Kpopalypse roundup – new k-pop releases 11/9/2023

It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

You know you’re relevant when you touch your vag for 0.25 seconds during a live show and the cops get called. My old punk bands would be genuinely envious.

V – Slow Dancing

It’s fucking slow alright. If you’re also a little slow you might like it too, but for those of us who’ve rubbed the sleep out of our eyes and had our “cup of milk lets rock n roll” we might want something a bit more interesting thanks.

Hwasa – I Love My Body

Good old Hwasa, who’s going to get in the way of her loving her body, well everyone except me it seems. That’s a shame because I think she has the right attitude to life. If only she also had the right songwriters, because this blues-meets-Hyuna-reject just doesn’t cut it.

PURPLE KISS – 7HEAVEN

And then there’s Purple Kiss whose agency are right on the other side of the spectrum, aren’t they. If Swan sends me the bills I will pay for all her psychotherapy sessions for having to put up with this shit.

Key – Good & Great

It’s so sad that k-poppers aren’t allowed to age. This guy’s face has been smoothed into oblivion and it makes me really sad, it kind of takes away from the vibe the song is going for. Aging naturally, let’s have some. Kpopalypse’s old crusty ass paved the way.

Rocket Punch – Boom

Basically just Weeekly’s “After School” with a slight change in the backings and since we don’t really have a functioning Weeekly anymore (sorry I’m OT7, justice for Jiyoon), I’ll take it.

Lee Chaeyeon – Let’s Dance

I didn’t mind this, it’s just simple and brainless and stupid music for idiots and it kind of works better than most of this stuff because they actually remembered to write a melody.

Bibi – Hongdae R&B

It’s got “R&B” in the title so let’s just skip it. Unlike TikTok, Kpopalypse doesn’t do racism.

BLACKSWAN – Cat & Mouse

Speaking of which (because we all love tokenistic racial marketing don’t we, just ask Melanie Lee), Blackswan have by far their best song yet. Nice melody and harmony, different rhythms that move at a decent pace, a song that sticks to one thing, it’s just good. It’s about time Dr Music lifted their game again, songs used to be the only thing they consistently got right.

STAYC – Not Like You

Definitely not up the standard of recent Stay-C songs, but then it is just a waste-of-everyone’s-time “performance video” which really shouldn’t qualify for roundup at all so I’ll give them a pass by pretending this doesn’t exist the next time I talk about their track record of generally good songs.

NCT U – N.Y.C.T

You know how NCT U had a song I liked the other week? Well this isn’t it.

Taeyong feat. Wendy – Move Mood Mode

I guess Wendy didn’t want to appear in Taeyong’s video because he probably still owes her money on Ebay.

Joy – Day By Day

Do you think the video director has seen David Lynch’s “Rabbits“? I get that feeling for some reason.

D.O. – I do

Check out the photo on the right at 1:05 – so uwu they even put it in the thumbnail!

CRAVITY – Ready or Not

Well I wasn’t ready for the drop but I should have been given that there’s one ruining every second song these days.

PENTAGON – Love is Pain

If love is pain, what does that make shitty k-pop ballads about love?

TRENDZ – My Way

I swear every second boy group video is in this same pastel-coloured art space. Anyway the chorus here absolutely rips, it’s fantastic, imagine how cool this would be if they kept that same pace up all the way through the song.

XODIAC – Lemonade

We’re running at about one obvious sexual-innuendo based song per week from groups lately. I wonder if they enjoy their “lemonade” with some “cookies” and “hot sauce”.

Ailee – I’ll hold you

Ailee still standing strong, certain online publications still being pieces of shit, what else is new. Okay it’s not a very good song but who cares, just the fact that Ailee exists is enough.

Kim Boa – Acid Dream

Kim Boa is that girl from Spica (aka Mamamoo 1.0), and it’s sad that I have to keep reminding people of this, but I do.

Kim Sejeong – Indigo Promise

I would have settled for a promise of a return to Lovelyz Gugudan form. Fuck I can’t even remember. Oh wait Gugudan sucked, never mind then.

Yuna – Ice Flower

Wow this Yuna song is fucking boring, so sad to see one of the ex-AOA greats sink so low into ballad hell, so that means it’s time for our weekly black music feature instead, yay! End It are fucking cool as shit and although they’re hardcore punk or whatever they actually capture quite a bit of what made the 80s thrash metal sound so good, including fast riffs, cracking rhythms, relevant lyrics and tempo changes that actually make sense in context of the song instead of sounding like someone slipped in the recording studio and pressed play on the wrong track (k-pop songwriters take note ahem). Like a lot of the groups I’m featuring in this weekly series they’re even better live so check them out if you get a chance (they’ll probably never come to my town though, sob, sniff).

Jaechan – Hello

Pretty shit gaming skills there, reminds me of when I play FPS games, just sitting there absorbing the bullets for my teammates like a sponge. Except this guy is young and probably still has some reflexes left so he has no excuse.

FTISLAND – Sage

So much effort but it’s just meh.

Eric Nam – Only for a Moment

Hey I really like this. A nice groove that isn’t swallowed up by endless vocal layers, some really nice bass and keys work, and decent understated topline writing. I actually have nothing snarky to say, which is incredible given the shitty day I’ve had. Good show.

U-KNOW – Wannabe

Formed by SM Entertainment in 2003, TVXQ began as a five-member boy band composed of members U-Know Yunho, Max Changmin, Hero Jaejoong, Micky Yoochun, and Xiah Junsu. Just saying.

NTORE – Summer Soda Recipe

Sometimes the “live idol” groups are really great, but when they’re not, they’re really not.

Forestella – Kool

I wonder how many calories have been consumed by Korean idols inside the Paradise Diner, in total. I bet it’s less than 100.

Bluelk – In Your Pain

This song’s a winner before the vocals even start just because they don’t even start until about 40 seconds in. Do you have any idea how refreshing that is in k-pop, to have a bit of a fucking decent length intro? Especially now that Eyedi’s apparently disappeared off the face of the earth?

Granada – Colorful Life

Jambinai if they were shit.

W24 – Voyager

One cursed image after another, it’s the same effect as watching that Shakewell video but it’s crappy K-anime.

ONLEE – Be With You!

I can’t stop crying! I couldn’t even watch the MV properly I had to keep wiping my tears. Seunghwan I am so proud of you and I will always be here supporting you. I never regret becoming you fan! Now as ONLEE I will support you more than ever. Thank you. (Actually that’s really not what I think at all, just thought I’d copy-paste a YouTube comment in here for fun. Jarring as hell, isn’t it?)

Sehyeon – Smitten heart

I didn’t mind this song, it’s more appealing than the usual coffee shop stuff although I’m not sure why. Also I really like the video which I know is meant to be cute or whatever but actually depicts the protagonist gradually going insane when you think about it.

Joosiq – Back In The Day

Back in the day there were better songs than this.

Verbal Jint feat. Minyoung – Waiting For The Food

Remember when Verbal Jint was good? Neither do I. Anyway that’s enough for this week, damn. I’ve got shit to do.

BONUS RANDOM VIDEOS OF THE WEEK

what happened to eyedi? | the disappearance of the retro r&b queen

This is what I’m talking about. Sounds like she just got sick of the bullshit and gave up. Who can blame her I guess, but I’m sad that we’ll probably never get another banger like “& New“, which is a classic case of a k-pop song with an actual intro and understated topline as discussed earlier in this roundup.

Viviz is my life ep.3

Remember when Momoland’s Yeonwoo did some rock climbing and she got stuck or something and then cried a bit and it was the dumbest k-pop controversy this side of Boram’s umbrella? They should have brought in the professionals. Viviz show everyone how failing at rock climbing is done.

Park Ji Yoon – Adult Ceremony

What a shame that Park Ji Yoon’s promising career was put so heavily on the line over this really nothingy song which is barely anything more than a beat, two chords and a grating melody plus some boringly obvious symbolism. I can see why JYP went with the provocative lyrics and concept (even though these days he’d get away with it with a little PR bullshit amirite NewJeans fans), take those away from the song and there’s barely anything left to notice at all.

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That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!