It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!
Imagine having no money because your k-pop agency sucks, and then finally escaping and getting married to a celeb and then having no money because your husband sucks. Someone give Yulhee my books for “inspiration”.
G-DRAGON – Power
That beat is not strong enough to carry an entire song on its own, I don’t care who’s nasally whining over the top.
BABYMONSTER – Drip
BabyMonster really are playing the 2NE3 card here with some parts of this song recalling the better early 2NE1 bangers, but the chorus is so shit that it undoes all of the good work elsewhere.
BABYMONSTER – Clik Clak
Mind you, I’ll take a failed mish-mash like “Drip” over a boring slow rap track that simply sucks on every level.
STAYC – GPT
Apparently the meaning of this song is it’s about a girl who is fed up with her boyfriend’s ChatGPT-like responses whenever she wants to talk about anything. So even though StayC have better songs than this, I now have to like this one anyway because anything that criticises AI for being shit is okay in my book.
TXT – Over The Moon
It’s not too bad but we all know TXT have had better songs than this and I’m bored so let’s just move on.
FIFTY FIFTY – Gravity
Hey everyone it’s our favourite girls Fifty Fifty and gosh darn it don’t they have another somewhat above average song yet again. Actually this one does lower the average just slightly, because I think they overdid the vocal processing in the chorus a bit to the point where it starts to teeter on the brink of Disneyfied shit, but I’d still eat Mickey’s ass if he wore the right dress.
Kep1er – Tipi-Tap
I have nothing to say about this Kep-one-er song which manages to follow the current trending sound in k-pop without sticking out whatsoever, so I’d just like to say thanks to all the people who filled out the latest Kpopalypse survey, you can now read the results at this post!
J.Y. Park – Easy Lover
The bad side of JYP’s retro-fetish is this disturbingly crap “soul” stuff he’s into. He even thinks it’s “sexy” or something, which is just gross because not only do we have to listen to him sing it, we have to watch him making it with the ladies, which is just a nope. I had to grow up back when that trash movie “The Committments” was huge, and this song isn’t even as good as the garbage “soul” songs in that. Mustang Sally, won’t you drive that mustang over JYP and then off a cliff.
Sooyoung – Unstoppable
Sooyoung’s solo effort sounds like a BoA song from 1963, and I mean that in a good way. Not sure what took her so long though, clearly the claim that she’s “unstoppable” is a lie given that something sure stopped her from doing anything at all as a solo artist for the last decade.
Moonbyul feat. ONEWE – Memories
Moonbyul finally realises her goddamn destiny and fronts a rock band, it’s about time. More of this RBW please.
MYTRO – Bomb Bomb Bomb
Apparently a trot group on SM Entertainment, and they just prove that SM should forget about trot and stick to their neo culture AI Kwangya fucking bullshit.
As “2020 k-pop by numbers” as it gets, with the shouty melody-less chorus and the “we’re bad girls as long as our agency says it’s okay” lyrical theme, this is notable only for allowing 1970s muscle cars in the music video which is actually relatively new territory for k-pop.
BEWAVE – Never lose you again
Basically a boring waste of time so let’s have our Asian but not Korean not pop not world music feature here instead! Did you know that one of the defining and most highly-regarded groups of the 1980s thrash metal scene along with Metallica, Slayer etc was San Francisco’s Death Angel? If you did know that, what you might not also know is that the band in their original lineup (shown here) were all Filipino. Now you do.
MADEIN – Dopamine
Same dodgy clothes as last week, different dodgy song.
SAY MY NAME – Be A Star
You know it’s not really about the music when they stop the song halfway through to do parasocial getting-to-know-you bullshit.
Jo Yuri – My Highlight
People have been asking me cover this for a while now so I guess I finally well even though it’s about a month old. So I’d just like to say that this song is written as badly as the video is animated.
Jamie – Bad Luck
Bad luck mainly for us.
UNIVERSE LEAGUE – We Ready
I know the colours are supposed to make things more obvious, but they just confused me. Is this one group? Three groups? One group with three subunits? One subunit made out of three other groups? A lame competition show where people picked straws? A waste of my time? Okay, the last one is likely.
Starlight Boys – Good Luck (Be My Luck)
Here’s what I assume is another hideous TV show thing, and the song’s somewhat better this time but not good enough to take my mind off the OH&S concerns. I don’t want to see boys or girls in groups dancing that close to any ledges, you just know that multiple people had falls while practicing on this video set.
Koyote – Four Seasons
An interesting group at their most boring.
BTOB – Please Stay
Boring ballad bullshit.
TVXQ! – Dearest
I guess there’s someone out there who finds this type of music inspirational or whatever as presumably intended, I hope they’re living their happy lives in their happy place and I never have to be stuck in a room with their music collection.
OMEGA X – Cool My Head
I didn’t completely hate this song, but the appearance of sportballs is a problem. Do you know how much carbon is put into the atmosphere each year due to sport? Well, neither do I, but it’s a non-zero number and that’s a good a reason to abolish it as any other.
NEXTU – R.I.P
Why am I noticing so many music videos lately where the lipsync is completely out of time? Do these video directors not know what SMPTE codes are? Did the Crowdstrike incident interferere with all the clocks on digital video cameras worldwide? Who the fuck knows but until the IT department fixes it, this is what we’re stuck with.
AVION – K*LL ME
The trend of asterisking out a letter in a word is mindnumbingly stupid and the type of thing only idiots come up with. I know it’s supposed to be “less triggering” or whatever but it actually has the opposite effect because it makes you fill in the blank in your own mind, heightening the impact of the word, not dampening it. I guess the word ‘kill’ does need a bit of extra impact here though because the song sure doesn’t have any.
Moon Jong Up – Twist Ya
Hey this is alright, apart from the incorrect Shure Super 55 use of course. Twist ya microphone around a bit, Jong Up!
Eunice – Daydream
This is also good, Eunice was from DIA so it’s good to hear her investigating actual decent music after her k-pop group hellride.
Lee Yejoon, Kassy, HYNN, EB – Love dust
Oh, no – they’re sitting down in fucking chairs AND they’re in long grass! You can be doubly sure that this is a ballad that trots out every ballad cliche in the book, specifically designed to bore actual music lovers to tears.
Balming Tiger – Big Butt
Balming Tiger are very hit and miss, and this one’s a miss, even if the concept is great.
Hanroro – The Compass
It’s just nice. I liked it. That is all.
TOUCHED – Addiction
I wasn’t into this song but this is more of a FYI that this type of thing is out there. I think some of my readers would dig it. Anyway that’ll do for this week I’ve tortured you enough.
RANDOM BONUS VIDEOS OF THE WEEK
JUNGKOOKABURRA
Say hello to Jungkookaburra, a bird who lives in my neighbourhood, and who is the latest addition to Kpopalypse animal lore, plus an absolute mad cunt. This crazy bird isn’t afraid of shit, he doesn’t give a fuck about anything (and yes it is a he), he’s even happy to let some problematic bald Australian k-pop-liking cunt roll right up with the camera phone while blasting Eyedi, as one does. Jungkookaburra also likes to go to the rear of my house and bash in the flyscreens just for fun, I often think it’s someone knocking on my door but it’s just this motherfucking bird. What a caonima.
Yves and Heejin help a lucky gay couple get to the “next level”
Just another one of SHINee’s middling mid-era tracks, if this was by any other group it would have vanished in time. SHINee do have some great songs worth remembering them for, but if I did review this song back in the day I probably would have talked about the room decor or something.
That’s all for this week! Kpopalypse roundup returns next week!
It’s time for QRIMOLE, the series where readers ask Kpopalypse questions! Let’s take a look at the mailbag for the last month!
You’ll probably get 3 billion of these questions, but I’ll try to make mine as specific as possible. I also know jack shit about the music industry, apologies.
1. How on earth have yg/jype/sm (and DSP when they were a bigger) not destroyed each other? Is there some benefit to them maintaining a system of competitors rather than a monopoly?
Especially SM. Why didn’t they try to monopolize and take over a bunch of labels like HYBE has?
(I mean they arguably sabotaged infinite, but that was one group. it seems like they haven’t bothered since.)
2. Plenty of creative people have left sm and yg to form notable groups without much fuss. why does HYBE have such an issue with MHJ? Is HYBE just weird in some way? Like what is happening with their company that they are so large, presumably have money for decent pr, lawyers, etc. and yet can’t maintain their shit?
1. SM did in fact do exactly this, after the merger with Woollim, they also scooped up a bunch of smaller labels a fair few years back, most notably Mystic Story (home of Billlie, Minseo) but also some others. The reason why sometimes a surprisingly ‘off brand’ artist gets an SM video is because of these mergers and deals that SM undertook to expand their catalog.
2. I think AustralianSana got it right in our latest podcast, listen here, I can’t remember where she talks about it but basically I think Bang Si Hyuk’s ego is hurt by the fact that he’s never been able to completely take credit for a group as “his”, with BTS being perceived rightly or wrongly as a group that comes from their own creative minds rather than his, and NewJeans being MHJ’s baby. His two most successful groups are ones he didn’t really have anything to do with. The problem with having ultimate power is that people below you are too scared to tell you when you’re fucking up. It’s the same problem that dictators always have and it’s why they often double-down on really bad decisions – they get rid of all the people who disagree with them until they’re surrounded by yes-men who are too scared to warn them when they’re about to drive off a cliff.
What do you think of artists like Coil, NWW, Death in June, Pyschic TV etc? I remember you saying you liked Current 93 a long time ago, but do you like the rest of the “scene”?
It’s hard to generalise because those artists sound so completely different from one album to the next, to the point where you sometimes question if it’s even the same group. Often it’s only the vocal style which feels like the common thread. So they all have stuff that I like and don’t like. I really like “Soft Black Stars” album from C93, because it’s just voice and piano only, seems to work best for me, for what they do. DIJ I prefer the later acoustic ‘folk music’ to the earlier stuff where they were a band, and I actually really like Douglas’ acoustic rhythm guitar style which is as immediately recognisable as Eddie Van Halen’s finger-tapping. Coil, NWW and Psychic TV I find more hit and miss, but there’s individual songs I like from each. I’ll leave you with this track which I think is amazingly good.
Hi Kpopalypse, hope you’re doing good.
Recently, after Taeil was removed from NCT because of rape, SM terminated his contract. Which is kinda surprising, since I thought SM would just wait until his contract is finished (in the beginning of 2025) and then let him go. My question is, how does contract termination works in the music world when the artist committed a huge crime? I only know that it’ll take some time, as demonstrated by Taeil’s case.
I also have another question about classical piano training. I was trained in classical piano during primary school, and I wanted to start learning classical piano again, just for my personal enjoyment. I was advised by a classical piano teacher that I should start from Pianoforte 3 (Yamaha) book. My question is, at this stage should I go straight to offline private lessons or is online lessons via YouTube is enough?
I remember about your request about needing advice on how to write an antagonistic lead character in a way that it was clear that you, as the author, disagree with the character’s action. I recently started reading Han Kang’s The Vegetarian because she just won Nobel prize and the reviews got me interested. I still on the beginning of the novel, but (spoiler alert) I already hate the narrator, which is one of the lead character. Maybe you can use this novel as research material on that?
And lastly, congratulations on completing your book series! I really enjoyed it!
Contract termination: there is likely a clause in most k-pop contracts that your employment can be terminated if you do things that could endanger the reputation of the agency in a major way. I mean most workplaces in general have something similar in their contracts where if you’ve committed a legal offence you can be fired, it’s not an unusual type of clause for any job that is public-facing or where the company could suffer large reputational loss from your actions. The fact that Taeil was rushed out the door so quickly by SM means that they knew exactly what they were dealing with and wanted no part of it.
Private lessons are almost always better than online, because you can have someone corrrect your mistakes in real time… but private lessons also are not cheap. You just have to weigh it up. However depending on how self-directed you are, you may not even need lessons.
Thanks for the book tip! I’ll add it to my reading list.
Please hide everything in asteriks ! My question: so I recently got my ps( It took me 3 years to get them bc i had a shitty driving instructor who scared me ) . [stuff hidden at reader request] Do u have any tips Oppar? On how I can get more confident driving ? And any anxiety tips. I know mistakes is a normal part of learning but I’m so scared to drive bc I’ll make them.
Took me a while to realise “ps” was “probationary driver’s license” and not “plastic surgery”, I was like “what has your double eyelids got to do with driving, is this a safety issue because now they hang down and you can’t see the road, I don’t get it”. Also not sure why you wanted me to hide the stuff in the asterisks, it wasn’t exactly incriminating. But anyway, best way to get over it is to just do it more. Being a bit anxious about driving is good, because you should be super cautious and super attentive on the roads, anxiety just means you care and you realise the gravity of the sitaution, that you’re piloting a tin can of death. You do also need confidence to be able to drive smoothly. It just comes with time. I’d recommend getting as much practice as possible on side-streets and low-traffic areas, if you can, and also drive with more experienced people and ask them to pull you up if you’re driving badly and give you tips.
Hi Kpopalypse Oppar. Unfortunately, I am still the one sending questions about my CV in the October Qrimole and I still need your help. While I have been asking my friends to proofread and gave feedback on it (and they said it was fine), I am still paranoid so I still sent this to you for further feedback as none of us have our native language being English (maybe what makes sense to us is actually wrong). This time I am slightly more confident with how my CV looks like so I guess I am fine with it being exposed to the upcoming Qrimole episode. Here is the link that leads to my CV (this time I change the doc to allow editing so you can jot down what is wrong, either in typo, grammar errors or word choice)
This is the resume he sent, I screencapped the page rather than share the link as publishing a publicly editable link to thousands of people is probably not wise.
Okay, so this is actually looking reasonably good. You’ve got the general idea, breaking it down into education, skills and achievements is great. I’ll make a few changes:
Edited version, I made these edits on the asker’s editable document so they now have them.
I tidied up your introductory statement a bit. The person reading it is going to be thinking “what can this person do for our company”, so rather than talking about “I want a job because of x” you want to phrase it more in terms of “here’s what I can bring to your company”. My changes are with this in mind. The resume has to be about what YOU can offer to THEM.
Relevant coursework, your gut feeling is right that this isn’t relevant. They only care that you passed. Since your GPA is over 3.5 it makes sense to leave that in, so I’ve left it in. If it was a low GPA I’d remove it.
Dean’s merit list definition, I removed this. It sounds impressive even if you don’t define it. If they care, they’ll ask you about it in the interview, then you can tell them what it means.
Wasn’t wild about the ‘soft skills’ descriptions, you want to avoid negative language like ‘did not’ in a resume, so I just made that less wordy.
Also removed a few redundant words in the achievements section. Mentioning how many people got the scholarship doesn’t mean a lot as they don’t know how big the student body is. 20 people got the scholarship… out of how many eligible? 21? 21,000? Best to leave it out.
Now the next question is – does it look good? A resume has to make a good first impression so it isn’t skipped over. If this resume was your k-pop bias, would you invite it out for tteokbokki or patbingsu? Maybe not. While all the information is there, I think the format is a bit drab. Let’s give you a nice new template and just switch things around slightly.
New template. Click the image to be taken to a Google Drive version that you can then download and play with.
The changes:
Achievements are now listed as a subset of education
Scholarships are impressive so they have their own section
The most recent/relevant educational experience should be listed first in a resume
Ignore the “key responsibilities” bit you can delete that
Have fun playing with this format if you like, then once you’re happy, start sending it out and see how you go!
Some of my other questions:
1) What is your opinion on “the majority of job postings are ghost jobs”? I may have unknowingly submitted to some of them in the past and only learned the concept of “ghost jobs” lately so that may explain why I received no response from the companies despite I was quite sure I met all of the requirements….
2) In the October Qrimole you said that I could refer an essay with high mark to prove I could work in team setting, but to my disappointment my school has already kicked me out from their system (already 6 months graduated) , so I was prohibited from searching for my study record. Furthermore, I could not ask for my teammates (whom I never contact after we were done with the subject) at that time because my Facebook account was hacked and I lost most of my network due to it. The most I know now is the final mark for each subject. What should I do now?
3) My parents suggested me to work for the government as the jobs in there was stable despite the low salary and low chance of promotion. Have you worked for the government before and would you recommend anyone to work there? I know each country differs from each other but maybe I can still learn something from your experience…
4) You said that I could choose to do any volunteer work (also from the October Qrimole), but do even 1-day volunteer still worth it? Like a festival occurred in a specific day in the future and they want some volunteers to help them with the setup on that day?
5) Should I also write a cover letter whenever I contact the HR?
I guess it depends where you apply. They are worth applying for anyway, just because a company doesn’t want staff right this minute doesn’t mean they won’t ever – things can change fast, and that company putting out ‘ghost job ads’ to research the job market one day might be genuinely in need of staff the next.
Nothing you can do about it, hey at least you tried. Your resume as is should suffice though.
Where I live government jobs pay quite well, but are hard to get and there’s all sorts of red tape and regulatory requirements, plus once you get such a job there’s often very little freedom in how you work because of goverment rules covering anything and everything that you do in your role. I worked for the government briefly in my teens, I absolutely hated it. Of course not all governments are equal…
Yes, in fact one-day volunteer work is one of the best kinds. Just one day of your effort in exchange for something cool you can add to your resume, that’s a pretty sweet deal. Do a fantastic enough job and your boss might even agree to be a job reference for you.
Personally I think cover letters are a bit of a wank. Just write HR an email, and effectively that email IS your covering letter. Then just attach your resume to it and send it.
The other point I want to touch on is that while job ads are good to apply for, a lot of people get jobs through people they know. So let everyone know that you’re job hunting. The applies especially to anyone who has a job in or adjacent to the field you want to work in. Good luck!
Hello oppar~
I don’t know why, or how but I ended up sabotaging the company I work at. I work in an office, with 10+ people in the same room, and when I get bored or my responsabilities don’t please me, I cut off electricity for everyone else. Right behind me it’s the control panel and I can reach with my hand very easily.
It just makes me feel like a kid again and the fact that NOBODY even considers me guilty makes me have more fun.
I do it everyday, like 2-3 times, for a brief period of time and then, turn on electricity again. The technician keeps coming and making up weird stories about how the wires are burned or some shit. It’s just so much fun.
On the other hand, being a male 30yo+ I feel like I shouldn’t be doing this. But it is what makes my day interesting. The reaction of my colleagues and having to act like I’m another victim of the company’s bad electric system it’s just so exciting.
Do you have any suggestions? Should I stop doing it?
You should get in touch with the other reader above on the job hunt and see if he wants your position. I feel like he’d do a better job than you. He might not have your expertise or experience but I have a feeling that he’d probably keep the power plugged in.
considering what has been happening recently between newjeans and illit, do you think any member of those groups will commit suicide?
It can be pretty shit being in ANY k-pop group, doesn’t really matter whether you’re in the media over some bullshit or not. I mean, who would have picked Moonbin from Astro? The severity of a situation is not necessarily a reliable way to determine how well someone is coping. Everyone handles things differently.
have you ever fapped to any html fangame
I’m not even sure if I’m played a html fangame. What’s a html fangame, anyway? Do you mean like my interactive fanfictions? Or something else? I’m confused by the non-specificity of this question.
It’s been almost a year since I last entered this page, and you upload and behave the same. Did anything important happen recently that, me, as a kpopalypse enjoyer for so long, missed by any chance?
I released some more books and some more free games (but stopped using itch.io for hosting, all games are hosted locally at oppar.party now)
I fucked Twitter off completely and migrated to Bluesky
Black music features in roundup are now Asian but not-Korean not-pop not-world music features
Other than this, pretty much the same old shit. Thanks for checking in!
How do you feel about Charli XCX? If you haven’t listened, she has some pretty experimental/heavy/abrasive stuff you might like since you like metal music (I’m thinking of the first two tracks of How I’m Feeling Now specifically)
I get asked this a LOT, unsure why. Never been much of a fan. I mean it’s okay I guess but I just feel like the songwriting isn’t quite there?
I’m only an occasional visitor, so apologies if this has been asked before, but who are all these people with writing credits on Kpop songs? I have been wondering for some time about the slew of names, and recently I came across a Rick Beato video where he is surprised by the 15 people mentioned on a Coldplay song. On Cherish by ILLIT, I also count 15 names, outnumbering the members 3 to 1. What is going on?
I’d recommend reading my interview with k-pop songwriter AZODi, reading this will help answer your question, as he goes quite in depth about how the songwriting process happens and the chain of people that a song can pass through.
As I’ve grown older, I find myself drifting away from K-Pop. I’m just so turned off by the sexism in South Korean youth culture, and I see the inherent exploitation in K-Pop more and more. Has it just gotten worse, or have I gotten better at perceiving it? I know my leeriness of the ages of debut idols is almost certainly due to being an adult now. I thought it was okay when I was the same age as them since I could empathize having similar dreams, but now, I feel nothing but disgust seeing kids thrown into the life of a K-Pop idol.
This just means that as you’re getting older you’re getting smarter. I feel like my experience has been similar When I first got into k-pop it took a little while to register just how weird the culture around it was. People often criticise me for writing Captain Obvious stuff, but the fact is that to a newcomer a lot of things actually are not obvious and do need pointing out. I never know when someone reading my takes on k-pop is reading about k-pop for the first time or the 11000th time, so I try to keep that in mind, that’s why I have a lexicon that explains basic things about the site and the k-pop world and so forth.
What’s your opinion on Olivia Rodrigo?
Pretty much this:
i know you complain a lot about vocal fagging / useless vocal showing off, just out of curiosity, do you feel the same about certain classical pieces that do the same technical showing off, but with physical instruments instead?
Yes. Some of that stuff is needlessly hard for no reason.
if u can be bothered to check it out (no hard feelings if not lmao), thoughts on adela’s superscar ??
It’s oaky, I don’t mind it. Sounds like something that would fit aespa.
What do you think about the Mamushi remix with TWICE?
I didn’t really like the original and this is really no different apart from the different voices, so I don’t care about it really.
Hi oppa, I’m the jazzfaggot from last month’s qrimole! I’ll try to keep it short this time: basically absolutely everywhere everyone keeps saying that Newjeans have made a lot of money already, calling them “multimillionaire teens” or similar, and I think it all stemmed from this one article. I mean, it’s a legitimate newspaper/news site and not a rumor mill like allkpop and friends so I don’t have the rights to discredit them (neither I want to do so), it’s just that:
A) their reasoning seems somewhat flawed to be honest. They state that since the company made xyz amount of money and x was spent for this and y was spent for that, then the remaining z went no doubt to the members; but I don’t think it works like that? It all depends on what’s written in their contracts and we don’t know what their conctracts say. But most importantly:
B) this article basically contradicts everything you’ve written on your blog until now. They’re just a 2 year old group and it’s been speculated that they are no less THE most expensive girl group ever created, with a debut that cost nearly 15$ millions. Now we know that debt only keeps increasing and those money were for their debut ONLY so no doubt that it grown larger, so how is it possible that they were able to fully repay it in 2 years only given the pittance that idols get paid? I know that they’ve done a lot of commercial but still 15 plus million is an awful lot of money.
Isn’t all this just a bunch of bullshit oppa? Maybe a narrative that Ador has put out for good publicity?
P.S. If I had a boat ready to sail to China, wouldn’t Anal Cunt like to get on board? Would you like to come too? I promise I didn’t already inform Xi Jinping.
Yeah what’s in the contract is everything. While I’d love to think that each girl is bagging multiple millions of dollars, and that all revenue just goes straight to the girls, sadly it’s likely a lot more complicated than that. I mean yes they probably are one of the few groups out there right now making SOME money but I don’t see them buying a yacht just yet.
What do you think about this song? It reminds me of a Black Sabbath song
Well it’s basically the riff from the verse of “War Pigs” mixed up a bit. Don’t really like this interpretation though. Tyler is a great rapper but his beat choice is very hit and miss.
Thank you for all the informative posts about writing, self-publishing, etc! Watching your success unfold here has inspired me to at least try to write something and publish it. I haven’t written anything but fanfic in years thanks to depression, but y’know, maybe I can do it too. Can I ask what note-taking app/program you use to keep up with your continuity? I’ve tried fancy shmancy programs like Scrivener, which gets too far into the weeds for me, and apps like Obsidian which are a bit too loose to keep my thoughts coherent and linear. Any suggestions you have would be great
I just open a blank Word doc and shove everything in there. What I put down in this post is just screencap copy-pastes from that actual Word document. You could even use Notepad. You don’t need anything fancy. I’ve never used Scrivener or programs like that. Hell, a physical notepad would even do the trick. Just a document that you can look up and find bits of information so you don’t have to keep re-reading your book because you can’t remember what colour the dress was supposed to be and you sworre you mentioned it in chapter 12 but I guess it was chapter 11, fuck it’s not there either, guess I’ll find it one day…
I’ve been toying lately with the idea of doing the next book’s notes in Excel. Vertical axis for characters, horizontal for chapters, and in each cell you put the plot developments that concern that specific character. I’ll try it and let you know how it went. Anyway trust me you CAN do it, just pick an organisational system that works for you, and it doesn’t have to be massively deep and complicated, it just needs to be something that you can feel comfortable with. Don’t spend too much time fussing over this point, to the point where it takes you away from actually writing your story.
have you ever considered adding a section to your bias list of idols with the largest “caonima energy” (im thinking lily cosplaying as hana from your books, jisoo, han seohee in general, etc.)? i think it would be interesting to see but i know you’re a lazy australian cunt so
It’s something I’ve thought about. I don’t know if the bias list is the right place, or if it’s better off elsewhere. I feel like “The Kpopalypse Awards” covers this maybe, but not exactly. Something for me to think about!
I’m not entirely sure what I’m trying to ask, but I’ll try my best to turn this into a question (Also, I don’t want to get punished with another JAV, that was a pretty boring video)
So, I just kind of had this thought in my head and…well, it kind of made me wonder what kind of people prefer hard beats with a heavy bass compared to other people. As far as my knowledge goes, most of music that has drums in it takes it’s roots from Africa so it makes sense music like Jazz, Rock, and Hip-Hop comes from black culture.
But I’m kind of starting to really see a divide on how much people can really take. Like, I’ve heard so many times “I like rap music, but now about the songs about bitches and money, if there songs have some actual thought to it” and I’m just kind of thinking it misses the point of the actual music? I’m kind of starting to notice a theme in a lot of early rap songs where the lyrics are basically like “You guys used to ignore me, but now I’m taking the spotlight and have money now”
Like, there’s a real story behind these songs, but with the people I meet who just seem to kind of “tolerate” rap music, they’re general preferences are really soft. Like, Bob Dylan, The Carpenters, Taylor Swift. Like, to put it in one context, I met a Taiwanese guy who really put on this tough guy attitude but he invited me to a conversation and what he was wearing was a hoodie with a baseball cap and some serious manspreading going on but then I find out he likes Slipknot? I’m kind of wondering if this guy has been bullied for the longest time and has been made fun of it so he gets some sort of emotional release by listening to something as heavy as Slipknot.
Also, I was hanging out at a Karaoke bar and there was this one girl who dropped this one pretty heavy Taiwanese rap song but then she went back to her group. They were all Taiwanese people but the way they were dressed made me think they were hip-hop fans. I didn’t have any interaction with them so didn’t think much of it.
It was my turn and…I was drunk enough to try out Doowhuchyalike by The Digital Underground and this group just started dancing all of a sudden. I don’t think they knew this song, nobody really knew this song until I had a conversation with one of the bartenders who thought it was pretty cool that I did that song. The bartenders there are real music nerds. And I also found it kind of interesting that this group of Taiwanese people were suddenly dancing because I usually have to push song recommendations really hard to get people to listen to any song I suggest while they just keep shoving that soft shit in my face (LOL)
I guess my question is, is there a certain personality type that’s just happy to hear new music just because it has hard beats in it? Also, what makes people resistant to hear these kinds of songs? I know I used to have a general aversion to rap music and heavy metal but…honestly, I’m not entirely sure what happened that made me change. I’m in my 30s now and wish I didn’t miss out on this kind of music when I was younger. Like I can tell I started expanding my music tastes after reading your blog but I don’t think I could get my younger Beatles obsessed self to hear the music the same way that I do now.
All I can offer on this is: I knew a guy at a workplace I was at once, he was a super angry guy. He used to get in fights all the time at sports matches, and he’d always lose them and/or get violently thrown out of venues and come to work with bruises on his face etc. Anyway this guy HATED heavy metal and any sort of loud music, because he said that it made him agitated. I tried to explain to them “no, it’s a release, it’s a way for you to get your anger out, if you listen to it you might find you’re less inclined to start fights” but he just said the music made him angry. So he was definitely of that “other” personality type that can’t appreciate heavy music. I also like what Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden says about it, that it appeals to the teenager inside people, and if you ever lose touch with that then you won’t like heavy metal. How that all fits together I’m not sure, I mean I’m not a psychologist, but hopefully that makes some form of sense.
Hello cunt. I have several questions. Thank you very much for answering all of them!
Aren’t you tired of having a blog and reviewing K-pop each week for how many years now, especially without any impact on the industry or the majority of the fanbase who are just totally brainwashed? Aren’t you tired of dumb teenage fans who cannot accept that you speak about K-pop with the standards of any other music genre and a dry humor they’re too dumb to read through? Don’t you feel “too old for this shit”? Honestly, I admire your dedication.
I’m a 32-year-old male, and I don’t assume listening to K-pop when people ask me about my music taste. I exclusively listen to female K-pop because I like its more creative and “bubbly” approach than male K-pop and also obviously because I’m heterosexual, and sure, I find Eunha’s thighs pretty when she dances. However, in today’s world, saying you listen to (female) K-pop as a man makes you sound like a horrible pervert (inversely, being a woman listening to male K-pop is okay) with a racist yellow fever. So, how to deal with that shit?
What makes songs like Viviz’s “Untie,” Le Sserafim’s “1-800-hot-n-fun,” or Billy Idol’s “Flesh for Fantasy” (yes, that’s not a K-pop song) so “hot” and “sexual” from a musicological point of view? Is it their bassline? Is it something else? Am I just baited by Eunha’s thighs?
Did you listen to Joey Valance & Brae’s new album No Hands? It is very good hip-hop reminding me of Beastie Boys. I guess you’ll like it!
Thank you, cunt!
Do I feel tired and too old for this shit? Yes! But I also enjoy it in lots of ways. Yes writing roundup is a tedious bore more often than not, but sometimes bangers of songs come out that make me so glad I bothered. Being able to write and publish books is amazing, I never thought I’d be doing that. Designing computer games is fun even if they’re basic af, I wish I could do that more but they are very time-consuming. Being able to use k-pop as a vehicle in general to say stuff about tangenital topics in the world is also something I enjoy.
I deal with being called a pervert by saying “well… yes? And?” I couldn’t be bothered defending myself from people who think I’m something I’m not (or something I am, hahaha). But I generally agree that on average the female songs are more to my taste because they tap into that very extreme bubblegum pop style more than the male songs, some of the time. Not always though. But that’s a very separate issue from if I like the performers. Having said that, performers with good songs do have an advantage in the “noticed by Kpopalypse” department simply because I’m more likely to rewatch their videos and notice them if the song doesn’t suck.
I don’t think there’s a common musical thread with the songs you picked, but maybe a common thematic one. In other words, yes it’s Eunha’s thighs.
That rap song is pretty cool!
ITZY recently re-released a new “final” version of Untouchable and other Born to Be tracks that includes Lia who was in hiatus before.
The final version of Untouchable however sounds off in some parts though (0:37, 1:40 that seem the most obvious) – it’s like it’s too quiet or not mixed into the track correctly. Am I just imagining things, or is it just because I’m used to the original version?
I listened to it without listening to the original and I didn’t notice anything wrong from a mixing point of view.
Am curious to know what about R&B in K-Pop turns you off so much? I align with you with so many takes, but I always find myself disagreeing on your takes on R&B inspired tracks. I remember you disliking Automatic by Red Velvet and that’s the song that got me into them believe it or not LOL (please don’t shoot me). Do you have any examples of K-Pop tracks that you think do R&B right?
Well I just don’t like R&B in general whether in k-pop or elsewhere, and I go through my reasons why here.
There’s exceptions to every rule though. I know that there are R&B style tracks in k-pop that I do like, but I can’t think of what they are right now. I tend to mention it in roundup each time one comes up (because it’s a fairly rare event) so caonimas may be able to fill you in below in the comments section.
would it be fair to call the first 32 seconds of Lexie Liu’s ‘Shadow‘ fugue-like? or kind of classical sounding? i might just be throwing around random terms incorrectly lol
It’s not a literal fugue, because the parts don’t actually repeat verbatim, but it does still kind of sound like one because what is there is reasonably close to a repetition most of the time and the vocal parts do get introduced sequentially, so I guess “fugue-like” technically isn’t incorrect. It has that kind of feeling, at least at first.
Had asked in twitterX, but thought will ask in QRIMOLE, since concert/unreleased songs are not covered by roundup, what is your take on IU’s “Bye Summer” & her use of orchestras in her concerts – conductors, violins, cellos, polyphonic vocal backing (whatever that is) etc., I have little idea of how common such are & what impact they have on live singing. I thought pop only did guitar, drums & keyboards.
Well, IU has a bigger budget than most people, so she can afford to pay the wages of a large ensemble setup of performers like that, not to mention a pretty nice looking guitar, gosh. (I couldn’t find that particular guitar finish on a Telecaster anywhere for sale so I guess it’s one she had custom built.) Most of the time a performer with less of a budget would just use keyboards and backing tracks to get layered sounds like that because it’s cheaper. I like here how she plays one chord on the guitar before the song starts to confirm “yes it’s live I’m really playing it” and then the song actually starts and it’s completely obvious that her guitar isn’t even in the mix at all. Still, it’s a nice prop. Sorry I keep talking about the guitar but it’s the most interesting thing about this video.
have you listened to imaginal disk by magdalena bay?
No. (Easy question, I like it.)
So there’s this professor that’s making us analyse his electronic compositions for his class. Idk if this is common for music professors or just someone huffing their own farts – but keep in mind I live in the Balkans so it’s messy. I’m also not a music major, I’m in CS and this class was kinda described as an introduction to sound design for games, but the university is putting the same classes in multiple majors so now we’ve mixed with some music majors. My music vocabulary and knowledge is limited and I have to write a full page analysis of a concert that made me nod off, and it’s a different composition by this prof every week. My question is how do I stop myself from going insane without any illegal drugs and how do I make up some decent enough bullshit
He sounds like he just wants validation from his class for his shitty electronic dirges so just write something where you blow smoke up his ass and throw in a few technical terms, that should do it.
I liked nmixx’s performance on ‘Tiny Desk’. Did you like it.
Actually I did, their songs work much better in that format. Probably because it’s kind of hard to do a messy change-up when you’re working with the same instruments all the way through.
What is the KPOPALYPSE consensus on the band Talking Heads?
What is the KPOPALYPSE consensus on the band DEVO?
What is the KPOPALYPSE consensus on how Keith Richards could possibly still be alive with a working liver, heart, and brain?
meh
meh
drugs
Hi oppar, I feel like I’m at a crucial turning point in my life right now where any slump or wrong decision will doom me to a life of misery and for some reason instead of locking in and focusing on what I need to get done, I really just want to start watching one piece. I’ll be 18 soon so I have exams next year that’ll decide my entire life from here on. But for a couple years (from covid and onwards) I sort of did fuck all and just sat in my room all day playing games. Anyway last year I made my academic comeback and although I had been studying hard for a few months straight, now that I’ve started 6th year, I feel like I’m languishing again and even though I can feel the pressure of my future hanging over me, I can’t really find the motivation to get back into my studies. How do I force myself to study? Should I get a job or something to indoctrinate myself into a hard working focused life or should I give up on my dreams and play videogames in my parents’ attic the rest of my life. This is not fun at all.
Don’t treat it as an either/or proposition. I still play computer games these days (even though I suck at them) but I also do a shit-ton of work and writing. You don’t have to choose. Maturity doesn’t happen when you give up the things you love and focus only on work, it happens when you learn to balance competing interests and prioritise your time and attention so you can do what you need to do but still enjoy the things you love.
You seem to play video games (like League of Legends), but hate sports. What do you think about competitive gaming (esports) then?
I like it more than regular sports. I wish it was around when I was younger and gaming more, I would have probably become motivated to be an e-sport player. These days my reflexes and vision both aren’t great so I have no hope of competing on that kind of level. Sports are very culturally important where I live, which I hate, because I hate sport, so seeing gamers be treated the same way as other types of sport is great for me, it’s like validation.
Should I ask another question?
Yes.
Are you doing Nugu alert again? Or are you just including Nugus in round ups?
The series continues! There will be more Nugu Alerts.
How many of that book have you sold? Do you need to redvelvet-ize TripleS yet?
Love Carousel, the third book in the series of four: so far I’ve sold 73 on Amazon, 17 on Kobo, and I think none on Barnes & Noble (I’m unsure though because their reporting tool is shit, I don’t know why I waste my time with putting my stuff up there, nobody actually buys from that shithole) so that’s 90 copies total. Another 10 and I’ll take on the task and see if I don’t go insane.
Does Australia have Shrinkflation?
Yes, I’ve noticed it with chocolate bars that I used to like as a kid, they’re way smaller now and I’m pretty sure it’s not because my hands got bigger. Also there was an awesome chocolate cafe that did chilli chocolate tarts with amazing chocolate genache in them, and then the total babe of an owner who I had a crush on left and the store was taken over by her partner who was a douche and the first thing he did was shrinkflate the chocolate tarts so the genache was just flat and not super stacked, I nearly cried. Fortunately they went out of business soon after that, sucks to be them.
Typical boring B-side track. I wish people wouldn’t ask me about dull B-side shit in QRIMOLE. I would have made this question the JAV of the Month if someone already hadn’t given me one below.
BOOK RELATED QUESTIONS (SPOILERS)
(spoilers for your books but)
I found your depiction of the Youtube video claiming Hana hates men/is obviously gay really funny, the description of the editing style was great. If you were a kpop girl, would you be caught blatantly checking out your in-group gf?
Oh hell yeah.
I’ve started your book series from the beginning and the way Hana was selected reminded me of the formation of Atomic Kitten: Andy McCluskey contacted local schools to find the members. The music teachers put forward girls who could sing and (presumably) were attractive enough to be in a girl group. Do you think that kind of thing happens often?
Fairly rare, but not unprecedented either. While it’s not the norm, quite a few people have been street-scouted just from appearance, or scouted by some weird random canvassing operation.
Also some books related questions so feel free to remove them if you are not confortable with spoilers being on qrimole.
1: Did the 50 chapters per book ever felt like a constraint ? It seems like an arbitrary number so were you ever forced to cut stuff you wanted to write ? On the other hand did you have to come up with ideas to fill some of the shorter chapters to reach the count ?
2: Did you have the idea of Iseul having a crush on Hana since the first book or did it came to you at the end of the series ? Because maybe it’s just me being as dumb as Hana or Caitlyn lying but I can only feel pure hatred coming from Iseul. Sure the changing scenes seemed weird at the moment but feel very detached with the constant fighting and wangtta calling from the get-go.
3: What motivated you to end the book not on the very hopeful and optimistic last chapter but on the super weird Shu show ? Also what inspired this part in general because I think you hate korean tv shows and this definitly doesn’t feel like the real ones. If anything it feels more like what Gyeongja could have seen while overdosing. Also not enough Youngsook content in this book and the epilogue, you did her dirty.
Anyway thanks for writing the books, I sound salty in the questions but I still enjoyed them a lot. I even thought about writing a wiki about the series because I kept forgetting the character names and relations and I love wikis but honestly as you often say: icbf
1. I just set 50 as an arbitrary number, and then for future books I decided to keep it that way. It’s good to work with a limitation when writing, it actually makes the writing process easier. By constraining it to 50 chapters it forced me to focus in on what really made the stories work (at least from my point of view). Of course in the last book it’s different because it needs room for the epilogues so that ended up being less chapters, but the overall page count is about the same. The main reason why I wanted to keep page counts the same throughout the series is so if people bought all the physical books they’d look uniform on people’s shelves.
2. There are hints all through the series, but they’re quite subtle. Remember the story is being told through Hana’s eyes and Hana is repulsed by Iseul generally, plus has little emotional intelligence and is very self-absorbed. There’s quite a few things that she doesn’t notice, some of which will be evident if I ever decide to retell parts of her story from the perspective of other characters. Undecided if I’ll ever do that, although the idea of a Caitlin-perspective story that ties together all the smutty stuff and allows me to write more pornographically is appealing.
3. The epilogues exist because I wanted to show how different characters matured and landed in different spaces.
The punk TV interview is there to show the different dynamics that exist between Hana’s new group and the media/public perception, vs her old group. Also it makes clear the bond between the members that has developed, they look out for each other and have each others’ back during a hostile interview process. It reinforces that Hana is comfortable in her new home and is no longer a social outcast, at least not in her new peer group.
Hana’s solo interview shows Hana (finally) becoming (somewhat) more self-aware and mature thanks to events that transpired in the book and after, and repairing some of the damage done earlier. Also making it clear that she’s still with Caitlin. There’s so many books about LGBT people where the protagonist is “punished” for being “bad”, I wanted to show Hana landing in a good place, and specifically NOT being given some kind of moral ‘lesson’ by the plot for bad behaviour. In this way, the book implicitly condones Hana’s actions.
Nari’s interview is essential because she’s such an important character, the one who comes to the group with aspirational dreams of making it big, the type of character that most other ‘kpop fiction’ books revolve around (even if those characters in other people’s books don’t have Nari’s muscle tone). I wanted to show how her dreams didn’t work out, why she personally felt they didn’t work for her (and, by implication, why they won’t work for many others in the real world), what she learned as a result, but also how she was able to be introspective about it and was still able to find happiness and a path forward. I wanted to give people who are actually thinking about being in the music world a demonstration that they don’t need to keep all their eggs in one basket. I hate the glamorisation of the pathway to stardom in traditional k-pop books and books about music and fame in general, Nari’s interview is there to counter that, which reinforces one of the most important messages of the series overall.
“Shu’s World” isn’t like other variety TV on purpose. I deliberately wrote the kind of variety show that I think would fit a utopian Shu-guided idealisation of variety TV, not the kind of sucky stuff that’s actually out there. Whether it’s a surreal dream sequence is open to interpretation, but to know that it feels surreal to the reader is great, that’s exactly what I was aiming for.
Youngsook disappears from Hana’s orbit somewhere near the end of the fourth book for good reason – she’s remaining inside the industry that Hana desperately wants nothing to do with, so they have little contact. But she does appear in the Kimchi Slappers audience, just to show that the bond is still there and that they are still friends.
The fact that you sound salty is good, it means that you care about the characters and what happens to them enough to let it show! All future books by Kpopalypse will be in the same universe, so the characters are still out there! Who knows what may happen…
BEST QUESTION
Have you seen the Malatanghulu dance in FTKD-019 at 05:20 ? Is Kpop coming to Jav a sign of a future Honey Popcorn comeback ?
This was definitely a JAV/k-pop crossover that I didn’t expect! I doubt it will inspire Yua Mikami to make a comeback, but you never know… anyway with credentials like that, I guess it’s as good a selection for JAV of the Month as any!
That’s all for this episode of QRIMOLE! This series will return next month!
Oh, and do you have a question that you’d like to see answered in the next episode of QRIMOLE? If so, use the question box below, or if no box appears, click the Qri on the sidebar to open the box as a separate webpage! Kpopalypse will return!
Welcome to another Kpopalypse survey results post! This time we’re wrapping up all the important survey results in the Kpopalypse 2024 survey of caonima action!
Question 1: Hi! How are you? Please answer in as much or as little detail as applicable.
The usual traditional opening question, which all readers have come to know and love. Here’s some randomly selected answers, and my replies!
Honestly, great. After a few months of aimlessness after finishing my undergrad, I’ve accepted an offer to study at an Australian university for graduate school and I’m working on the visa paperwork right now. Assuming all goes well, I’ll get to study in my favorite field AND live with my fiance. Several years of trans-Pacific long distance has sucked balls. Praying that the government will accept me as a genuine cunt instead of leaving me in visa limbo.
The Australian government can definitely be a bunch of cunts when it comes to letting people immigrate here. Despite the anti-immigration “migrants flooding the country” narrative, in practice it’s actually really hard to get in and it takes much determination to break through the red tape. Good luck!
Fuck, I’ve been too busy with work and not enjoying life enough. Also gotten out of shape because I feel too lazy to do anything in my little time off. This can’t be the correct way to live, can it?
Probably not, but it can be hard to get motivation when your work activities are especially draining. I can relate – I’ve had to work a lot of less-than-ideal jobs lately to make ends meet, and my health is probably also suffering for it. Fortunately, it’s temporary, better times ahead…
i’d rather KILL MYSELF than tell you anything
Gosh now that’s a bit drastic, don’t do that. You could have just typed “n/a” or “fuck you Kpopalypse you creepy bald Australian cunt” or something.
fuck you Kpopalypse you creepy bald Australian cunt
See? How hard was that? Not hard at all.
Getting on pretty well – was finally able to move out from home six months ago and my life quality has drastically improved. Still kinda salty I can’t work out what was in Jane’s package tho.
Just think about what could have the effect that it had, and would definitely work on most adults, but something a child would be unlikely to show interest in…
ok except for being unemployed, why tf do employers never get back to applicants, I wish I were a nepo baby
Yes being unemployed does suck. The good part about it though is you can focus your entire energy on your job search.
hi. so i decided to drop out of college. for a second time. i used to study medicine but the environment was too toxic, it made my depression worse and caused my thyroid gland to go berserk. so i dropped out. i got a job at a call center and have been working there for 5 years(my anniversary is in like two months). i was always the smart kid in the class and my mother always had high hopes for me. 3 years ago i enrolled into college again, opting to major in IT despite me not having any real passion for it.
due to me working full time and supporting my younger brother who has still a student, and my mother who has been diagnosed with cancer last year, it’s really hard to find the time or the energy to fully dedicate myself to college and graduating so i had to repeat a year.
meanwhile i got promoted twice on my current job in the span of the past two years. don’t get me wrong, i am not passionate about workforce management or excel or being a data analyst but the pay is reasonable, it gives me financial and emotional independence and helps me in supporting my family.
i haven’t told my mother about my plans to drop out again, as i don’t want to worry her and worsen her health condition. i have told none of my friends either. i guess i just need a safe space to dump all of these thoughts. a few days ago i turned 29, next year i am turning the big 30 which sounds hella silly. in the vast span of time and space 30 years is laughable, a mere blink of an eye.
i wrote all of this to give context as to why i always feel like the speed at which i move in my life is off. growing up i was the mature, responsible older sister, an overachiever. now i feel like i am behind everyone and everything because my pace doesn’t match anyone in my environment. i don’t share the collective experiences of graduating from uni, having a steady relationship or having any semblance of an idea of what the hell i want to do with my future. and i repeat day in day out that everyone has their own pace and path in life, but that doesn’t make living my life easier. do you think trying to go to therapy (again) and signing up for a gym would help lol
don’t feel obliged to reply to this or to read through this word vomit. i am just grateful for you providing me with a safe space to get all of this out of my system. and to answer your question…
tl; dr: i am not doing too hot, but i want to believe that at some point i will be okay
Well if your goal of going to uni is to get a career, and you already have a career, and you’re not even that passionate about your uni degree topic… do you need uni? I mean sure if the job is making you miserable change it, but it seems to me like it’s the other things that are making you miserable, like expectations, feeling like you’re not achieving, or whatever. Ultimately though your life is yours – whatever you decide to do with it, the most important thing is that you’re doing it because that’s what you want to do, not because of some outsid expectation or idea about how taht’s what you “should” do or “successful people do this” or whatever. Jobs don’t bring fulfillment, they bring money.Money doesn’t bring you fulfillment either necessarily, but it does make it a hell of a lot easier to negotiate certain obstacles that can get in the way…
I have the flu and it turned out really bad and nasty. A lot of disgusting liquid in my nose, a lot of loud coughing. Please imagine in detail.
Just sharing this with the readers because sharing is caring.
I am doing pretty well, recently won the lottery (1.5 million in crypto! retiring early) and was given a Nobel Peace Price for my outstanding efforts to bring about peace in tiktok comments. Army / Exol / Blinks haven’t doxxed me yet, but it’s only a matter of time, so I’ll be hiring some armed assassins to keep watch over my 2 bedroom flat apartment with perfect feng shui furniture arrangement (those ikea pieces were NOT cheap and I don’t want them stolen). Hope you’re doing well too.
I don’t know what’s harder to believe – that someone won a crypto lottery, or that someone’s been active on TikTok as a peacemaker in the k-pop space and not yet doxxed by k-pop fandoms devoted to eternal fanwar.
I have a three month old baby and when she won’t sleep we’ve been watching a lot of kpop music videos which is probably going to give her some sort of complex or just terrible taste in music when she grows up.. idk which
She’s going to grow up to talk shit about me on whatever social media is trending with the kids in 20 years, I can sense it.
I just made stir-fried fajita lime chicken with rice and bell peppers which was nice; I have my own apartment now and stay with my boyfriend half the week and feel like I’m learning to be more independent (I’m 23.) Which reminds me, I keep meeting people online who seem around as or less mature than I am despite being older than me (ranging between like 27-40.) I feel a bit freaked out when I meet them—it feels like they haven’t outgrown their “Tiktok commenter” phase or genuinely engaged too much with ideas outside of their own. What makes this happen with people? Do they have poor reading comprehension, are they radicalized by something, are they just super isolated/shy…?
I think everyone matures at different rates. I know I was a dumb fuck in my 20s and you probably would have thought the same shit about me – and you would have been right.
Hey I’m great! Living life with a lot of routine which makes me satisfied. Just finished the whole Shin Hana series and i’m happy all the girls have their own happy ending (except maybe Iseul). Your blog and books have made me realise that the world of kpop is not as glamorous as i thought it was, so thank you for opening my eyes!!
You’re welcome! Iseul’s doing okay, she probably needs her own gritty reality series.
Some days are better than others. I can’t help but overthink about the part I play in causing myself pain on the days where it’s worse, and I blame myself a lot for the way I am, but I’m trying to work on it. Fortunately my friends also somehow or rather show up for me and let me lean on them, so it reduces the self-loathing and let’s me see things more clearly. Internally, I have a lot of stress but I do feel that that is because I magnify every bad thing under a microscope and forget to look at what is going right. Externally, there are great things in my life that I am lucky to have. I just have to learn to internalise that, some how. Any tips?
I got over feelings like this by being very mentally active. I’m always writing something, or doing something. If I’m always busy creating I don’t have to time to get too negative. This entire website could just be one big therapy session.
stan loona
okay
surviving ig. i switched programs from physics to music finally so i guess i no longer want to kms over that. i got into the band for this super cool gig (on keys) and i’m really excited about that. still pretty lonely but i guess i’m destined for that
Nah, things will happen. Especially if you keep the band stuff going.
I am scared of you and I think you’re weird but you’re also very funny and I don’t know what to do about it
Well I am weird. But I’m also friendly and probably only about 35% as scary as I seem.
hi, good. but the kpopalypse survey always makes me go wtf another year has passed already??
That’s strange because I do these big ones once every six months. You may actually be half as old as you feel.
So bored that I’m asking some snarky Australian old fuck ex-DJ blogger on his Retrospring about the breast naturalness of an escort who lives in a country I don’t yet
Yep, you’re pretty bored
Far better than last year ! I overcame my anxiety disorder and will finally be able to accomplish my goal ! I was suicidal one year ago but I kept fighting ! So, if people reading this are struggling about their own life, don’t do it and seek for therapy. Life is worth living it !
Awesome!
I’m kinda fucked as I’m now unemployed. If you had worked for government or administration jobs before do you suggest me to join in such career path and what advice can you give if someone is to pursue such career path?
I did work for the government for a little while many years ago. Hated it.
Best advice I can give is don’t, but if you do, learn some basic Excel, you’ll probably need it at some point. I know it’s not cool but it’s a sport now, or something.
Worried about the prospect of Trump being elected!
I doubt he will get elected legally, he’s too divisive and weird. Being divisive and weird is fine if you’re a k-pop writer but not if you’re running for a position that relies on popularity. You should be more worried about what will happen after, when he inevitably claims that he won anyway, and uses his usual Goebbels playbook to rally his fandom to do god knows what. In 2020 he was claiming the election was stolen before the votes were even counted, watch him do the same thing again. He’ll probably also call in a few more favours from his friend Elon Musk, watch out for that guy (if you haven’t quit Twitter yet, now’s a good time).
Thank you for asking. I am conflicted. Recently, I have started engaging in homosexual activities with a guy, and I think that I would like for us to be gay together for a long time. My problem: I recently got out of a relationship that kind of fucked me up mentally. Well, “recently”, in October it will be a year since I last met my ex, but the emotional damage is still very much present! My next problem: this guy also has pre-existing psychiatric problems caused by a previous relationship. That relationship ended quite some time ago, but the damage done by it is still there. My third problem: we both have long-term severe mental health issues that are independent from our relationship-related problems. [Pause for dramatic effect] Man, it really does not bode well for our potential relationship. I mean, we practically already are boyfriends. We do everything that a couple does, except call each other ‘boyfriend’ or ‘babe’ or some other gay shit. (Note: ‘gay shit’ because we are gay. I am not homophobic. I love all gay people, especially my boyf- I mean, my bro.) I don’t even know why I’m so conflicted over this thing, because I do want to be his boyfriend, and I want him to be my boyfriend, and I want to tell the whole world that he’s my boyfriend because he’s the hottest guy to have ever existed and I want everyone to be jealous of me. But at the same time, I do wonder if it’s really a good idea considering the odds are stacked against us, and I already want to kill myself and don’t need another failed relationship to fully push me over the edge. But if I were to tell him that we shouldn’t be gay together anymore, I’d be a major jerk for leading him on. I don’t think in that scenario he’d actually have any ill feelings towards me. He’d most likely understand why I called it off, but I’d still be a jerk.
So, to summarize, my choices are either 1. be gay with him, or 2. be a jerk. Even when I put it like that, I’m still conflicted. But once again, I don’t understand why I’m so conflicted, because I don’t think I’d be able to not be gay with him. I texted him this Thursday (I don’t know when the fuck you’ll be reading this, but as of the time that I am writing this, it’s Saturday) and asked if he wanted to hang out some day during the weekend, and he responded with telling me that he is busy every day except for Sunday. SUNDAY?????? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???????? I actually got kind of pissed when I read that, not at him, but at time. I realize now that I never even replied to his text because I got so pissy over the fact that I wouldn’t meet him until fucking Sunday. Oh my god. It’s almost Sunday. You know what? I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to be so fucking gay with this man. I’m going to be so gay that the Oxford English Dictionary will change it’s definition of homosexuality to my name. I’ll probably change my mind later, but right now I am very excited about us being gay tomorrow. If he cancels, I might die. I should also probably tell him that tomorrow works for me too. Oops.
I guess I’m changing my answer. I’m not conflicted, for the time being. We’ll see how I feel in a week. Well, before I move on to the next question… How are you?
Please answer in as much or as little detail as applicable. PEACE!
I’m good!
Pick option 1 and be gay with the guy. The fact that you both have some serious issues isn’t the weakness you think it is. If anything it may strengthen your gayness, because you can help each other overcome trauma and bad shit. If there’s one person who understands what it’s like to go through shit, it’s another person also going through shit. Happy long term couples aren’t people who are perfect, they’re people who learn to live with and help the other person through their faults and weaknesses. Use the bad shit as a bridge to build communication and trust, and who knows where your relationship will go. You might be still doing it five sequels later, like Chuu and Yves.
Question 2: Do you consent to Kpopalypse using your data for the purposes of being a cunt
Seems about right, nah yeah.
Question 3: Important demographic question – your age?
Demographic research shows that Kpopalypse readers are generally older than the average k-pop reader, which makes sense because being a caonima is something that a lot of readers feel they need to age into.
Question 5: Your gender?
As usual, female readers outnumber male readers on Kpopalypse.com. This was the first year when I gave people an option not to disclose their gender, so who knows what the hell those people were, a bunch of cunts who refuse to answer questions probably, but hopefully they feel included now.
Question 6: Your LGBT status?
Nearly 50% of you are somewhere on the Chuuvestrum, and another nearly-quarter of you think you might be. Straight people really are an oppressed minority here at Kpopalypse.com!
Question 7: There are six TNTHGSWY games, should the series continue?
Slightly more people than not seem to want the TNTHGSWY series to continue on past the danger zone of six episodes!
Question 8: Here is a lyrics video for the song “Done” by Naevis
Please rate this song’s lyrics on the K-pop Intelligibility Scale with 1 being “If you wanna pretty, every wanna pretty” and 10 being “you’re the best ever come in my life”
I don’t really know what this means, but it’s only my job to collect the data, not make sense of it.
Question 9: Asian-but-not-Korean not-pop not-world-music weekly features in roundup will come to an end in December 2024, and will probably be replaced by non-Korean LGBT in 2025 unless I have a better idea. How do you feel about this?
Kpopalypse surveydoers determined that my proposed gay content was indeed very gay. Meanwhile Holland filled out the survey multiple times, that man needs a job.
Question 10: You have captured Bang Si-Hyuk and Min Hee Jin, and imprisoned them in your k-pop dungeon, you have them both suspended on a platform above a pool of hungry sharks. There is a trapdoor under each of them, and you have a lever which can only release one trapdoor, sending one person to their certain death, but the other person gets to walk free plus gets full control of NewJeans plus millions of dollars and immunity to lawsuits. Which person do you release into the shark pool?
Never one to shy away from the big issues affecting k-pop today, readers threw down on the important issue of Bang Si Hyuk vs Min Hee Jin! To leave them standing there or just kick the platform over, that is the question you all struggled with, probably over lunch.
Question 11: How do you feel about k-pop song quality this year?
Kpopalypse readers actually thought that song quality improved about maybe 0.014% this year. This breaks the usual pattern where caonimas have often thought that songs were getting slightly worse overall, on average. Impressive!
Question 12: Observe this video of Chuu.
What do you notice about Chuu?
Observant caonimas noticed the ponytail! Good work!
Question 13: Prices of the Kpopalypse e-books are $2.99 USD for the first e-book and $4.99 for the other three in the series. Should I apply further discounts?
Actually this pricing doesn’t apply everywhere, ebooks are cheaper than shown here in Brazil and the Philippines. However for most other countries it applies. I was surprised by how many people thought I should leave the books at the existing prices, so I’ll probably just do that for the most part, but I’m sure I could find a reason to apply the “Caitlin discount” at some point.
Question 14: A reaction to Suhyun hitting #1 on the Kpopalypse bias list:
Thoughts?
While I probably would share my Whittaker’s chocolate block with Suhyun, I’d also encourage her to go to the gym with me afterwards, if she wanted.
Question 15: Kpopalypse is writing a new book! Name the female main character! This question is optional.
Thanks for all your responses! Best suggestions:
Your cat is a female, right? Chronicle her journey of her ruthless rise as leader of Mnet’s latest girl group and the high-stakes legal drama that results after she racks up 500 billion worth of damages doing *insert crime*
Just asked for a main character name, didn’t expect a whole-ass plot synopsis including mid-story spoilers! I do like this idea though, maybe one for a furry author.
Slayer Southofheaven
There’s definitely potential in this name!
dont care still
Neither do I, that’s why I got you to pick!
Kachel Rim
Definitely a quality name!
Question 16: What should be the sexuality of the main character?
That split is relatively even, but one thing is for sure – Kpopalypse readers don’t want to read a book from the perspective of boring heterosexuals.
Question 17: How much sex should there be in the new book?
I’m honestly shocked by how many of you wanted a realistic amount of sex scenes and didn’t want me to just write porn. Don’t think that it means I won’t write some anyway at some point…
Question 18: Put your nomination for the 2025 Kpopalypse “no reason” sidebar girl here. This question is optional.
Thank you for your nominations! The new winner of the extreme honour of “no reason” sidebar girl is XG’s Cocona!
Question 19: I haven’t had any ex-idol interviews for a while now, despite reaching out to people as usual. Why is this?
The era of tell-all Kpopalypse interviews may in fact be over, and it’s easy to see why. Idols have a lot to lose and little to gain from doing a Kpopalypse Interview, even some of the very few who have been courageous enough to do one have had to reneg on the deal later for various reasons due to ‘external forces’. Also, fair enough that they want to get a little money from TikTok, it’s probably some of the only decent money a lot of them will get from their idol careers. Still, my email inbox is always open, should they change their minds…
Question 20: Here is NewJeans’ latest ASMR video.
What’s your favourite ASMR moment of this video?
NewJeans always seem to be at the center of controversy, and the decision about which part of their latest ASMR video was best certainly met typically divisive NewJeans hot topic issue standards! Why can’t we just all agree?
Question 21: Yes I have communicated with AustralianSana recently and there is a podcast being planned soon! How do you feel about this?
Fans of the podcast series will be happy to know that the AustralianSana podcast did occur and you can listen to it here! Unfortunately she was sober but hey if you want DrunkSana you have to pay for the booze, them’s the rules.
Question 22: For my readers battling with OCD, please rate Kpopalyspe.com’s inclusiveness of the concerns of OCD sufferers on this scale between 1 and 10.
More readers picked the first option, which was also the ‘yes’ option, as well as number 1 out of 2. Hopefully this inability to select a correct answer cured you of your OCD affliction. For an extra “can’t scratch that itch, guess I just have to live with it” bonus, I made sure to spell my website’s name wrong.
Question 23: As usual, I plan to write a Halloween fiction this year. What format would you prefer?
Caonima’s wish is my command – you can experience the latest Kpopalypse Halloween fanfiction by clicking here!
Question 24: Cat
cat
Cat.
Question 25: How do you feel about the trend of “global girl groups” from k-pop agencies?
What’s more racist, liking “global girl groups” or not liking them? Nobody knows, but most of you agreed that the trend has been underwhelming so far.
Question 26: Come to think of it, why IS there a microscopically tiny but very obsessed ultra-right wing of international k-pop fans?
The whole “I’m going to embrace the music of another culture that isn’t my own and by the way I think that Hitler guy had some points” crowd are pretty slim on the ground in the k-pop world for obvious reasons, but they do exist. Readers seemed to feel that it was the oppression of women and minorities in the k-pop world that might be drawing them in.
Question 27: The other day, a “bestselling romance author” contacted me on social networking. They started DMing me unprompted and telling me how they sold a lot of books, and sending me links to their books (which were legit and actually do seem to sell quite a bit, they are at the time of writing #1382 in “Animal Fiction” on Amazon, I could never). They then started asking me about how my own books were selling. After I told them that I didn’t sell that many and wasn’t really in it for that kind of reason, I was ghosted. What was this person’s deal?
Readers were divided on this topic, but the most popular option was… to see if I ccould give them sales tips? Okay, so if that person who DMed me is reading, here’s a tip: read this post and use the information in it to try and write a book that isn’t complete dogshit. Your book will probably sell better if it doesn’t suck balls… but then, after reading some of the stuff that does sell, maybe sucking balls is advantage, fuck, I dunno… fancy asking me this shit…
Question 28: Here’s a picture of Yua Mikami, freely wandering the streets being a fashionista, unburdened by the concerns of k-pop (yes this photo is for real, not an AI).
Thoughts?
Actually, she does seem like a nice girl.
Question 29: Please select your favourite JAV from the following recent JAVs of the month. (Apologies that there are a lot of these, but I do one as punishment for each non-question that is submitted in QRIMOLE. If I don’t teach them, they won’t learn!)
Here’s your selections – from least popular to most!
9th: [DANDY-928] Bursting Out of Her Work Clothes With Huge Breasts! Thought I’d Get Caught Masturbating by the Cleaner and Get Scolded, But She Provoked Me Instead…
8th: [SONE-274] K-cup bra-less sister’s breast shaking and nipple popping double unintentional seduction
7th: [JUQ-720] Married secretary, creampie sex in the president’s office filled with sweat and kissing. A secretary with indecent L cup and a sweet face appears.
6th: [LULU-287] Yearning for my bright and energetic senpai with a big butt in tight pants, seduced by her unaware teasing, I couldn’t resist rubbing her panties
5th: [SONE-319] “It’s your big boobs, Sensei!” A delicate female teacher with massive K-cup breasts turns all the boys into rapists
3rd: [LULU-283] During overtime, a part-time housewife cleaner who can’t hide her frustration seduces me with her unconscious big butt, demanding creampie.
2nd: [PPPE-249] A horny, curvy office lady who is weak to pressure undergoes sexual harassment training. Her big, sensitive, doughy nipples get doused in cum and turned into a mega fleshlight.
WINNER: [START-037] My power-harassing boss turned into a woman, so I made her my shared internal vagina.
Question 30: Please rate your enjoyment of this survey
Most caonimas seemed to enjoy the survey – thank you for participating!
Question 31: Results of this survey will be published after it closes. Do you actually read these results posts?
Well, I guess if you’re reading this right now, you probably voted ‘yes’!
Question 32: Thank you for doing this survey! If you have any feedback for Kpopalypse please leave it here. This question is optional.
Some selected responses, and my replies!
Congrats on having a more inclusive question about gender than the multinational company I work for! (I’ve drafted a very corporate-speak inquiry email about it that I’ll send them the next time I’m bored out of my mind) I appreciate it, cunt.
Despite outward appearances, Kpopalypse has always been a beacon of inclusivity and acceptance within the highly toxic and bigoted scene of online k-pop spaces. True caonimas know this!
Maybe every now and again, trade-in the CUNT attitude to a CUNTINESS attitude and you will be filled with fans. Get that Schmoney my guy
I have no idea what the fuck this even means
I hope your cat continues to live a long and happy life (genuine). I also have an elder cat and have been concerned with his health lately. I love all your silly cat videos and hope your baby stays happy
Me too! Of course no cat lasts forever, but hopefully she has many more years. Because she’s kinda big I always get paranoid about her dying randomly one day, most likely while eating. At least she woudl have died doing what she loved…
You’re my bias Kpop writer. I get a ton of enjoyment from this site; thank you for all the content.
You’re welcome!
Re book pricing: if you’re not doing a big push to get readers (which is not your style) I’d actually go up to $5.99, if Trump wins he will probably implement policies that will restart inflation in the US again, so $5.99 won’t look like as much to US readers and you can collect our dollars (such as they’ll be) while pointing and laughing at us (again). Also $0.99 or free is a more typical first-in-series discount, though I can see you being like, “Fuck that, I’m not giving away books.” Since you’re in KU I might not even do the first book discount, just price ’em all at $5.99 and save the price drops for when you feel like advertising.
I’d rather make the books affordable to caonimas of all income brackets, than squeeze a few extra dollarydoos out of people just because I can. I mean yes if the $USD turns to absolute ass (highly likely if Trump gets in) I might consider a price rise but then on the other hand I might just feel sorry for your poor broke ass Americans getting robbed by multi-millionaire Trump to fund his next yacht and keep my prices low on purpose. Also the reason why my first ebook is exactly $2.99 is because of how e-book royalties work on Amazon, where it makes much more sense financially to price things within the $2.99-$9.99 bracket because the royalty rate is better. If I price it lower than $2.99, Jeff Bezos makes more money from my book than I do, which doesn’t seem very fair given that he’s a billionaire and isn’t even subscried to my Ko-fi at the Elon Musk tier.
I loved this year’s asian non kpop selection, I hope to more punk rock mentions from here on.
Happy to hear! There will be more…
What would you do if you found an adult video scene you liked with two certified JAV hotties going to pound town in a non-degrading, flirty but deeply intimate way but it featured not only the world’s ugliest lingerie set but also the world’s most busted, bent, ugly, bad, unappealing couch that it totally distracted you and ruined your evening. I’m at least glad that they messed both of the items up beyond repair but where do these people find these those things? Make floral patterns great again 2024
It’s funny because usually I get bothered when the couches are too nice, because they do those bukkake scenes on them and about 50% of the cum usually misses the girl completely and just lands straight on the couch and I always feel sorry for the person who has to clean that later. Cleaning up after sex work is a profession that’s very much underappreciated, that’s why Sooae in my books has that kind of job, everyone wants to write about the fucking but nobody wants to talk about changing the sheets. There needs to be a “Viscera Cleanup Detail” kind of game but an adult version where instead of visiting a space station or whatever, you go to brothels, hot springs and various other sex-work friendly locations and tidy up the mess from the previous night’s orgies. OCD sufferers who were also porn addicts would love it.
As a racist right winger I’ll offer up why I think Kpop appeals to the few dozen of us. First off believe it or not we are human beings that also like hot people dancing and singing fun songs. Wild I know, and brace yourself: Kpop is actually more right wing than left. That should be obvious but I’m sure there are countless libtards living in denial of this reality like they do everything, because “look at how hard Soyeon is girlbossing” or some ignorant shit. Mainstream western pop and art in general are pretty horrible and have been since being totally consumed by self-righteous, “activist” libtardation years ago. Asian cultures are still much more conservative however, and so the art they produce contains conservative messages and values much more often. Kpop, funnily enough with its horde of brainwashed ultraliberal know-nothing fangirls, carries a lot of traditional values in terms of gender roles, reverence for traditional beauty, respect for hierarchy, the pursuit of disciplined excellence, modesty, and racial homogeneity — at least relative to the west. As a westerner stuck in a society where masculinized women, ugliness, multiculturalism, and degeneracy are glorified and worshipped, the escapism offered by kpop is heightened. The twist here is these areas of conservative distinction– trad beauty on the highest pedestal, low degeneracy, high modesty, competition in a capitalist environment, racial purity (vcha and katseye flopped) — are actually where most stans, even the libtards, find appeal in kpop. The difference is right wingers can be honest about it whereas libtards have to unconsciously deny/ignore it or make up some bullshit rationalization about how their favs are secret gay allies that actually don’t care about their skin being tan.
While I don’t agree with this ideology (you’ll never convince me that degeneracy isn’t great, that racism is cool, that modesty isn’t just boring, or that Eunjung doesn’t look better the more masculinised she is) I actually completely agree with your observations about the hypocrisy of fans who give lip-service to progressive values while cheering on the hypercapitalist whipping of teenagers, as well as k-pop having more right-wing values in general. I think that’s absolutely correct, and part of why I write is because I recognise that k-pop does have those values and I think that’s something that needs pointing out. Whether people agree or disagree with those values, I think that’s not as important as just knowing they exist in that scene, so people looking from the outside in can make properly informed choices. Young k-pop fans gassing each other up with positivity and bullshit doesn’t seem too harmful on the surface until they get so enamoured by k-pop dreams that they audition for groups themselves, get in, and find out that the values they hold dear are nowhere to be found in the guts of the machine. It actually happens all the time, and I know this because people talk to me about it… increasingly off the record though, which is a pity. If only I had a way of somehow letting people know some of what they’ve been telling me…
as someone who ACTUALLY experiences asmr the correct answer is the coughs.
also i feel bad for the girls under cignature’s label! i know you’re a coomer so you love jeewon but like as a gay man i feel bad! especially seeing the girls’ reaction to the underpanty shot in their summer snoozer comeback
@ 1:20, girl in the middle’s face drops but everyone else professionaly goes like “uhhh the fuck?”). also i dont remember this being a bonus video or anything so im including it here
Chaesol (front middle) definitely is the one who has a problem with it. She looks like she’s considering her life choices, or at least, hoping her parents aren’t watching. The others, I think not so much. But then, who knows for sure? You never really know for sure unless they tell you, and even then, you have to ask why they’re telling you, because the system is such that you can’t easily trust information. I refer people to the comic at the end of this post. Jay is the way.
why does stiglitz always look so grumpy
Because it’s usually been at least ten seconds since she last ate, and she wants to eat again. She’s as grumpy as her namesake.
That’s all for these suvey results! Thank you to all who participated! Kpopalypse will return!
