Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 18/3/2024
It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
V – FRI(END)S
Oh for fuck’s sake, Taehyung. Jennie doesn’t want to go out with you any more, just get over it and face reality and stop moping and mumbling around. I know breakups are tough, when Jennie broke up with me it wasn’t pleasant either, so I get the feels, but sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and carry on with life. If you’re still struggling, just stare at your petro-state money for a while, you’ll learn to carry on.
Wendy – Wish You Hell
Not much of a song really, but Wendy rocks “designer French punk” better than anyone else I’ve seen in k-pop so far, so I feel like that counts for something (not that I know anyone else who has even tried but hey whatever). I know some people don’t like it when I comment on appearances, too bad for them that Wendy looks so good here, hey.
Yooa – Rooftop
Oh and Yooa looks great too, and she has a mid-ass song as well. Some people are saying it sounds like a mid-2000s era k-pop song and it does, which is of course exactly the problem. Mid-200s era k-pop was really just mid-era k-pop, that’s why the Hallyu wave didn’t even start happening until a few years later. Oh well, at least the video mrcs
(G)I-DLE – Fate
Just some throwaway track, nothing to get concerned about, but they definitely win Kpopalypse Fashion Class this week for outstanding dress sense across the board. Anyway why not do the latest Kpopalypse Survey which is out now and that you can do by CLICKING HERE? Do it, and have your say on important issues in the world today! (Disclaimer: importance of issues not guaranteed)
DAY6 – Welcome to the Show
Millennial whoops, glamorising marriage, boring rock music, three strikes you’re out!
MAX feat. Huh Yunjin of LE SSERAFIM – Stupid In Love
I thought this might be Max Changmin of TVXQ because that would be the logical thing to expect from SM when you see Max in a video title on their channel but no it’s just some other Max we don’t care about. Yunjin on the other hand just sort of sways around awkwardly adding nothing much really (because Max obviously wrote this crap so he gave her basically nothing worthwhile to do) and looks like she’d rather be at Starbucks.
NiziU – Sweet Nonfiction
The usual messy Niziu nonsense, featuring boring yelping and tons of piano overdubs cluttering up the mix for no reason.
NiziU – Memories
Their other song’s actually alright though? I was dreading a lighter-waving ballad montage retrospective with a song title like “Memories” but the result is actually quite perky and catchy, way better than I expected.
VCHA – Only One
Actually not terrible. There’s a lot of nonsense in this song but it at least gets the chorus right, and a good chorus goes a long way.
STAYC – Fancy
Twice’s “Fancy” is five years old, do you feel old yet? Another thing that Twice’s “Fancy” is, is a fucking hell of a lot better than this bland remake which ruins the harmony plus strips all the rhythmic punch out of the original. The song was great in its original form and didn’t need this pointless shitfuckery.
TAEYEON – To. X (IMLAY Remix)
Also in bland remakes, someone found a way to make this fairly unexciting Taeyeon song even more unexciting by giving it the final push off the cliff into coffee shop land.
Kim Namjoo – Bad
Accurate song title of the week.
VVUP – Doo Doom Chit
This song’s probably not a remake of the Crayon Pop song, but perhaps it should have been.
THE BOYZ – Nectar
Whenever I hear that particular alarm at the start of any k-pop music video, I always think about Sandy’s “Teen Swag” and I go and listen to that instead. I recommend that you do the same, you’ll save yourself a lot of trauma from average boy bands.
TEMPEST – Lighthouse
This song’s mainly notable for the set, which looks like Kim Lip’s Missile Silo after Putin bombed it because he heard there was a hospital there. (Just inserting this observation here for the one reader who did my survey and complained about how dare I notice that Putin maybe isn’t the nicest guy ever in the world, I hope you enjoy this review you’re welcome.)
TEMPEST – There
Of course they can’t use a fucking microphone because other than Rockit Girl nobody in k-pop can, but at least they help those vintage phones around the right way. The bar really is that low for realism in k-pop videos.
BAE173 – Fifty-Fifty
PocketDol’s knockoff NCT group is like the cheap $10 Temu version of those wireless sleep headphones you wanted that look the same as the $150 pair but when you finally get them after the delivery driver messed up the order you find out they only hold an hour of charge and the instructions are all in Cyrillic.
LUN8 – Super Power
The song here isn’t too bad, but I’m not sure what the super power they’re referring to is. Maybe it’s being signed to Fantagio yet still being able to smile.
XODIAC – Heyday
Not bad but just too much Christian TV vibes for my liking.
SEVENUS – Want you back
We can’t figure out how microphones work so we’re just pretending that our guitar is one, fuck it. Lucky for them the song is okay or I’d be giving them their own re-education article.
NOMAD – California Love
This song sucks so instead let’s have our Asian non-pop non-world music non-Korean feature. Did you know that Japan had a ten-piece all-female ska group with a full brass section and a turntablist called Pistol Valve? Because of course they did. Those who saw my cover of this song on my bass video channel will probably remember this group, for the rest enjoy this video and sorry there isn’t a better quality version out there but hey it’s Japan, you know how it is, all k-pop fans know how they are about music videos I’m sure.
TMC – PEW PEW PEW
I challenge all those people who complain like little babies about “Kpopalypse always writes about appearances” to sit through this and not make a comment about what you see here, good luck.
Laysha – Chocolate Cream II
Not significantly different enough from the original to really even matter, but I’m just putting this here as a FYI and also because if I don’t people will complain that I missed it, you’re welcome.
B.I – Wish You Were Here
Another fail from a member from the YG group iKon who are definitely on YG and not not on YG. This is definitely true, unless it isn’t and has just been inserted here to annoy all the people who got butthurt about me saying iKon were on YG last week. Those YG stans tsk tsk.
Kihyun – Stardust
Oh look a video that takes up 30% of the screen so here’s my 30% of a review. “Isn’t this joke getting old” who said I was joking, cu
Hwang Min Hyun – Lullaby
The problem with second generation groups vanishing is that for every group of X members that either disbands or just doesn’t do that much anymore, we get X times that amount of boring solo projects capable of putting someone into a coma. I deleted a ton of ex-group members from roundup this week because it all sucked.
Rothy – Really
Why does the girl look like she has more CGI on her than the robot.
Fishingirls – Tutorial
Fishingirls are one of those groups like Rainbow Note, where I really really want to like them a whole lot, but they just never have the songs that make the stanning worthwhile.
SHAUN – Easy
Shaun the chart-fixing king is back and he’s always worth putting in roundup because his songs are generally slightly above average and he annoys people a whole lot just by breathing, a quality that I aspire to.
Jay Glock feat. DAM1NOISE – +82 Club
People from countries that don’t have guns naming themselves after guns and rapping about having guns while posing like they have guns while not actually holding guns is a thing that exists in our world and we should all be ashamed. Let’s stop roundup here or they won’t learn.
Rockit Girl – Madness
Oh but here’s your weekly Rockit Girl update you’re welcome. Have you noticed how their guitarist has either changed or gone really emo-looking lately? You haven’t? Actually neither have I.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
We Sent Our Friend To A K-pop Audition As A Joke And She Really Got In…
…to the audition. LOL what a clickbait title, YouTubers have no shame. However this is still an interesting look at parts of a k-pop audition process so you could watch it if you wanted.
IVE in Bangkok FULL CONCERT – SHOW WHAT i HAVE: IVE THE 1ST WORLD TOUR (2024/01/27) [4K]
On the other hand this is not clickbait but an actual real IVE concert in its entirety in 4K from a VIP vantage point. If you’re one of the poor plebs like me who can’t afford to go and see your favourite k-pop groups because you’re too busy being fucked in the ass by the shitty economy where you live, at least you can appreciate this video with me.
Blue Fox – Wake Me Up
I’m amazed that this terrible D-list k-pop track never got coverage here before but with the sheer volume of releases each week it’s inevitable that sometimes things slip through the net. “Wake Me Up” is a very, very obvious soundalike of Nine Muses’ “Wild“, and anyone who denies it just can’t hear music. They pretty much straight copied everything about “Wild” and altered it the minimum legally required amount for this song to be considered an original song in its own right rather than a cover. Pity it sucks mostly due to the dogshit melody writing and limp production, a shame as “Wild” was actually a great song and I could handle some more quality clones of it kicking around, oh well.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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