. New Champ, Hamo, DOMMIU, Bruno Champman, Kebee, STEEPY, TAKUWA, Skyminhyuk, Taeb2, Sikboy, Jhunnit) – Cesco Remix

How can these people have so much to say? Do we really need to hear from each and every one of you? Rap collabs will be the death of society.

POY – BB KING

Does this kid even know who BB King is? Does he think it stands for “B-boy king” or something? Fuck it let’s just put a BB King video here instead. I guess that makes it two black music videos this week, but then BB King does happen to be performing here with Eric “England is for white people” Clapton, so that kind of cancels it out, I guess.

Yeahshine – Spring propose

Oh that’s right thanks for the reminder that it’s springtime for those with Northern Hemispherian privilege. I suppose rapist anthem Cherry Blossom Ending is charting in Korea again. That song is so shit that the last time someone dragged that piece of shit on Twitter with one of my quoted articles, one of the members of the group actually liked the post. Yeahshine’s song is better than that garbage, at least.

Rockit Girl – Spring Is Coming

Rockit Girl definitely aren’t at their strongest when doing stuff like this, but I’ll take it over you-know-what.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

Sorn reads mean tweets

Hey fans, idols don’t need your “protection”. They can actually stand on their own two feet and tell people to fuck off just as easily as you or I can. When you “clear the searches” you think you’re helping but you’re just being a patronising piece of shit who should be murdere… wait, what? Someone’s hating me on social networking? Guys can you copy and paste this everywhere it means so much to me ty uwu KPOPALYPSE KIND KPOPALYPSE NICE KPOPALYPSE TALENTED KPOPALYPSE HANDSOME KPOPALYPSE VERY GOOD AUTHOR I WILL DEFINITELY BUY HIS BOOK I LOVE WEIRD MISANDRIST TRASH KPOPALYPSE DOESN’T TAKE DRUGS THAT MUCH THESE DAYS KPOPALYPSE PLAYS BASS BETTER THAN YOUR FAVES KPOPALYPSE DIDN’T REALLY MEAN THAT NASTY THING HE WROTE ABOUT MY BIASES CRAP MUSIC I’M PRETTY SURE

Here’s an Ailee concert from a few years back

Just thought you might be interested. You could watch it if you wanted. What’s wrong with k-pop concerts and how they’re 50% talking though, that pisses me off. I’m not standing out there in the crowd to hear you talk between songs. Gotta give credit to Blackpink where it’s due, their shows are at least 70% actual music which is actually on the high side for a Korean pop concert.

Beast – Fiction

Actually not a bad song and it’s aged well, but like a lot of k-pop songs it actually sounds best in the few fleeting moments where nobody is doing any singing. Worth watching regardless for the great visual design, this was an era where people were really pushing the ‘box video’ idea to its creative limits. Nowadays they just shove the poor kids into the school gym or a basement car park, throw a few broken chairs around and say “we’re done, do your dance now”.

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That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!