Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 4/3/2024
It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
NCT WISH – Wish
I know SM Entertainment are kind of attached to the whole “NCT” moniker like Linus to his security blanket in Peanuts comics, but naming each new group random variations like “NCT PMD2251” is just giving stale-ass vibes now. Maybe that’s what they’re arguing about in the car. Anyway this song is kind of weird and grating with its chorus that chops and changes between a swing feel and a squared-off feel every single bar for seemingly no reason, if I’ve got a “wish” this year, this song isn’t it.
Le Sserafim – Smart
Damn, and I thought “Easy” was underwhelming.
Hong Jinyoung – Spring
Hong Jin Young’s ballads are generally better than most people’s ballads, because they have better melody writing. They kind of all follow the same path but it’s only the same path of HJY’s other ballads, rather than the same path of every ballad ever for all time like 99% of the rest of Korea’s ballads.
H1-KEY – Deeper
Deeper in what, is the question.
Adora feat. Natty – Dusk Twilight
The original song by Punch didn’t have much punch and neither does this.
from20 – Demon
The devil always has the best tunes.
ATEEZ – Not Okay
I’m pretty sure Ateez have never made it to either a best list or a worst list. However they might have a chance of one of the two with this song, I’m just not sure which one yet as there’s a lot I like about and also a lot I don’t like. The chorus is cool but because k-pop can never stay with any one thing longer than ten seconds you don’t get to hear it much.
Fantastics x EPEX – Peppermint Yum
Oh god. Even the avex trax releases are doing the switch ups now.
The Wind – Happy B Day
It’s debut era Gfriend but boys back again and gosh they’ve been prolific lately. People always go all weird when I make the Gfriend comparison but that’s only because k-pop fans listen with their eyes, and The Wind don’t look anything like Gfriend. Music doesn’t matter to k-pop fans and never has, not really, not as anything more than showing off, which is why fans care so much about “vocal talent” instead of “vocal writing talent”. That guy on TikTok saying vocals don’t matter in k-pop and never have is actually right, and the only reason why you think your bias can sing is because you’ve swallowed the marketing like the little bitch you are. Unless your biases line up with mine of course, and then we’re good, because that’s how it works when you’re dumb, isn’t it.
M.O.N.T – IDGAF
I notice that M.O.N.T are playing Fender and Ibanez instruments here for their “rock” concept. Both of those companies have Japanese manufacturing facilities, but no factories in Korea. Fender used to make the Squier brand there, but not anymore. Ibanez also made some of their guitars at the Korean Samick factory, but no longer. What’s wrong M.O.N.T, lacking a bit of patriotism, are we? I guess they really don’t gaf about their country anymore, gee what a shame.
NOMAD – No Pressure
He certainly felt no pressure to come up with anything resembling decent music. It’s a tough industry, let’s not stress the poor boy out.
Bang Chan – Eternity
Upbeat songs in k-pop are always some weird crap built from noises that have never been in any other song in the entire history of music, while anything that’s a ballad is as generic as they come, taking no chances whatsoever. It should be the other way around. It’s the fast-paced numbers that should just stick to the fucking basics of rocking out, and the slow boring shit like this that needs the air raid sirens and looped samples of a cat choking on hairballs while stuck in a ventilator shaft to spice things up a little.
Sandeul, Hyojung, Hyojin – 366 Days
See what I mean? Just one cat choking on hairballs while stuck in a ventilator shaft would have been enough to make this interesting.
ONF – Goosebumps
See what I mean part 2, what are those strange-ass noises. It’s okay I guess but I just kind of feel like the ballads could have used those sweeping synths instead.
LOVE X STEREO – Future Unknown
At least we have Love x Stereo to make things better. This song being good is why so many other songs that I can’t be bothered covering just got deleted this week. Why should I waste my time listening to your fave’s crap when I could just play this again, this I ask you.
BOBBY feat. Chanmina – Harmless
I’ve been deliberately ignoring Chanmina in these roundups basically just because I feel like it, but since she’s partnered up with Mr Unwashed I figured that I should give her a chance to impress given how many chances Bobby has already had. Anyway she blew it so I guess I’ll go back to ignoring her now.
Bang Yedam – Come To Me
Boring song but mrcs
Cha Eunwoo – U&I
Wow this is so boring, in fact it’s so boring that let’s not even have it in roundup and instead we’ll put the Asia non-pop non-“world music” non-Korean pick here instead…. and well, fuck it, this one’s Korean but they’ll never qualify for roundup because they couldn’t be assed making music videos so let’s just put them here. Slant are a punk band and they’re fucking great and that’s all you really need to know about them. I thought this footage here in particular was really good to share because if any of you had a bit of trouble imagining the “Kimchi Slappers” chapter in my new book and want to know what a show like that would actually look like in real life, this video is a pretty good example. Anyway if you like this group you could listen to this entire live set.
Lil Cherry & GOLDBUUDA – Jiltugana/Pali Pali
Jilttugana is basically just a long-ass mellow intro where not much happens, Pali Pali is the second song and that’s what you came for. Of course it sounds better whenever Lil Cherry is on the mic instead of Goldbuuda because men basically shouldn’t rap.
Swings feat. Raf Sandou – The Future
Speaking of men who shouldn’t rap, Swings has a new song out and he just sounds like he always does so if you like that go knock yourself out I guess. At least he’s not trying to be R&B so we’ll give him credit for that.
Giriboy – Drive Me Crazy
Nothing crazy here, in a good or a bad way.
Men’s Tear – AK47
The second guy who has his voice Autotuned to shit kind of sucks to listen to (rappers please stop it), but apart from that I enjoyed this.
Merry Hey Day – Even If I Wait
Someone asked for this song and yeah it reminds me of a specific song from the UK and I can’t remember which one but I didn’t like that song much so I don’t like either.
Cyber Park Gameland – Resolution
And here’s another just sort of average rock thing. Sadly most rock music in Korea is a lot less like Slant and a lot more like this.
Rockit Girl – Love Is
I guess it’s up to Rockit Girl to save the day. Listen to that gnarly distorted bass sound at 0:15 before they turn it down a bit, damn I wish they kept that in for more of it. Still, Rockit Girl knows how to write songs and that’s what keeps getting them over the line in these roundups. And not anything else. Probably.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
K-pop songs made by Shinsadong Tiger 2008-2023
Listen to all these fantastic songs goddamn, and okay there’s a few duds in there too but he still had a very good average for songwriters in Korea. For those of you asking for a proper retrospective, I’m not going to do one because you’ve got this video instead.
F-ve Dolls – LOV
…but here’s the best song he wrote that the video missed. It has a nice tempo, cool Ennio Morricone style electronic whistling vibes and it’s always great to hear knife-weilding Hyoyoung drop a rap because rap music needs less fakes and more snakes. Seriously who remembers that time the chief snakeroo dropped a 50 second rap and everyone drunk on “T-ara were bullies it must be true because netizens said so and they are never wrong, my favourite website told me so” lies thought she was a rap genius and was going to start her own rap career. Like, that rap actually didn’t seem terrible, I wonder who wrote it for her.
Orange Caramel – Aing♡
Here’s a song I’ve never written about. It’s decent although I always felt that the thudding constant bass drum was a real weakness and didn’t really suit it. I guess it is unique for that, it certainly would be a good song for a k-pop drum cover just for the comical aspect, but if there was a k-pop song that needed Lars Ulrich on drums it isn’t this. (It’s Le Sserafim’s “Easy”, by the way.)
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
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