POSITIVE post – Chaeyoung (Twice)

It’s Kpopalypse back yet again with another POSITIVE post! Let’s look at all the POSITIVE things about Twice’s Chaeyoung!

Approximately 23587621349432+E69 readers asked me if I would do a post supporting our wonderful, can-do-no-wrong angel Twice’s Chaeyoung so I’d better stop getting my ADD brain distracted every two seconds by things that I give a fuck about way more than this post, like:

• how do I watch the King Nasir vs Sugatiti match (my money’s on her, not him)
• playing idle Wonho games
• making secret content
• writing new book chapters for “Love Light” (about 25% done so far, it’s looking good folks)
• my new neighbours just moved in and my gf says their music taste sucks but I haven’t heard them yet, would you believe the front door of the house has been gift-wrapped by someone holy shit how cheesy, we haven’t met them yet but we fear they will be a bunch of cunts
• Macron lol hey French readers
• The new Asian Junkie writer is actually rather good so why not do yourself a favour and follow him so he can keep you in the loop on all the ‘live idol’ groups that you should be caring about instead of corporate bullshit, if you want music recs you could start with the #1 on this list if they hadn’t disbanded already
• Did anyone ever get that Girls2000 final concert footage for me by the way
• Every other member in Twice apart from Chaeyoung

So let’s get down to it, finally.

REASON WHY I FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT TWICE’S CHAEYOUNG AND YOU SHOULD TOO #1

I CAN SPELL HER NAME CORRECTLY NOW, MOST OF THE TIME

I know what you all thought was going to be reason #1, but to be honest I’ve actually never had any problem identifying Chaeyoung in Twice, once I worked out that she’s the one who looks like Lil Debbie.

So that’s easy. What was always less easy is spelling her fucking name right. Pretty sure half the time I’ve spelled it as “Chaewon” or “Chaejung” or “Chaeyeon” or whatever, it’s really hard to write the names of people you don’t give a fuck about correctly. (That’s why I spell my own name wrong half the time too, I’m in a bad typing habit where I swap the ‘p’ and ‘s’ around, and you’ll see that fuck-up on a ton of my posts.) Anyway she’s been in the media a lot lately so I’ve been getting lots of practice and I reckon I can probably spell it right now too, most of the time.

REASON WHY I FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT TWICE’S CHAEYONG AND YOU SHOULD TOO #2

SHE’S NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR LOTS OF GREAT CONTENT

Apparently Chaeyoung wore not one but two different shirts recently that people didn’t happen to like very much. This resulted in a lot of people making videos about it telling you all about what happened which is great because it saves me the bother of filling you in with all that boring background stuff. Let’s check out some of these videos now, by just seeing what comes up in a random search for “chaeyoung” on YouTube.

Here’s the first one. This person actually pronounces “QAnon” as “cannon”, which is hilarious. Sorry, what was that about wanting people to “do their research”? Harder than it seems, isn’t it?

This video didn’t start too badly, but what’s that, The Sex Pistols were “terrible human beings”?

Actually they were probably some of the most unterrible human beings in the entire history of popular music, and if people actually took their words seriously at the time instead of writing them off as a bunch of brats, we’d quite possibly be living in a much better world today. Once again, “do your research“. Not that hard, is it? Or is it? Let’s move on.

Actually this video’s a bit better and the observation that “no apology is ever good enough for k-pop fans” is true as we all know. Never apologise to a k-pop fan for anything, it’s a total waste of time, trust me. It’s good that she pointed that out because it saves me the trouble.

This guy sounds very earnest. I like how the video title is “Dear Chaeyoung” like she’s listening, that’s cute. I hope she does take special time out of her day to be educated by this man.

So there’s some entertaining videos that will helpfully discuss for you every aspect of Shirtgate so I don’t have to spend too long typing here. Read on when you’re done with those videos, I guess, although if you’re pushed for time and don’t have ten minutes to listen to someone crap on you could just do what I do and read this Asian Junkie article which ticks all the boxes for scandal outrage but is compressed into about thirty seconds of reading time which fits a bit better into my busy lifestyle.

REASON WHY I FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT TWICE’S CHAYOUNG AND YOU SHOULD TOO #3

CHAEYOUNG HAS GIVEN US OUR FIRST K-POP SHIRTCEPTION EVENT

K-pop wardrobe oopsies are definitely nothing new. It’s happened before many times with k-pop idols wearing shirts with naughty slogans on them and so forth, and it will definitely always continue to happen.

However Chaeyoung’s situation is actually different, because it’s not the shirt that she’s wearing that’s the problem, but the shirt that the person in the picture on her shirt is wearing that’s the problem. This marks k-pop’s first true “shirtception” event. Clearly, Twice are a group that is paving the way.

REASON WHY I FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT TWICE’S CHAEYEON AND YOU SHOULD TOO #4

NOW I CAN APPEAR POLITICALLY CORRECT AND SAVE MONEY

I really wanted to go and see the Twice tour that’s happening in my country but I’m totally not going now because I can’t afford it because Australian interest rates are going through the roof right now holy fucking shit am I going to be homeless in a box soon I’d better become a best selling author fucking quickly Jeff Bezos if you want a blowjob my lips are ready if you can pay my mortgage and besides I can’t get tickets anyway because the sales are always happening when I’m working and I have fucking shit to do because I need coin I don’t have time to compete with a bunch of jobless assholes still living with their parents for a ticket sale

sorry I mean because I’m terribly offended by Chaeyoung wearing a shirt with a picture on it of another person wearing a shirt with a swastika on it, so therefore I am TAKING A STAND and not buying Twice tickets. That’ll show her, or maybe it won’t, but at least when people say “eww Kpopalypse he’s so problematic with his sexualising sexualisations” other people can respond with “but he boycotted the Twice concert because he is such a good human being meanwhile you still blow all your money on box sets made by corporations destroying the earth you disgusting Nazi pedophile rapist, you”.

(Tickets sold out at the time of writing.)

REASON WHY I FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT TWICE’S CHAEYEONG AND YOU SHOULD TOO #5

SID VICIOUS IS A PERFECT SHIRT FOR CHAEYOUNG TO WEAR, WHEN YOU ACTUALLY STOP WHINING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH AND THINK ABOUT IT FOR MORE THAN TWO FUCKING SECONDS

Sid Vicious (the man wearing the swastika shirt depicted in the Sex Pistols shirt Chaeyoung is wearing) was recruited into the group to replace previous bass player Glen Matlock. Sid was pretty smacked out most of the time and couldn’t actually play the bass that well, and it’s actually the Sex Pistols’ guitar player Steve Jones who is playing the bass on all the studio recordings from the group’s one and only studio album “Never Mind The Bollocks“. Here’s the singer John Lydon/Johnny Rotten talking a bit about Sid which should help put a lot of his behaviour in content.

And here’s some words from the man himself:

So in summary Sid:

• wasn’t that musically talented
• wasn’t that educated (neither Sid nor Chaeyoung completed high school)
• didn’t really know what the fuck was going on most of the time
• didn’t really have a lot of say in any of it
• certainly was ripped off in terms of part distribution on recordings
• wore shirts he didn’t understand the meaning of
• actually was involved in some pretty good music, for the most part

Doesn’t sound familiar at all, does it. Perhaps Chaeyoung was trying to tell us something. Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?

REASON WHY I FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT TWICE’S CHAEWON AND YOU SHOULD TOO #6

SHE PROVED THAT NOBODY GIVES A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT QANON

You’ve probably forgotten about this by now given how fast the news cycle in k-pop goes, but Chaeyoung was actually caught wearing not one but two “inappropriate” shirts this week, and the first was was a QAnon shirt. For those who don’t know (which is probably all of you, because nobody cares about QAnon), QAnon were the brainwashed people who stormed the Capitol building in the US and then once they got in, didn’t really have any plan for what to do next because they didn’t realise that running a country is actually a little more complicated than being a dirty hippie, walking into a building and yelling a lot trying to create a 432Hz perfect vibration or whatever. Of course everyone immediately stopped giving a singe fuck about that as soon as Chaeyoung was busted in the other shirt, because QAnon (just like “The Tea Party” before them, who remembers those astroturfing boomers?) are irrelevant. Maybe QAnon need to change their logo to make more of an impact. Here’s some suggestions that I got from Hindu and Buddhist temples.

These all seem fitting as good QAnon logos, but I guess if QAnon don’t like the style of that, they could try something else. Just don’t pick the letter Z, that’s already taken (by Amber).

REASON WHY I FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT TWICE’S CHAEWAN AND YOU SHOULD TOO #7

NOW CHAEYOUNG WILL BE ENCOURAGED TO MAKE BETTER FASHION CHOICES

Lots of people were so busy paying attention to the Buddhist hate symbol on Chaeyoung’s shirt the picture of Sid Vicious’s shirt that is on Chaeyoung’s shirt, that they forgot to notice the most important detail about the picture.

You can see it, I can see it… it’s obvious. Chaeyoung is wearing a cute polka-dotted dress shirt which is completely covered up by that ugly Sex Pistols shirt. Why even wear the T-shirt on the outside? If she’d only worn the polka dots on the outside instead like a normal person, not only would she have found her way into the Kpopalypse Fashion Class good books, but she could have also avoided this entire controversy. Oh well, she’ll know better next time perhaps. But then, polka dots were taboo once, as they used to be associated with leprosy and smallpox in some cultures. And who says they’re not taboo now, I mean sure leprosy and smallpox were more active last century than now, but then so were the Nazis. What, you didn’t know about the problematic history of polka dots? Polka dots were a thing all around the world you know, not just in western countries. Don’t you look up everything online before you wear it? What’s wrong with you? Forget it, Chaeyeong I guess you’re fucking cancelled after all. Hey, I tried, but if you’re going to throw yourself under the bus like that there’s not much I can do…

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That’s all for this post – Kpopalypse shall return!